I’m stressed and I’m tired and I’m all schooled out. For the last forty eight hours, I have virtually been eating, drinking, breathing school – even when I’m at home. My evenings and days melt into one another as I prepare lesson plans, mark work and basically drive myself crazy thinking of how not to show myself up when the inspectors poke their faces through my door.
This morning, I had a formal observation, linked to my NQT status. I had planned exactly what I wanted to do. My planning – and I can really say this honestly – was pretty strong. I went into the room and my mentor joined me to carry out the observation. My nerves played up and my starter fell apart. The kids didn’t understand what I was trying to get them to do and I found myself fluffing my demo by the second.
Thankfully, I realised my mistake and managed to sort things out, teaching the lesson to them in a different way (it wasn’t the easiest topic (i.e.) how to create a business card in Word) but the subsequent chat and criticism with my mentor, which I fully agreed with, only served to dent my confidence in my teaching ability. As a result, my next three lessons were absolute shit.
So here I am, at the end of another day. I’ve spent the last hour putting together a lesson that makes sense to me in my delirious state, but that I fear will fall apart the minute I try to give it to my difficult Year 8 class tomorrow afternoon.
I guess it’s time to go to bed and stop reflecting so much. I’m literally all schooled out in a way that I haven’t been before. They say that the NQT year is the hardest one of them all. Six weeks in and I damn well believe it.
Roll on America (thirteen days and counting) because right now I really need the break.