On A Lighter Note (Thank G-d!!)

I feel that there needs to be a balance on this blog, between the serious and lighter sides of life. With this in mind, here are some jokes I recently received:

Marketing

Several people have asked for an explanation of Marketing.
Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed." -- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's
fantastic in bed." -- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone
number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's
Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your
dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" reach up
to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then
say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I
hear you're fantastic in bed." -- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with
your friend. -- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. -- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome
men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one
situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm
fantastic in bed!" -- That's Spam.


Marriage Test

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends
encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one
thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of
her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was
near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the
Wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me
that she couldn"t overcome and didn"t really want to overcome. She told
me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and
committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn"t say a
word.

She said, "I"m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead
with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock
as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled
down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for
a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight
towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears
in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have
passed our little test. We couldn"t ask for a better man for our
daughter. Welcome to the family."

and the moral is.....
Always keep your condoms in your car.