The Scribbler

Well, we’re about to bid farewell to 2005. The main thing is that if you’re reading this, you’ve made it through to the end of the year and like me, you’ve managed to hang on to dear life, unlike those who have sadly left their mortal coil behind within the last 364 days. It’s been an interesting year for Yours Truly. On a professional basis, I’ve think I’ve had a truly staggering year. Last December 31st, I was still a student, earning bupkes and hoping that I’d make it through to the end of the course. Twelve months later, I’m still earning virtually bupkes (come to think of it, I was better off as a student) and hoping that I’ll make it through my first year of training. Maybe not that much has changed after all… Family-wise, over the last twelve months, we’ve seen the emergence of Shira as a force to be reckoned with. Now she talks, charms her (and our) socks off and very much holds her own, despite the presence of three sisters who are very opinionated, possessed of strong minds a...

About two weeks ago, I posted a blog bemoaning the atrocious comments uttered by the Iranian President, when he called the Holocaust "a myth". You can read that post here. I asked you to click on the link to the Simon Wiesenthal site and add your name to the petitions demanding that Iran be censured. The petitions were to be given to the President of the U.N's General Assembly. I have just received an email from the Simon Wiesenthal Centre containing this text: "Only days after Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s latest antisemitic tirade where he labeled the Holocaust a “myth” that Europeans have used to create a Jewish state in the heart of the Islamic world, 35,000 petitions were sent to Jan Eliasson, President of the United Nation’s General Assembly, demanding that action be taken to censure Iran. Your protests and each and every petition were hand delivered to Tobias Lindstrom in the Office of the General Assembly’s President at UN headquarters in New York b...

Dana is, without a doubt, one of the most generous people I’ve had the pleasure to know. This is great if you are on the receiving end of her generosity. The only problem is that I’ve always found it hard to reciprocate to the same degree. Let me give you an example: During Chanukah, we give presents to one another after we’ve lit the candles. This happens every night and is (typically) a tradition that has been introduced by Dana. She plans for the festival throughout the year, buying presents and storing them away like a squirrel gathering nuts - always manages to give the appropriate presents to each member of the family. Then there’s me. I never know what to get her and usually leave it to the last minute to go shopping. Inevitably, she’ll either end up with a DVD, or CD or some item of clothing, that occasionally fits. She smiles sweetly, but I know that she always hopes I’ll be more imaginative. When it comes to getting me presents, she has an uncanny understanding of what I need...

The picture I'm using over this Chanukah festival is that of a Menorah, incised on the plaster of a house wall, found in Jerusalem, dating from the time of King Herod. It is very possible that the actual Menorah involved in the story of Chanukah would have resembled this closely. When many of us celebrate Chanukah , we don't realise the significance of the festival. Whereas other nations have tried to destroy us physically (like the Nazis and the Romans), the Greeks were much more subtle in their approach, attacking our spirituality by trying to prohibit us from keeping the laws of the Torah - the same Divine commandments that have guaranteed our survival for over five thousand years. These days, (like many of the Jews at the times of the Maccabees)a significant number of our brethren are foresaking their heritage to assimilate with the rest of the world. Hence the reason why Chanukah as a festival is so important. It reminds us that, despite the will of so many out there who t...

I’d like to wish Season’s Greetings to all those who are celebrating. Have a great day!

Let's start by taking the assumption that this is the first remake of one of the greatest films ever made. I know that there was the other version back in 1976, but I think we'll all do better to try and pretend it doesn't exist - or never did. So here, in all it's glory is a full blooded remake of the 1933 Classic - but how does it fare? Kong '05 is in some ways absolutely breathtaking. The special effects are second to none and the relationship between the Beast and his Beauty is just as touching as it was 72 years ago. The scenes with the dinosaurs and the creepy crawlies in particular, send shivers down your spine. The action scenes are, in short, amazing. I was very much reminded of the Indiana Jones movies. This is a long film (over three hours) but you don't feel it, which is surely a good sign. The acting is Ok, although Kong definitely steals the honours with his bravado performance. It's a shame that he doesn't qualify for the best Male Gorilla...

Apparently, President Bush has told Ariel Sharon to watch his diet , following his health scare on Sunday. Whereas I echo the sentiments and wholeheartedly agree with his concern, I would also like to remind Dubbya that he's really the last one to lecture people on eating. After all, Sharon's not the who who nearly choked to death on a pretzel whilst sitting on a sofa watching a ball game, is he?

I don't often get the chance to go into town, so you can imagine my delight when Dana offered me a day out in the West End...on my own! Needless to say, I grabbed the opportunity with both hands! I decided that I was going to make the most of my day, so I went to Leicester Square, visited one of the many half-price ticket booths and got a ticket for the matinee of The Producers - a show that I've been itching to see ever since it opened here three years ago. I also wanted to see it on stage before the movie version hits the cinemas on 26th December. To my delight, I managed to secure a seat in the stalls, only four rows from the stage - sometimes, you just strike lucky. The auditorium was pretty full, not least because quite a few people were on holiday and of course there was the usual gaggle of tourists visiting London for Xmas. The show? What can I say? In short, I absolutely loved every second of it. It was extremely funny, beautifully staged, very very Mel Brooks' and ...

I will be the first to admit that I am far from perfect. I have a vile, volcanic temper which lands me frequently in trouble with my family. I also often engage my mouth before my brain, spouting thoughts that I immediately regret verbalising. One of the traits however that I am most proud of, is the fact that I am honest and when I say “honest”, I mean to the stupidest degree. At times, I have landed myself in hot water because I will refuse to lie - and to make things worse, I will also never assume that anyone else could be dishonest in their dealings with me. I don’t know what happened to that damn car, but I am now kicking myself as to why I trusted the garage to dispose of my car. After all, they’d tried to cheat me over the car park and since I had caught them lying before, alarm bells should have rung, back in June. I can only surmise that my stupid attitude led to the events that unfolded yesterday. I am slowly and painfully learning the unpalatable truth that quite a number o...

Exactly six months ago to the day, I wrote a post entitled The Cheek Of It which I would ask you to refer to before reading on, otherwise the following probably won't make a lot of sense. At the end of June, I paid the garages' final invoice and I didn't end up being charged for the parking space. I had no need for a pretty incapacitated automobile, so I asked the manager to either try and sell the car off or scrap it. We left things at that. Over the ensuing months, I heard not a peep from the garage. In all honesty, I was too preoccupied with my job to find the time to get in touch. I was however getting increasingly concerned about the status of the car, not least because according to the Drive and Vehicle Licensing Authority (DVLA) , I am still the car's legal owner. I decided to go over to the garage this morning to get an update. The manager told me that about ten days after they had received payment (i.e. around the 9th July), the car "disappeared" fro...

We’ve been with America Online (AOL) since we entered the weird and wonderful world of the Internet back in the spring of 2001. The company has been very good to me over the years. When times were tough, they waived their monthly rate, without making a fuss and often didn’t bill me when I complained about this and that. Aside from very minor issues, I have nothing but praise for the corporation and for the service it provides. Four years on and times they are a-changin’. Dana has finally decided (Praise the Lord) that our dial-up is too slow and now she wants to get onto Broadband (ADSL). Did I complain? Hell no! I immediately contacted BT (British Telecom) and booked an engineer for the first week of January. Without going into detail, he’s going to be installing a new line and as a result, we are changing providers. Why? Because as wonderful as AOL is, the package it offers really doesn’t match up to others thrown at the public by the ever-growing competition. I don’t see why I shoul...

Well, I’ve made it through my first full term. I’m still alive and relatively sane. This last week has been hard, not least because the kids have been hyper and the lessons I’ve taught haven’t had that much educational content in them. To be fair, the kids were in no state to learn and although I tried my best to advance their IT skills, I could probably put money on the fact that anything I have attempted to teach them hasn’t even made it through one ear, let alone the other. The kids’ minds are on Christmas and Santa Claus and holidays etc. I don’t blame them for feeling schooled out . Anyway, it’s sixteen days away from the school that I crave. I’ve got a ton of homework to get through but I don’t mind. I don’t want to get too relaxed, lest I suffer when I get back in January. I am but seven months away from hopefully qualifying as a full blown teacher. I still have a number of observations to pass and so it’s not exactly plain sailing. I will certainly breathe a sigh of relief in J...

Reading through my last post, I can see I am falling into the trap of branding the President of Iran as just another crazy Anti-Semite. The problem is that most other people will be thinking the same thing and as a result, not taking him seriously. Our history has shown us the dangers of getting into this mindset. After all, wasn't Hitler thought of in the same way at first? Similarly, people ignored Saddam's rhetoric and then he sent 39 Scuds into Israel. The fact that they (miraculously) killed all but one person (who's death was attributed to a heart attack) is neither here nor there. What Mr Ahmadinejad (there, I've bothered to write his name) is saying is in fact extraodinarily important. It is the first time that a Head of State has publicly pronounced the unbelievable claim that the Holocaust never happened. Goebbels expounded his famous 'big lie' theory, saying: "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to beli...

The President of Iran, whose name I’m not even going to bother to write, is doing what he can to get himself onto the world’s stage. In October, he called for Israel to be wiped off the map. Last week, he suggested the country be dismantled and reconstructed in Europe whilst today, his latest ‘intelligent’ remark was to claim the Jews had “created a myth today that they call the massacre of Jews (i.e. The Holocaust) and they consider it a principle above God, religions and the prophets”. My grandmother virtually lost her whole family as a result of this ‘myth’.  I won’t however give him the pleasure of thinking that he’s upsetting me by coming out with his silly little rantings. I’m just sitting back and biding my time, waiting for some country, to blow the crap out of his nuclear reactors. In 1991, Saddam Hussein announced that he would "burn half of Israel with Scud missiles, laden with deadly chemical gas.” Need I say more?

Like other bloggers, I get a real buzz knowing that people are reading my postings. As this is a site written by a teacher about teaching, it thrills me even more when fellow teachers drop by and leave comments. Without offending you non-teachers out there, I feel that only fellow professionals can really understand where I’m coming from when I describe my school experiences. You can therefore appreciate how great it felt receiving a comment (from another teacher ) to my last posting. I looked at her blog (also about our blessed profession) and found a link to this site! It’s nice to know that we teachers are reaching out to one another across the universe (who knows, maybe they are also Beatles fans!) and meeting up in cyberspace. Reassuringly, there are other bloggers out there who also spend their days in the classroom trying to pass over their skills and knowledge to the next generations. We teachers need to stick together!

The cloud of smoke that has been hanging over London since Sunday morning’s explosions has all but obliterated any chance of seeing the sun. I suppose I would notice it more, were this June, but still, the continually overcast sky hasn’t exactly helped to (literally) brighten up my days. We are speeding towards the end of term and the kids are of course playing up. Just another two-and-a-half days to go and then seventeen– yes seventeen (I counted) days away from the school. People say that teachers get too many holidays, but now that I’m a part of that profession, I can honestly tell you that we need ‘em. We are all exhausted, each and every one of us. Who knows, we may even see the sun during the holiday.

Without going into the why’s and wherefore’s, Dana and I have decided to make the plunge from Dial Up to Broadband Internet. We could have done this before, but due to the set-up in our house (we have cable), we have resisted the temptation. Until now. I called up the telephone company this afternoon and arranged for a guy to come around and install a new line. He’s due to come out on 4th January. Then, if all goes to plan, we will have a 512k connection two weeks later. I could go for a faster speed, but to be honest, I don’t need it that much. I don’t download movies nor have the time to play online games, so why shell out more than I need to? The way I see it, with this obsession on upping the speed, within a year or two, the minimum offered will be a megabyte. I mean, weren’t we happy with 256k a year or so ago? The biggest joke though is that ISP’s are offering ridiculous connections, even though there is no way the telephone lines can take them. I mean, what’s the point?! Enough ...

The 1st December babies (we’re a special lot) are starting to kick the bucket. First of all, we lost Christopher Reeve and now it’s Richard Pryor’s turn to shake off his mortal (drug soaked) coil. Should Woody Allen, Bette Midler and Charlene Tilton also start panicking?

In short, this is a cracking thriller that had me guessing nearly till the end. The least I say about it, the better. Jodie Foster gives yet another sterling performance and at times, this is really edge of the seat stuff. If you are looking for a superb thriller to get your teeth into, this is the film for you. First Rate. The Teacher's Rating 4 1/2 (out of 5)

Why?

I knew that I shouldn’t have posted the last entry. What the hell was I thinking? Today, I endured my worst lesson to date and I’m still smarting about it seven hours later. I was teaching another Year 9 class. They came in and I had their attention for once . I started another lesson on databases (we are a week ahead of the other class) but there was one girl who was continually turning her screen on, despite my requests that all attention be focussed on the board – and VDU’s be switched off. I told her to turn it off. Once. Twice. Three times. I even turned it off, but she kept on switching it on, thereby distracting others who were looking at her and the screen, as opposed to me. In the end, I’d had enough of being ignored, so I got her to stand outside the door, whilst I sent a student to get another teacher to remove her from the lesson. The girl decided that she was going to do her best to screw up the lesson for everyone else and stood in the doorway, ceaselessly switching the c...

Wednesdays Period 3 sees me teaching one of my Year 9 classes. They’re a pretty good bunch, even though there are always the “characters” there to spoil the party. Today, a few of those were off on a trip and I managed to get the best performance to date from the rest. Wait! It gets better…. At the end of the class, one of the kids passed me and said “this was a fun lesson, for once!” Fun? Fun?!!! Gee, I never thought I’d hear one of my students referring to any of my lessons as being “fun”. The ironic part was that I was teaching them Databases, which was far harder than the Excel lessons I taught them for half a term (which they positively despised). I gleamed with pride. That one comment helped to restore some confidence in my beliefs about my own teaching abilities. Most of the time, I feel that I’m not doing as good a job as I should and I wonder whether or not I’m a satisfactory teacher. I don’t know how much of the lesson they’ll remember by next week, but right now, I don’t car...

The above cartoon encapsulates the key difference between the soldiers in the Israel Defence Forces and the Palestinian terrorists. Whereas our boys risk their lives to protect the young and vulnerable, their side sacrifice their youth to score P.R. "points". In all our struggles, throughout the Millenia, have we ever sent children on missions to intentionally kill and maim innocent women and children? What do you think?

There can't be too many graduates who are blessed enough to have their wonderful wife and gorgeous child by their side. I'm proud, but much more than just about being a graduate.

I am going to start this review with a warning: This is not a kid's movie, rather, it is not the kind of movie you would take young children to. My girls loved the first three films, but they are going to have to wait quite a while until I let them see this one, as it contains the stuff of nightmares. In short, this is a very dark film indeed, with very little light relief. On the plus side, you have a meaty story, excellent characterisation, genuine thrills and pretty gloomy photography (no doubt keeping in with the spirit of the film). Daniel Radcliffe positively shines as Harry although I wonder if he's ever going to get past the stereotyping. The others are in fine form too, particularly the guy with the huge eye (see the movie and you'll understand) even if he does come over as a little too over-stated at times. The special effects are amazing as ever and the story never lets up - quite a feat for a movie that runs for over two-and-a-half hours. I can't say how tr...

I was born on Friday night, December 1st 1967, which corresponded with the 29th day of the Hebrew month of Cheshvan. This year is only the third time in my life when both my Hebrew and English birthdays have coincided. Not only that,they are but a day before the actual day of the week on which I was born. The last occasion was back in 1986, when both birthdays fell on a Monday. I therefore view this birthday as being something special...and on Shabbat, we will of course be reading my Bar Mitzvah parsha, Toledot. I've had both a wonderful and not so great day. First the wonderful part - my family and friends. Dana has been amazing. She bought me an incredible present - a DVD player for our bedroom TV, so that we can now snuggle up and watch movies in bed, a luxury if ever there was one. She also crowned the day by turning up with a delicious pizza, my favourite meal.....and she bought me one of my all time favourite movies on DVD (Harold and Maude). Yes, I was spoiled and Dana, you...

“Down the decades every year Summer leaves and my birthday’s here And all my friends stand up and cheer And say man you’re old Getting old Old Getting old”    © Paul Simon, 2000 In just over two hours, I will be celebrating my thirty eighth birthday and boy do I feel old. I spent the day meetings kids and their parents, carrying out student reviews. There I was, sitting with the parents and telling the kids that they had to get to school on time, go to bed earlier, do their homework etc etc etc. I sounded like my mother and more worryingly, their mothers/fathers were nodding their heads in agreement with me! Jeez. I feel old. I stand in front of class after class and suddenly, all these kids are my responsibility. Why am I not a kid in that class? Where is my teacher? G-d I feel old. I come home and my four daughters greet me with a happy pre-birthday welcome. Where did these children come from? Why is my mom not in the kitchen making me   supper? Damn I feel old. Tw...

I have given up counting the amount of the times some students have looked at me over the last few weeks and uttered the utterly incomprehensible phrase: “That’s deep, Sir, that is”, after I’ve said something or other to them. Today, I decided that I had to find out exactly what it was that I was saying to merit this response, so I plucked up the courage (giving into the notion that I would appear like a total dweeb) and asked a Year 10 student for a definition of the term. I wish I hadn’t bothered. Apparently, “deep” is slang for “evil” so that you can now draw your own conclusions about me. Moral of the story: Sometimes, it is best to be kept in the dark.

I’ve always been a fan of the army, probably because I’ve never been in one. I just like the rough and tumble associated with stalking out the enemy and getting him before he gets you. It’s romantic claptrap and I know it, but, hey, we all have our fantasies. I’ve enjoyed FPS (first player shooting) games for quite a while, particularly those that allow you to command a troupe of men and take them into a theatre of battle. Today, however, I got to live out my dreams, albeit on a very minor scale. In other words, I went paint-balling. Along with two other adults, we took 14 kids paint-balling and we had a blast (although not literally). Here, I had the opportunity to throw myself onto the ground and do a leopard crawl, dodging paint bullets that whizzed above my head. I got to fire at other guys from behind walls and barriers and even scored a bull’s-eye on another fighter’s head and knocked him out of the game. That was the high point of the day! Yes, I was hit twice, once in the leg a...

I know I said I would post the answer on Friday, but I’d hoped at least one person would try to work it out and add a comment! Anyway, the answer is: The man asks him “which is the way to your village?”

Here’s a riddle that I heard today: A man is walking along until he comes to a fork in the road which leads off in two directions. At the end of one path, there is a town of Cannibals who lie about everything. At the end of the other is a town of gentle folk who always tell the truth. The man does not know which path to take but sees an inhabitant of one of the towns standing at the junction. He is only allowed to ask him one question. What does he ask?   What do you think? All comments welcome and I will post the answer tomorrow.

I’d like to wish all the Americans out there a very Happy Thanksgiving. If you’re a turkey who’s reading this….my commiserations. You have my deepest sympathy.

I decided to try out something “new” today. The school is always on the lookout for teachers to help out during lunch. If you volunteer for “lunch duty”, you might find yourself at the front of the dinner queue; patrolling the corridors or walking around the playground, making sure that all is in order and that the kids are not finishing each other off. I’ll be honest here; my reasons for volunteering my free time were not that altruistic. By giving up my lunch break, I am paid extra for each time that I’m on and I am also entitled to a free lunch. The latter is not a factor, since I bring in my own kosher lunch, but the promise of extra dosh is a huge incentive. Since returning from the half-term break, my Wednesday’s have been full teaching days, so the request to spend three quarters of an hour in the fresh (read as cold !) air, walking around the playground really appealed. I didn’t think I would enjoy it as much as I did, but I came back to the class, refreshed, relaxed and much m...

As a teacher, who sees how students believe everything they read in text books as being "the Gospel", I am extremely worried by the findings of an investigation carried out by the Jewish Telegraph Agency site about the brainwashing that is taking place inside American classrooms. ________________________________________ NEW YORK, Oct. 23 (JTA) - With the school year back in full swing, do you know what your children are learning? In thousands of public school districts across the United States, without ever knowing it, taxpayers pay to disseminate pro-Islamic materials that are anti-American, anti-Israel and anti-Jewish. Often bypassing school boards and nudging aside approved curricula, teaching programs funded by Saudi Arabia make their way into elementary and secondary school classrooms. These teachings enter school systems with the help of a federal program, Title VI of the Higher Education Act, that is now up for renewal. Expert analyses of these materials have found the...

Over the last few days, a number of my friends have commented that they find my blog quite negative in tone. I suppose that when you are caught up posting entries on a daily basis or so, you don’t really think about how the overall effect will appear to someone who passes by every now and again to “catch up”. I have to say that, upon reflection, I probably agree with my pals. True, I’m working in a tough school with some very difficult kids and this no doubt impacts on my writing. However, I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I’m not enjoying what I do. Yes, there are bad days, or rather, bad moments in the midst of the good days and inevitably, these do get reported but overall, I can’t think of another job that I’ve felt so much a part of. I honestly, honestly love teaching. The kids can be, and often are, horrendous but, give me a brattish child any day over some power-hungry bitch or so called friend who can’t wait to stick a knife in my back. I couldn’t hack working in an o...

I absent-mindedly left my electronic register (or Bromcom as it’s known in the profession) on the desk in my room at the end of school on Tuesday afternoon. When I arrived back this morning, post graduation, it had “walked”. I was quite distressed as I use it quite a lot to refer to student attendance and data. Saying that, I have been aware of my over-reliance on the damn machine and so have been slowly transferring the records by hand, to my A4 planner. I digress. The register was gone. I looked everywhere, but it soon became horrendously apparent that some kid or kids had walked off with it. In truth, it’s not much use to them as they don’t even know the log in code (which I had intelligently left hidden in the plastic pocket, but let’s not dwell too long on that.) A technician surmised that some dim child had taken it, in the belief that he was probably stealing a laptop. If only! In short, it was gone. I was inconsolable (as I’m writing this down, I’m beginning to think that I’m t...

Without sounding arrogant, this is my third Graduation and to be honest, the ceremonies I’ve attended over the years have all been virtually identical. The whole thing started at 2.00 and my three minutes of fame manifested themselves at around 3.25 when I walked across the stage and shook the Chancellor’s hand. For the rest of the time, I twiddled my thumbs. The best part, as on previous occasions was dressing up in the robes and having the official photographs taken with the family. This time, the participating members were not my parents, but Dana and Shira who both came along to sit for portraits and meet my fellow graduates. In the end, sixteen out of twenty of us made it through to the day and we all sat together, praying that the proceedings wouldn’t bore us to death, whilst looking forward to getting on with our lives. At 4.00 it was all over and we headed back to our daily routines. The course of study is now officially ended and I relish the challenges that I face. That’s it ...

It occurred to me that, when writing about teaching, I always end up reporting the negative events. So here’s some good news. From this week, my timetable has been altered so that my dreaded Tuesday afternoon class has now been moved to Friday mornings. This is great as I believe that they will be more receptive to me earlier in the day (in theory at least).

My Year 7 class just didn’t want to calm down or keep quiet. In the end, I kept them twenty minutes into lunch. Meanwhile, the kids outside the room wanted to use the computers for their daily IT Club. I told them to go away and wait until I had dismissed the class, but they refused. In short, there were 25 kids inside the room and about 20 outside. Oh – and me. I closed the door. The kids outside kept on opening the door or peering in through the window and making a general nuisance of themselves. After a while, I’d had enough and when finally dismissing the class, told them that, due to their behaviour, I had decided to cancel the club for the day. The little morons couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. No, I wasn’t running the club today and no, they couldn’t come in. “Go away and run around in the playground as THERE IS NO CLUB TODAY !” I let in a few students who needed to finish off some homework but the rabble refused to disperse and so I was left with no option but to lock myself i...

To my delight, my extraordinarily generous parents are offering me an iPod for my birthday (1st December - please note it down). The only problem is that I don't know which one to ask for. I am less concerned with the amount of storage, than actually choosing a model which doesn't run out of juice after five minutes (or so to speak). I hear that the Nano scratches easily, whilst the bigger model drinks batteries in the same way that an SUV guzzles petrol. Do I go for a 20GB iPod or sacrifice memory for a Mini? Should I forget both and opt for a Nano? My bottom line is that I'd be happy with a model that holds 1000+ songs, is easy to use and gives a good run on batteries. I do not want a Shuffle though. Any iPod gurus out there? Which model would you choose?

Over the last week or so, Michal, aged five, has started exhibiting a very worrying tendency - she crosses roads without bothering to look whether or not a car is approaching. Today, once again, I had to grab her out of the path of a car. Last Friday night, a friend did the same – in the nick of a time, because she was seconds away from certain death and I am at my wits end, thinking about how to get her to realise what she’s doing. Road safety does not seem to play a part in her life whatsoever. I tried a different tact today. Having administered the usual disciplinary measures, I took her home from Synagogue and whilst standing in the kitchen, took a cherry tomato out of the refrigerator. I placed it on the counter and told her that “she was the tomato.” I then took a piece of wood and told her that “this was the car.” I slammed the wood onto the tomato. She burst out crying (probably due to the shock of it all) and looked visibly shaken. We both looked at the grisly remains of the s...

Yesterday, three significant events took place around the world. Firstly, a suicide bomber killed nearly sixty people in Jordan. Secondly, Australian Police disclosed details of a plot to carry out numerous terrorist attacks around the country and thirdly – and this is the one that totally baffles me – the British Government ruled against Tony Blair’s Bill (backed by the Police and Security Services) to detain terror suspects for up to ninety days without charge. Keeping in mind the fact that London was bombed four months ago and terrorist atrocities are taking place all around the world, could someone please explain the logic of curtailing the Police’s powers to prevent more attacks? I’m sorry but I don’t buy the “what if they arrest the wrong man?” crap. We are at war, people. War! These are not normal times (and by the way, does anyone remember living in “normal times”?) and so the rules of engagement are totally different. There is a concerted campaign by some fruitcakes around the...

It's been a rough ride. I spent yesterday mostly visiting different worlds - unconscious (well, sort of) but the bug seems to have disappeared as mysteriously as it struck. I have spoken with a few people who have also been affected, so I guess it wasn't food poisoning. I wasn't at school today, so tomorrow will probably be unbearable. Anyway, the most important thing is that I feel better. The teach is back.

I feel like death warmed up. I've spent most of the day asleep, when I'm not in the toilet either vomiting or expelling things through every orifice in my body - and that's as about as descriptive as I'm going to get. I'm particularly peeved as I need to be in school this week to carry out the student assessments. I guess I'll have to do them when I feel well enough. I don't know if I've got a stomach bug or food poisoning but the sooner I can shake off my high temperature and keep some food down - the happier I'll be.

As if Thursday's incident wasn't bad enough, I had a run-in with another kid yesterday. He spent virtually the whole lesson working on something else that had nothing to do with my lesson. I repeatedly told him to get back to work on my subject and he ignored me, intimating aggressively that I was "picking on him" whilst the others weren't working either (go figure a 15 year old's logic). I gave him a worksheet which he ignored and when challenged, said that I hadn't told him that he had to "fill it in". I told him to do so but when I returned, he was still focussed on something else. I'd had enough, so I took his work, scrunched it up and threw it in the bin. He started swearing at me, using the "F" word numerous times. I sent him out of the class. Ok. I could have handled this differently. Admittedly, I shouldn't have thrown his work in the bin and I accept that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. In hindsight, ma...

This blog probably won't make any sense if you haven't spent time in the UK, so I've provided a link to explain why I took my kids to a firework display this evening. Dassi and Tali had a great time and the fireworks were truly out of this world. As this was a) Saturday night and b) the 400th anniversary of the plot (see, I knew you'd wonder what I was talking about....go click on the link!) there were parties going on everywhere and you could see fireworks for miles around. 5th November was never this good when I was a kid.

It’s been a very long week and I’m just about awake. Today, I said something to a student that I’ve regretting since. I told him, in front of the rest of the class that he was a “waste of classroom space” and I fully admit that I was wrong in calling him this. Yes, this student has not done any work since he walked into the first lesson in September. Yes, this student is on the way to being kicked out of school, because every other teacher is fed up with his immature behaviour. Yes, I’ve had to throw him out virtually every week because he keeps on disrupting. Later on, I had him removed because he was holding a conversation across the room with another pain in the neck and he was giving advice on how to steal cars. But all these reasons, do not give me the right to say these things to him. I promised myself that I would never denigrate a student in such a manner. I feel that I have really let myself down here. I have discussed this with a number of other teachers and bar one, they’ve ...

I see that the French are rioting in Paris. Oh dear. What a shame. I bet the Police are adhering to their long-held national policy on how to deal with “the enemy”. Run Hide Surrender.

According to my mentor, there is a correlation between rainy weather and difficult kids. I can certainly testify to this, if today is anything to go by. I taught three classes and most of the kids were all more challenging than usual (which is a diplomatic way of saying that they were pretty obnoxious) and yes, it rained all day. I knew I was in trouble when I asked for the patrol to come and remove a difficult child and when she eventually turned up; I was told that the respite room was “full”. I know that we Jews just celebrated Sukkot, at the end of which we made a prayer for rain. The idea is that we ask G-d to provide rain to the Land of Israel, to ensure that crops grow and that there is enough water. The good Lord, in his infinite wisdom has decided to move the clouds a little to the left and as a result, my pupils have been hyperactive. If You are reading this G-d, can you please send the rain eastwards? Teaching is tough enough without having to factor in the weather condition...

Dana just told me that she was on the Underground last week with Shira. Apparently, Shira looked at a man who was sitting in the carriage and shouted out “ That’s Daddy!”. Dana shook her head at the man, reassuring him that he was not the father and she tells me that he breathed a visible sigh of relief, whereupon everyone in the train started smiling. Shira decided to finish off her mischief by going round to everyone saying “bye bye” and they all reciprocated.

He’s smart, funny and gregarious. He lives in a beautiful house, with a lovely, charming and pretty wife and three adorable kids. They have a cuddly dog and chirpy budgie. When we visited him in Great Neck, NY, we were treated like royalty. Thursday evening was certainly most memorable and Hadassah had a wonderful time. I’ve wanted to meet him ever since we started chatting using Instant Messaging. It was worth the wait. He’s also extremely pissed off that I forgot to mention all of this in my previous blogs and I sincerely apologise for this. Are you happy now Paul? Ps. He’s also my cousin.

When I was in New York, virtually every house I passed displayed a rather plump pumpkin (or five) outside the door. The shops were selling everything Halloweeny and the people (especially kids) couldn’t wait to get dressed up and enjoy the festivities associated with the “Eve of All Saints”. Gee, were I living in the US, I’d probably be there, trick ‘n’ treating with them. In the UK, unfortunately, though Halloween has gradually become more americanised (i.e. people do something about it), it has taken on a far more sinister cloak (if you’ll excuse the pun). Kids, usually from white trash families get a thrill from scaring the shit out of anyone who’s stupid enough to open the door - and if you decide not to answer the doorbell, you never know what might happen to your house. A friend of mine told me that some little brats put an opened egg into his letterbox, whilst his neighbour had a brick thrown through his front (glass) door. I have gone to the lengths of removing the batteries fr...

We arrived in Heathrow last night at around 8.30 local time. After surviving (and I do not use the word lightly) a day at school, I am starting to seriously wonder whether I went away at all. My mind is definitely about 24 hours out of sync with the rest of me. G-d bless Mondays.

This was the day I'd been really looking forward to - sharing Wondrous Manhatten with my eldest daughter. We started off by going down to Battery Park (West Ferry) to see the Statue of Liberty. We ended up seeing quite a few of them! The real one however stood as gallant as ever, welcoming the world to this incredible country. As Emma Lazarus famously writes (and this is inscribed on Lady Liberty herself): "...Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" Back on the Subway at the Staten Island Ferry station to 59th Street (#1 line). We got out at Columbus Circle and made our way to 59th Street and 5th via a lovely walk in Central Park to F.A.O. Schwartz (where else) - Dassi was truly enraptured...but not as much as when I took her around Tiffany's. The expression on her face - the wonder she exhibited whilst ...

Greetings from Woodmere, Long Island ("or Lon Guyland" as pronounced by the Natives), NY. We've had a fantastic time so far. We arrived on Sunday at JFK and were met by a cousin and then my parents. We went to the Woodbridge Beth Israel Cemetary to visit my Grandmother's newly erected tombstone, as well as pay respects to other members of the family. The strangest thing happened when I was standing next to my beloved grandfather's grave. I was talking to him, when suddenly the sun appeared from nowhere and lit up the stone. I knew that there and then, he had answered me and we were one. It was an incredible moment which I shall never forget. Dassi lightened the mood somewhat by going around, taking photographs of the families' stones and crowning the moment with a classic line: "I never knew that so much of our family tree was underground!" We made our way to the Catskills mountains, staying in a resort called the Kutshers Country Club situated near ...

Without going into the reasons behind this “interesting” activity, yesterday evening, I had no option but to walk from my parents house to my home. I walked five miles and it took 90 minutes. This evening, I drove along the same route. I was home in 16 minutes. Tomorrow morning, I will be flying to New York and the journey should take seven hours. Maybe next time, I’ll time myself to see how long it takes to swim it.

Before you start holding victory celebrations, let me reassure you that I have not abandoned the blog – far from it. As many of you will be aware, our Nation has been blessed (is that the correct term?) with a glut of festivals that have been falling on weekdays over the last three weeks. Hence, I am finding very little time to both plan for school and indulge in my blog writing. Added to this, I am on the verge of visiting the USA for a week. For those of you who are New Yorkers, please look up at the sky at around 10 am on Sunday morning as you might spot my American Airlines flight on it's way to JFK. If you do see my plane, please wave and I’ll make every effort to reciprocate. On a more mundane note, I went back to school today and the kids were pretty horrendous (in a hyperactive sort of way), granted that they break up for the half-term holiday tomorrow but I don’t care because in three days…. hee hee hee hee!

This is going to be an interesting teaching week. The network is down and the kids won’t be able to print, save work or use the internet. I’m so glad I teach IT at times like these. Does anyone want me to give any maths lessons? (at least then, I’ll actually be teaching ).

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in the living room when I heard a ghastly sound emanating from the kitchen. I rushed in to see water pouring through the roof, gushing over the light in the utility room. I rushed upstairs shouting like a madman and found the bathroom sink overflowing, blocked with tissue paper. The water was seeping into the floor above the kitchen. I emptied the sink, dried up the water and hoped from the best. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the light was making a fizzing sound. We switched if off and waited until after the end of Shabbat to sort things out. We didn’t have to wait that long. By the afternoon, one of the fuses had shorted and the situation did not look too good…. The guilty party?  Who do you think it could be? I’ll give you a clue. She’s very short, charming and deadly. She’s also two years old. Shira is the Queen of Mischief. She is adorable, edible and extraordinarily dangerous. Something had to be done. I decided that I had to put bolts on the...