Oh Those Teachers!

A public school teacher was arrested today
at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General
Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member
of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They
desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer
to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There
are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes."

Aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the President.