I'm feeling pretty down today. I don't know if its the shitty weather (grey skies and nothing but rain) or the fact that the alarm clock woke me up at the ungodly hour of 4.30 this morning - but I really don't feel happy.
I'm pondering whether I'm finding my marriage or parenthood more challenging right now. My throat is raw from all the screaming I've done at the kids over the last few days and my T.Q (temper quotient) is at an all time low. You sneeze at the wrong volume and I'll bite your head off.
I'm an absolute bastard to live with and I know it. I prefer not to engage in conversation with any of the family because I can't be bothered to be sociable.
At least on my blog, I can let my emotions rip, without someone interrupting my rant.
The underlying cause for it all? It could be a growing sense of panic that school is approaching and I really haven't done any preparation yet. When I sit down to start work, I get a feeling of total paralysis. I know I need to do it, but I don't know where to begin. Time is gnawing away at my ankles and I'm getting really panicky about my non-existent scheme of work due for next year. I know that I'll get out of this ditch in time, but I just wish it could be now.
Additionally, I'm still extremely upset about what happened in Israel last week. Backing the Government's actions did not make them easier to swallow.
So what's the answer? In Israel, every house has a bomb shelter which doubles up as a basement. I think it's a great idea. You can fill it up with tinned goods and soft drinks and lock yourself away from your family for weeks at a time. Right now, the only rooms I can do something like that in, are either the toilets or bathroom. I tried locking myself in my bedroom, but I had to deal with the wife's knocking and nagging.
I'll get over it and reconnect with the world around, but right now, the more I'm left in peace to dwell with my own thoughts, the happier I'll be. If you want to add a comment, please feel free to do so. I promise I won't let it out on you.