Skip to main content

Daddy

I can say, without a shadow of a doubt that the hardest challenge I've faced to date is that of being a father.

There's not a day that goes by when I don't wonder, at least once, whether or not I deserve to be given that responsibility. I can't even start to count the mistakes I've made in the role; whether it's about the way I talk to my kids; spend enough time with them; don't spend enough time with them; discipline them; don't discipline them...the list is endless.

My eldest and I have clashed since she was very young. Character-wise, we are pretty similar which sometimes leads to an explosive concoction of temperament and sheer bloody-mindedness . The low point was last week. After another clash, she ended up writing a "book" about how much she hated me. She subsequently felt terrible about the "publication" as did I and wanted to rip it up, but I stopped her. It was time for a téte-à-téte in which we tried to find a way to build bridges instead of destroying them. The next few days saw her showering me with numerous pretty "I love you daddy" cards. We're still on that narrow path, but I feel that I am more aware of her grievances.

Number two is also being problematic right now. She is similarly blessed with the same stubbornness (I blame their mother for that) but less easy to reason with. Her ezcema playing up also helps to provide an irritation, although it is too easy to blame this for her negative behaviour. More bridges to build I guess.

Numbers three and four are thank G-d still enjoying their daddy, without giving him too much grief. Number four in particular is rather keen on the old man...

Please don't think I completely blame my kids for the way they treat me. I am far from perfect and continuously make my life more difficult through stupid actions and responses. I wish I knew the key to getting the best out of them and showing myself as a being a model/perfect father (if there is such a person). As I said, it's so hard - yet Dana, wise as ever made the following comment:

"Don't give up on her (no 1)".

I guess I have to use that as my mantra with respect to all four. As crap a father as I think I may be, I have to ensure that I do a better job and avoid giving up on trying to get better at the job.

This year has been a tough learning curve, both professionally and personally. Let's hope I can learn the lessons and pass the results through to my wife and kids.

I can't afford to give up on either.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ten Jewberry Muds

To get the full effect, this message should be read out loud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the FarEast Economic Review: Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" G: "What?" RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?" G: "I don't think so."...
3 comments
Read more

A Breed Apart

I'll start with that rarest of things (at least for me), namely an apology. A number of people who read this blog have approached me and asked me how the new job is panning out. I know I should have followed the original posts with updates, but honestly, I came back so tired from work, that I didn't have the will to compose any reports. In short, I am really happy in my new school. The students line up outside the door to my classroom (yes, my classroom) quietly instead of rushing in like a pack of deranged beasts and then, to my utter delight, stand , yes STAND(!!) behind their chairs and wait until I tell them to be seated. These students are actually listening to my instructions. When I tell them to switch their monitors off, they do what I ask. I don't find myself having to wait for fifteen minutes until they can be bothered to be quiet, they do something that I've been longing to experience for two years - they show an interest, in fact, a very keen interest, in w...
2 comments
Read more

Bye Bye University

I can't quite believe it but today is in fact my last as a student. My course ends when I walk out of school at 13.15 I've now fulfilled the statutory days demanded of me as a student teacher. From Monday, I will be effectively unemployed - until Thursday, so I reckon we'll survive. That's it folks, my course is over. I have yet to hear whether or not I've passed, although between you and me ( shhhh don't tell anyone ) I am now a newly qualified teacher in everything but name. The exam board meets Mid-July to make those all important decisions and that's when I expect to get my congratulatory letter through the post. It's been an interesting year, to say the least. There have been ups and downs although the positive has vastly outweighed the negative. I find standing in a classroom less daunting and if anything, I now have the confidence to teach, which I didn't have when I started. I know I've only been doing this lark since September (and teach...
3 comments
Read more