Skip to main content

Who Loves Us?

By Rabbi Jeremy Rosen.

So the BBC World Service took a poll and discovered that more people think Israel is a danger to the world than any other place! Forgive me for an ironic laugh! The World Service reaches and is avidly listened to by billions of Muslims and an odd million Jews, if it’s lucky (who anyway by now know to take BBC polls with a pinch of salt, even the BBC children’s programme ‘Blue Peter’ admits it fiddled its polls). Hey, imagine a poll in Stamford Hill on favourite colours. Any betting it would be black? Big Deal. It’s like asking in English soccer grounds beyond Stamford Bridge whether they love Mourinho or not.

There are billions of unemployed Muslims with nothing better to do than phone in to straw polls. Of course they’re going to knobble their favourite whipping boy or vote for a humungous mosque in your face when most of the rest are busy earning a livelihood. It’s not just them. Just think of the millions who vote for Big Brother or American Idol, and they’re actually paying to swing the results! Besides, we Jews are never united on anything, even on the things we hate. After all, Israel itself divides pretty equally on those of its citizens who want it to survive and those who don’t. And Jews are divided, perhaps not so evenly, on whether their religion ought to be phased out altogether or turned into a monastic order. And if you log on to the myriad of anti-Semitic websites you’ll find the repeated message that we must have done something to deserve being hated. Sorry we’re still alive, boys! And don't we always say 'The Almighty weighs His faithful, He doesn't just count them.'

I was asked this week to help deal with a Swedish Anti Semmitic site that quotes Talmudic snippets out of context to show how wicked we Jews are: How we have sex with girls under three years old because under three their virginity returns. How we can pick up innocent gentile women in the street, have sex with them, which means they are married to us by law and trapped, and then drink their blood once a month. How we are commanded to kill all non-Jews and it is permitted to steal from our non-Jewish neighbours. Any idiot can take any law and hold it up to ridicule. On the contrary, ignorance helps! Imagine condemning all Brits on the basis of what the Domesday Book of 1086 says, or the English penal system on hanging Judge Jeffrey’s era three hundred years ago, let alone two thousand.

So should we be taking hatred seriously or not? You could argue that we are not always a loveable lot. But should that matter? We try very hard to succeed and, dammit all, we do a bloody good job in almost every single sphere we set our minds to. Proportionally we are way ahead of the game in every area, academic, commercial, industrial, financial, medical, even literary. We win more prizes and accolades for our numbers than anyone else and we tend to rise up the ladder in every society we find ourselves in, pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps instead of moaning and complaining and begging for handouts (and certainly not bombing innocents to gain attention). Of course they’re all jealous like mad.

To make matters worse, they all know that it’s only thanks to us that their religions are around altogether. Neither Islam nor Christianity would have got off the ground had we not laid the foundations and done the spade work. So they have to rubbish us to reinforce their insecurity by claiming we blew it but now they got it! The essence of their religions all com from us, ethically, even ritually. The differences are really either cosmetic, or that they go for softer, watered down options. They both have this neurotic preoccupation with trying to ram their religion down everyone else’s throats and claim that theirs is the only way to Heaven and everyone else is doomed. Whereas we more reasonable guys actually think others can be good and right and can get to Heaven their way too! Sheesh, as they say in the USA, who’s the normal one here? And please don’t accuse me of generalizing. I’m not suggesting that ALL non-Jews are like that of course, only the irrational, prejudiced ones.

Then they are so pissed off with us they keep on going on about how we think we’re better because we’re the Chosen People, when it’s obvious that that doesn’t mean we’re better, just picked to do a job. My father always use to say that the people you do most for resent it the most and are the last to show any appreciation. Of course they all hate us, because they 'd would have no religion without us.

I’m not blind. I know the Israelis are a tough lot. You can’t go anywhere on the globe (or even in space) without bumping into them doing deals, selling arms, stealing the bed linen from hotels, monopolizing mountaintops, ashrams, and beaches, or doing the plumbing and decorating for less and more efficiently than the lazy local contractors. Yes, they are a prickly, arrogant bunch and they’re buying up all the real estate and making money out of idleness and apathy of the locals. But it’s hardly surprising, living under constant tension, unceasing pressure, cooped up in a little country with so many bloody Jews.

And yes, Jews control the world, don’t you know (so does the Royal Family, ask Mr. Fayed); that’s why Madonna has become a Kabbalist. There you have it Hollywood, God and Cash all in bed together. And no doubt you’ve all seen the Memri tape of the Iranian ‘academic’ who claims Walt Disney was Jewish and really ‘Tom and Jerry’ is about Jewish mice controlling the non-Jewish cats of the world (http://timesonline.typepad.com/comment/2007/02/tom_and_jerry_t.html).

Yes we must take hatred seriously! And no we don’t help ourselves. It’s very worrying that there is so much corruption in Israel and that it has not always dealt as honestly or as fairly as it should be. It is sadly true, that Jews around the world are too busy gazing into their own bellybuttons, that our religion is taking on some of the less attractive characteristics of other religions’ fundamentalism. But when all is said and done we must not let the bastards get us down. We are pretty good. We have a fantastic religion that encourages us to enjoy life, delight in God’s gifts, no celibacy or monasticism. We can be party of society without having to withdraw. We have a religion that is overwhelmingly focused on good deeds rather than right theology, and if things aren’t always as they should be, it’s the fault of the all too human rabbis rather than the religion itself! We are charitable way beyond our numbers and more than other supposedly charitable traditions. We have come back from the death camps and built a strong, financially productive state that, despite some glitches along the way, can take care of itself even in a sea of hatred that surrounds it. The picture is not that bad.

We know our own failings, hypocrisies, inadequacies and sins. But our religion encourages us to get them out of our system and go forward. Who else escapes the clutches of their enemies and then says ‘but we gotta be nice to them nevertheless?’ Our religion did that three thousand years ago, as we’ll remember this Pesach, and we’ve been doing it ever since. I’m prepared to bet Israel will end up doing more for the Palestinians than their co-religionists or hard line left wing bandwaggon jumpers on.

We’re good! It’s not so bad to be a Jew. It isn’t easy, but it's rewarding. And if they don't like us, they have a far bigger problem than we do.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ten Jewberry Muds

To get the full effect, this message should be read out loud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the FarEast Economic Review: Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" G: "What?" RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?" G: "I don't think so."...

Magic Moments

At the end of a sunny day, Dana decided to start a water fight. She sprinkled a bit of tap water in my direction. Then her eyes lit up and she ran out of the room. I of course thought nothing of it, until she returned with a filled water pistol! That was it - The race was on to remember where I'd hidden the other three unopened packets. With pistols at the ready, the kids got in on the act and what could have been a ginormous water fight was almost immediately curtailed as Shira did not appreciate being spritzed in the face. The sheer impulsiveness of the moment was Dana all over and it's one of the things that I love so much about her. The pistols have been seized and are ready, waiting for another day when I predict we are all seriously going to have the most amazing and floodworthy water-fight. I can't wait (and neither can the kids).

Bye Bye University

I can't quite believe it but today is in fact my last as a student. My course ends when I walk out of school at 13.15 I've now fulfilled the statutory days demanded of me as a student teacher. From Monday, I will be effectively unemployed - until Thursday, so I reckon we'll survive. That's it folks, my course is over. I have yet to hear whether or not I've passed, although between you and me ( shhhh don't tell anyone ) I am now a newly qualified teacher in everything but name. The exam board meets Mid-July to make those all important decisions and that's when I expect to get my congratulatory letter through the post. It's been an interesting year, to say the least. There have been ups and downs although the positive has vastly outweighed the negative. I find standing in a classroom less daunting and if anything, I now have the confidence to teach, which I didn't have when I started. I know I've only been doing this lark since September (and teach...