The Scribbler

With the holiest day in the Jewish calendar upon us in less than 24 hours, here's a little cartoon I was sent. On Yom Kippur, we ask G-d to forgive us for all the sins of the past year, at the same time as praying for a successful, healthy, peaceful new year. We believe that the gates of heaven are wide open to us for the duration of the day. Then again, if you're a computer techie like me...

I've transferred over to Blogger in Beta and as you can see, have given this site a teeny-weeny makeover. I could get a little more radical and change the whole template, but to be honest, I've got so many additional scripts, that I don't know what a mess it would cause (and more importantly, how much time I would spend sorting it out). So the colour's changed and that's about it (aside from the Blogger's own little idiosyncrasies, like the archives thingy). A useful feature I have noticed is that I can now tag the posts, so that all the teaching posts can be bunched together, or alternatively, all the Israel ones - I just need to be consistent with the tagging! Ok, what do you think of the "new look"? If there are any designers out there, could you suggest a more suitable colour for the title text, background etc? If not, royal blue it will be (until I get bored of it).

This is truly amazing: Israel will soon welcome from India descendants of a ‘lost’ Jewish tribe By Dina Kraft , JTA TEL AVIV, Sept. 26 (JTA) — A group of 218 people from a remote mountainous corner of northeastern India who claim descent from one of the lost biblical tribes will be immigrating to Israel as recognized Jews for the first time. The aliyah of members from the Bnei Menashe community to Israel is a turning point, said Michael Freund, founder of Shavei Israel which assists “lost Jews” seeking to return to the Jewish people. “This is a major historical event, because these members of a lost tribe of Israel, after 27 centuries of wandering in exile, will at last be coming home,” he said. News of the planned arrival in November of 218 Bnei Menashe, who have already undergone official conversion in India, was made public for the first time on Tuesday after it was leaked to the Israeli daily Yediot Achronot. The government decision to bring the 218 to Israel followed months of bur...

Whilst writing the last posting, I thought it would a nice idea to film myself playing one of my compositions on guitar and append it to the text. The reasoning behind this was to give you a chance to sit back, close your eyes and let the music wash over you....if you're a teacher and you've had a heavy day, you'll know exactly what I was getting at. However (!) , although I made the movie and uploaded it to YouTube , the site is frustratingly refusing to post it to Blogger, so if you do wish to see it, please click here .

The good news is that I am finally getting to teach computing in a room of (working) PC's, but the bad part is that most of the kids I've been teaching over the last two days seem to be as high as kites (and I'm not referring to drug use here). There must obviously be some sort of hyperactive infection going around the school because the Year 8 and 9 kids have forgotten what they are coming to school for (er, education anyone?). They are sitting in lessons (I hasten to add that I'm not the only one experiencing this) talking as though there's no tomorrow, answering back and generally demonstrating behaviour that is so off-task, they might as well be climbing the walls. Then again, the reason might stem in the fact that they were let out early on Monday afternoon as there was an open day for primary school kids...and came in late on Tuesday (missing registration). In other words, their regular routine has been messed up. Whatever the reason, this school week is turni...

Having entered the fourth week without a computer room in sight, it was a relief to find out that I will be teaching in one, from tomorrow. The renovations are still not yet complete, but at least the students will be able to further their ICT education….in a room that contains computers.

Oh boy did I blow it. I helped to run the little kiddies Rosh Hashanah service in the shul yesterday and today. Man oh man, can those Jewish women talk. Non bloody stop! You see them in shul three times a year (if you’re lucky) and when they get there, they sit with their kids and yap as though there’s no tomorrow. The hapless people at the front try to run the service but we can’t hear what we’re doing because of the incessant jabbering. Well anyway, today I took the Shofar (Ram’s horn) in and did my thing. I blew it…at one point, to get the parents to shut up! At least the kids seemed to enjoy themselves. Today’s service was infinitely better than yesterday’s (we didn’t blow the horn yesterday as it was Shabbat) and I think everyone had a good time. I even got a commendation (of sorts) from the rabbi who heard my blow-out attempts. Then again, at least someone was listening and yes, I am exaggerating.

Around this time of year, we Jews pray fervently that the good Lord above provides the thirsty land of Israel with enough rain to make it through the long summer months. This thought was very much on my mind as I walked into school this morning only to be told that a local water main had burst and as a result, we were to get in touch with the childrens' parents and obtain permission to send them home, as school had to close for the day. Of course, teachers were also asked to leave. Keeping in mind that the New Year starts this evening, I couldn't think of a more opportune moment for something like this to happen, granted that I've got quite a bit to do in advance of the holiday. So you see, G-d answers prayers!

Tonight is the start of the new Jewish year of 5767. May I take this opportunity of wishing you all a very happy, sweet, healthy and peaceful new year. Here's to a fab 5767!

I have just watched an interview on CNN with President Hamanejad. I looked intensely at his eyes as he spoke and I can tell you, this man is pure evil. He may speak in a softly spoken voice, but the words that come out of his mouth could have been also uttered by Hitler or Goebbels, so venomous they are. All the more frightening was his “rational” explanation for the Holocaust never having taken place, as well as his call for Israel to disappear. Setting aside the question of how someone like him actually got to America, I write this, without histrionics or drama - and state categorically that this monster must be removed from his position of power. If he isn’t, I don’t even want to contemplate the kind of catastrophe we could all be facing soon. You don’t reason with this man. He is Hitler re-born and I am not exaggerating in any way.

I was in a classroom this morning with another teacher, who was teaching a year 10 class. We had made three boys stand up for behaving like morons. I referred to one of them as ‘ that young man’ pointing him out to a third teacher who was on patrol. The boy says: “Why are you calling me ‘that young man’ instead of using my name?” My instant response: “If you contributed more to my lessons, I’d probably know your name”. Socko!

I’m having difficulty understanding this one – maybe you can help. Am I correct in surmising that the President of Iran, a man who is constantly denying the Holocaust took place whilst calling for another sovereign member country of the United Nations to be “wiped off the planet” - is allowed to enter the United States (a country he hates) and address the UN? A man who could potentially ignite the next world war? If I am, this situation makes an absolute mockery of what the United Nations stands for. This is not a case of someone being allowed to “present their own point of view”. By granting this monster of a man the legitimacy to go wherever he wants and stand at, what could arguably be described as the most important podium on the planet, we have, without a doubt, gone down the road of madness. Then again, maybe this is the key decision that demonstrates once and for all that the UN really is a bloody stupid waste of time and money.

You’ve probably noticed that I’ve written nothing regarding the uproar over the Pope’s comments. I refuse to apologise about this…

1:1 In the beginning G-d created heaven and earth. 1:2 The earth was without form and empty, with darkness on the face of the depths, but G-d's spirit moved on the water's surface. 1:3 G-d said, 'There shall be light,' and light came into existence. 1:4 G-d saw that the light was good, and G-d divided between the light and the darkness. 1:5 G-d named the light 'Day,' and the darkness He named 'Night.' It was evening and it was morning, one day. Today, according to Jewish tradition (and the Hebrew calendar) is the anniversary of the creation of the world. At the end of the sixth day, G-d created man and sure enough, this coincides with the advent of the new Jewish Year, Rosh Hashanah (which will start on Friday night). I have made a point of reminding myself of this fact throughout the day, as if to keep in mind the direction that man has taken throughout the ages. G-d took something without form and made it into infinite galaxies. He nurtured this planet...

Well, not really. The girls and I went to a "fun day" at the London Jewish Cultural Centre last Sunday. In attendance was a photographer from the weekly Jewish Chronicle newspaper (one of the event sponsors) who took a snap of me, as I whiled away the afternoon hours playing the office guitar (and yes, the kids were also supervised!). At one point, my friend D. who works there took the guitar off me and we had a good old sing-song. He's an amazing guitarist (puts me to shame). If you do have a copy of the paper, the photo is on page 52 of the latest edition.

I have just watched (part of) Schindler’s List for the umpteenth time and yet again, I found myself with moist eyes when the actors and the people they are portraying put a stone on Oskar Schindler’s grave. Except this time, my emotions were inflamed by a feeling of great anger and frustration that, after all we endured during the Second World War, a fascist shit like Hamanejad of Iran can get up there, on the world's stage and claim that the Holocaust "was a myth". Even worse, he wants to convene a conference to "research the topic of the Holocaust and all its dimensions in the future". What the hell? Why is the world standing by and letting him get away with this crap? After everything we have been through, how can a leader of a country actually make such pronouncements – and see his comments go virtually unchallenged? Why isn’t Britain doing something tangible instead of giving some lily-livered response? Why? Right now, my blood is boiling. At least six m...

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush ...

An old schoolmate, A, now living in Israel, sent me this great (and timely) joke. A Frenchman, Texan and Israeli were flying in a Jet over the Pacific, when suddenly the engine fails. The plane makes an emergency landing on a distant island and the three are taken hostage by some cannibal tribe. The three are brought to the chief, who explains that the inhabitants are civilised and thus willing to offer the men a final request before eating them. The Texan asks for a big steak, lots of French fries and beer. The chief instructs one of his inferiors who instantly returns with the food. The Texan eats and is tossed into the pot. The Frenchman asks for a case of champagne and a plate of escargot, cooked French-style. Once again, the chief instructs one of his little men and the food is brought before him. Once he finishes eating, the Frenchman is tossed into the pot. The Chief turns to the Israeli and asks him what he wants. The Israeli answers "I want to be kicked really hard in th...

We all remember where we were when the planes hit. It was that moment in time when some lost their innocence, whilst others, like me, knew what was happening. Planes do not fly into buildings. Did I know what was going on when the first one hit? No. I couldn’t comprehend such madness. But, when the second one went in, I just knew . I knew that this was the beginning of something, Something that we have to finish off right away . Away from the banalities of life, Because on September 11th 2001, we witnessed the very first day . Day One of World War Three.

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth...

Tense Teacher and Pepperpot (or anyone else for that matter), I need your advice here. On Friday, I started teaching my new Year 13 class of four. During the course of the lesson, I accidentally (and stupidly) told them that I had not yet taught the unit we’re going through over the year, which is Project Management. Understandably, this doesn’t exactly give them a great deal of confidence in my teaching. I tried to make up for it by also revealing that, having taken a Business Studies degree, I am pretty clued up about the subject. What would you now do in my position (although you probably wouldn’t have made the same dumb-assed mistake)?

After three days at school, I finally got to teach my first lessons of the new term. Unfortunately, since the computers are up the spout (or rather, the rooms are being "remodelled"), there wasn't much computing going on. I guess it would have been asking too much to be able to give proper IT lessons during the first fortnight back, after a six week summer break (during which time, the building work should have been carried out and completed).

Just for a laugh, a man asked his wife what she liked for her birthday. “I’d love to be eight again" she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, and the Screaming Mouse Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they went to a MacDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favorite ice cream, and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked. Well, dear what w...

I find it hard to believe, (even more so, to write about) but my baby, little Shira, who is just three, started her first day in "big" school today. Suddenly, there was, resplendent in her nursery green outfit, ready to go in and charm the socks off yet even more people. Where have the last thirty six months disappeared to? Yesterday, there she was, squinting her eyes as she came out into the world and today... Man, I feel old!

I want to publicly thank George W. Bush for the superb speech he gave today to the Military Officers Association of America.  His assessment of Al Qaeda’s agenda was frighteningly on the mark. I quote: "Bin laden and his terrorist's allies have made their intentions as clear as Lenin and Hitler before them…the question is `will we listen? will we pay attention to what these evil men say?.... the terrorists who attacked us on September the 11th, 2001, are men without conscience, but they're not madmen…they kill in the name of a clear and focused ideology, a set of beliefs that are evil but not insane." Whoever his speechwriter is, he deserves a Congressional Medal. Bush’s message is simple: Do not think you are dealing with madmen and women. These are rational, calculated people who have a very clear goal. However, the tragedy is, that most of the world’s leaders (in particular, the shitty Europeans) can’t see past their noses and are unwittingly furthering the terrori...

Oh good. Not content with “simply” wanting to wipe Israel off the world’s map and denying the Holocaust, Hamanejad, the moronic President of Iran now wants to organise a “Holocaust conference” to examine the evidence “supporting the Nazi genocide of Jews”. Here’s some evidence for you, Mahmoud baby. My grandmother lost virtually every single member of her family when Hitler came to power. She never saw them again. Never. Ever. Where did they go? Children, mothers and fathers simply vanished. Strangely enough, their names simultaneously appeared in deportation/extermination records kept by the Nazis. They were recorded as having been killed at Auschwitz, amongst other places – by the people (like you) who did the killing. Your call to organise this conference shows evidence alright – of the justification to ensure that a power-mad moron like you needs to be dealt with severely ASAP. Deal with it Kofi now, for all our sakes, instead of prancing around like a castrated poodle.

They say that all good things must come to an end. Fortunately, I don’t feel that way, granted that I’m going back to work tomorrow. I know that I’ll rue my enthusiasm and naiveté in a week or so, but, then again, I’m getting pretty tired of being “on holiday”, at home with my wonderful but demanding angels. A new school year beckons and I really do need to justify the title I've given to this blog!

by Rabbi Jeremy Rosen Golda Meir is reported to have said, ‘I can forgive the Arabs for killing our sons, but I cannot forgive them for making us kill theirs.’ My variation of this is to say that I can forgive the apparently rational enemies of Israel for criticizing and pillorying the state beyond the bounds of logic and equity, but I cannot forgive them for pushing me further and further to the right in defence of its right to exist. When a man I admire as a film director, Ken Loach, calls for a boycott of Israel, I resent being forced, as I am, to boycott his work. I enjoyed his ‘Hidden Agenda’ despite its one-sided description of the IRA as jolly, good natured bunch of idealists. (Not a knee-capping, bank-robbing, drug-dealing gangster among them.) But I certainly will not be seeing ‘The Wind That Shakes the Barley.’ So here’s my reply to those who call for Israel to be ‘disenfranchised’. You wanna play? I’ll play games too! None of the countries which belong to UN has an inalienab...