All that you have is your soul (Tracy Chapman).

Monday, 10 October 2005

All Schooled Out

I’m stressed and I’m tired and I’m all schooled out. For the last forty eight hours, I have virtually been eating, drinking, breathing school – even when I’m at home. My evenings and days melt into one another as I prepare lesson plans, mark work and basically drive myself crazy thinking of how not to show myself up when  the inspectors poke their faces through my door.

This morning, I had a formal observation, linked to my NQT status. I had planned exactly what I wanted to do. My planning – and I can really say this honestly – was pretty strong. I went into the room and my mentor joined me to carry out the observation. My nerves played up and my starter fell apart. The kids didn’t understand what I was trying to get them to do and I found myself fluffing my demo by the second.

Thankfully, I realised my mistake and managed to sort things out, teaching the lesson to them in a different way (it wasn’t the easiest topic (i.e.) how to create a business card in Word) but the subsequent chat and criticism with my mentor, which I fully agreed with, only served to dent my confidence in my teaching ability. As a result, my next three lessons were absolute shit.

So here I am, at the end of another day. I’ve spent the last hour putting together a lesson that makes sense to me in my delirious state, but that I fear will fall apart the minute I try to give it to my difficult Year 8 class tomorrow afternoon.

I guess it’s time to go to bed and stop reflecting so much. I’m literally all schooled out in a way that I haven’t been before. They say that the NQT year is the hardest one of them all. Six weeks in and I damn well believe it.

Roll on America (thirteen days and counting) because right now I really need the break.

1 comment:

As always... Rachael said...

Knowing you're being wathed and evaluated would shake anyone's nerves.

In the states, the principal of the schools pop into classrooms from time to time, walk to the back of the class, and just watch - ominously. It would really rattle some of the younger teachers, and I always felt bad for them.

Keep the faith and don't let it mess with your confidence. It was just a bad day... nothing more.