The Scribbler

In case you can't see the writing, the legend says: "Exit 324 Closed. Sucks to be you, but I got fired today so don't expect any help".

This is a bit of historic (nay, histrionic) post for me as it is the first written on my spanking new laptop (hooray I hear you cheer? Or maybe not). It's great having a portable pc, along with the freedom of being able to get my emails anywhere within reasonable reach of my wireless network. Did I just mention wireless? That wonderful invention of the twenty first century? Let me tell you about wireless (grunt, thump). I'll say it three times: Damn, damn, damn wireless. It has taken me a day to set the bloody thing up. Don't get me wrong. There was nothing wrong with the equipment (besides the befuddling instructions which I still don't understand) - it was just the glut of totally incomprehensible material that I read on how to, not so much set it up, as secure it. Oh yes. Securing it. I didn't have a problem finding the signal once I'd got the router configured (well, sort of). My laptop sprang to life...unfortunately to the keen attention of probably every ...

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,yousee, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goesdown,down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middleofagreen golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends ...

How can it be that my Dassi, born only yesterday has already managed to reach her ninth birthday? Where have I been? What happened to that crying baby? She celebrated her birthday by having her best friend stay over and this morning, engaging in a forty minute treasure hunt for the different components of her present - a mini video camera. Dana's taken them out to the theatre to see "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers", which I'm sure she'll love. Happy birthday Dassi. You're a star.

I found this here. Borat speaks Hebrew Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen substitutes Hebrew for Kazakh in his satirical movie “Borat.” The anti-Semitic Kazakh television personality, one of several satirical creations by Cohen, a British Jew, for his “Ali G” show, appears in his own movie next month. The opening sequence of the film was released Monday over YouTube. In it, Borat takes leave of his ancestral village, telling one resident, according to the subtitle, “Doltan, I’ll get you a new arm in America.” In fact, Cohen says in Hebrew, “I’ll buy you some kind of a new arm.” Borat also parries with his wife in Hebrew. The film covers Borat’s travels through the United States, revealing his own bigotries, sexism and backwardness as well as those of his subjects. Appalled by the success of the character, Kazakhstan’s government has launched a counter-campaign extolling the Central Asian nation’s virtues. Replacing Kazakh with Hebrew is a stroke of genius (granted that SBC probably can't...

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet: Crabby Old Woman What do you see, nurses ........ What do you see? What are you thinking ........... When you're looking at me? A crabby old woman .............. Not very wise, Uncertain of habit, ............. W...

I've joined the forum on the Paul McCartney website and left a few messages of support. I'm sure that some of the information coming out from the other side does have a ring of truth, but I find it impossible to believe that the man who wrote No More Lonely Nights, And I Love Her, Here, There and Everywhere or All My Loving was going around attacking his wife with a broken bottle or pushing her (whilst pregnant) into the bath. The assertion that he made her walk on her hands and knees up a staircase doesn't make sense when you consider that he's spent the last five years or so campaigning for the abolition of (leg demolishing) landmines. Paul McCartney is no saint (is anyone?) but at this time in his life, he really shouldn't have to be dealing with all this crap. He is Paul McCartney, one quarter of a band whose motto was "All You Need Is Love" and the idea that he did all those things to his wife is frankly ludicrous. I hope this sorry affair can be sor...

Martin Scorcese holds a very special place in my movie heart. I believe that he is one of the few directors out there, whose output constantly brims with quality and class. With this in mind, I approached The Departed ... Apparently, this is a remake of the Japanese cop flick Infernal Affairs , a movie that I've heard of but never seen, so am unable to comment on how accurate or successful this Americanization is. What I will say is that the acting by the main protagonists is once again superb. Was I really watching Matt Damon shining in a role? I knew that Dicaprio could act, as can the always reliable Jack Nicholson, but Matt Damon? This guy is spot-on as the main character. The script crackles with more than your average one liners and the story bristles along involving you from the very first frame. My only complaint is the length, which I feel could have been judiciously trimmed. Aside from that, this is Scorcese doing what he does best, telling a story with style, verve and h...

I've come across a website that I'd like to share with you. Somebody has decided to recreate scenes from the bible in Lego. Fortunately, this has been done (with an understandable) tongue in cheek and the result is very very funny. Here's a screenshot of Adam and Eve: Have a look (and a laugh, particularly at the sections deaing with sex) here . Warning: If you take your religious beliefs very seriously, keep well clear!

"Dickhead" "You can't control a class" "You're a terrible teacher" These are some choice comments addressed to me today by some of my delightful Year 11 students. Why the f*** did I go back in today?

The population of the US (according to the US Census) now stands at over 300 million. Just consider the future Hollywood stars born on this very day. ...and to think that I could have made a really serious social comment instead!

I knew that when I finished off my classes yesterday, I’d probably not be in today as the cold virus was starting to get the better of me. You know, the blocked nose, headache etc. So here I am at home, relaxing and recharging my batteries. From experience, I’ve found that it’s best to take a day off when you don’t feel that great, as the kids, bless ‘em tend to wear you down - particularly when you feel yeuchy. This is the first sick I’ve taken in ages and believe me, with the way I feel, I would really rather be in the classroom right now (although I am missing teaching 8J, which is not necessarily a bad thing…)

I don't know whether or not the President of Israel, Moshe Katsav is guilty of rape and sexual harrassment, as suggested by the Israeli Police report released yesterday. What I do know, is that Israel has enough things to worry about, without witnessing the one area of officialdom that really should be above politics. The said holder must, in my opinion, immediately cease from holding office until the accusations have been fully dealt with. Any other course of action degrades both the State of Israel and any of us who still give a damn about her wellbeing. I have to say that I am truly disgusted by what I am finding out about, through reading the (Israeli) media. Yes, Mr Katsav is still innocent until found guilty, but in reality, the whole sordid affair stinks to high heaven. Chaim Weitzman, the first president must no doubt be spinning in his grave, alongside Ben Gurion, the first Prime Minister. We Jews should really know better.

Well, this evening saw the end of the festivities with the first stars announcing the return of normality to our daily lives. I enjoy the Jewish festivals a lot. Starting with the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) on the first day of the Hebrew month of Tishri, we enter a time of reflection that doesn't really end until the 23rd of the month (or if you are in Israel, the 22nd) as we finish reading the fifth book of the Bible (Deuteronomy) and immediately flick back to the birth of the universe in Genesis. However, too much of good thing is never healthy and so, now, we are ready to face the new year in the hope that it will be a damn sight better than the one we've just left. The festival of Simchat Torah (literally "rejoicing in the Torah") is floating away as I write (unless you're reading this in the US!) and I feel a rush of relief that once again, I've come through the holidays...and can enjoy the other pleasures that life has to offer (like a full weekend!)

When I spoke to Dana this morning, she told me that a young man I knew of, had tragically succumbed to the brain tumour that had plagued him for the last year-and-a-half. He was not yet 25 years old. Later on, she told me that one of my oldest friends has finally become engaged to a Canadian girl. I couldn't be happier for him...despite the fact that he's totally written me out of his life (for no reason that I can comprehend) . So one man dies and the other finds true happiness whilst I find out about both events on the very same day. How can one reconcile oneself with such opposing pieces of news? Does my joy at the engagement mean that I am negating the tragedy of the death? Alternatively, if I mourn the death of the young man, can I really celebrate my friend's engagement? At this juncture in the Hebrew Calendar, we are about to read the Book of Kohelet - Ecclesiastes . King Solomon tells us that... "Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for ever...

This is a must see. (Please click on the title of this post to access the site and once there, click on the"Latest Programme" link to watch the movie - approx. 40 mins)

Is anyone out there not worried about the latest news from North Korea? More importantly, is there anything at all we can do about it? These are scary times. Iran, without a doubt, looked on with glee as North Korea allegedly fired its first nuclear missile (or maybe not, if you believe the latest from CNN) - in the face of world opposition. What the UN Security Council does next is therefore crucial to how our futures will be shaped. North Korea must, and I repeat must be severely penalised for carrying out this terrifying act (irrespective of the outcome). Whether this takes the form of even more sanctions, or indeed military action (in whatever shape), the West cannot let the NK's get away with this act. If we cowtow to them, we are giving the message that rogue states can operate in any way they wish, irrespective of how dangerous their actions might be. Hamanejad...take note.

The Englishman - throws the cup and walks away. The American - takes out the fly and drinks the coffee. The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee. The Japanese - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge. The Israeli - sells the coffee to the American, the fly to the Chinese, and buys himself a new cup of coffee. The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the violent act of putting the fly in his coffee, asks the UN for aid, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house, while the Englishman, the American, the Chinese and the Japanese all try to explain to the Israeli that he was too aggressive...

Today, a pupil alerted me to a carving that another student had made on the main door of my teaching room (he or she probably used a compass). The legend read: " Mr X Sucks Cock". If a student feels the need to insult me in such a way, it means I must be doing something right and I'm really quite honoured. Mr X has definitely arrived, but I hope the caretaker gives the door a good lick of paint by the morning because this isn't the kind of reputation I wish to foster, thank you very much.

I was entering the classroom to teach a Year 11 class and saw a technician fiddling around with my PC. It turned out he was given me a new machine to teach with...and it was now equipped with software to control all the other computers in the room. I have to profess that the "kid in a sweet shop" expression pretty much describes my behaviour over the next sixty minutes. Using the new software, I blocked the Internet on all the machines; took over the kids' computers and broadcast the whiteboard content on their screens; sent messages like "hello" to some of the PCs ; blocked the machines of any kids who were not on task (that was sooo much fun - suddenly their screens turned dark blue!) and basically tried out every feature available....to the understandable groans and sighs of many of the students, who just wanted to be left alone to do their work. Aren't a terrible teacher? (especially since I spent the entire lesson with an evil grin on my face, working o...

It has emerged that a Muslim policeman has asked to be removed from a job where he was guarding the Israeli embassy in London. Apparently, he has relatives in Lebanon and Syria and he's afraid of what they might think (or d0) if they find out what he's doing. He also objected to the Lebanon war (not the bombing of innocent Israelis of course - that would be asking too much wouldn't it?) . So, let me get this right. A British citizen, employed by the British State is refusing a job because of personal ideology and belief. So, what will he do if he's on the beat and he witnesses an anti- Semitic attack by a bunch of Muslim youths on a Jewish kid (Israeli or not)? Whose side will he take? I think this arsehole should be kicked off the police force ASAP. Whether you are a policeman or a Doctor, or dammit, a teacher, you must rise above ethnic tensions and do your job efficiently and professionally. I don't want this man guarding the Israeli embassy. I also don't w...

I beg you to take 45 minutes out of your busy life to watch this illuminating documentary, made by a respected left-wing journalist, on how the anti-Israel views of both the far left and far right have merged together in the mainstream media and political echelons - to nothing short of disasterous results. Please, please watch this .

My Sat-Nav has died, or rather, it has lost the will to look for a GPS signal (after an exhausting day, I know exactly how it feels). I have sent it back to the manufacturer to be res-configured, thanks to the two year warranty that came alongside it. Now I have to ensure that I spend the next month (whilst I await it's return) getting lost as little as possible.

Well, I did the fast, got a thumping headache and drank four cups of tea when I broke it at 7.42 pm However, my day pales into insignificance when I heard what happened to those poor Amish kids. I mean, what the hell is the world coming to, when a community as peaceful and pure as the Amish are subjected to this kind of cold blooded murder? Yom Kippur, our day of atonement may be over, but looking at the behaviour of some people in the rest of the world, I strongly believe that other faiths need to instigate their own version of our holy day. Amish kids lined up and killed in cold blood? Oh my G-D. A line was crossed today and now, we, the human beings who control this earth are in deep, deep shit.

May I sincerely wish those of you who are fasting, an easy and meaningful experience. Yom Kippur is our holiest day - let's get the most out of it!

I’ve just asked my girls whether they have reading material. Tali (aged 7 ½ ) answered: “Yeah, cloth”. Kids, doncha just love 'em?