All that you have is your soul (Tracy Chapman).

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Emotional Saturation

It is an old cliche but I'm reminded of the famous phrase, "the darkest hour is before dawn" at this particular moment.

Maybe its the grey sky that I've been seeing all week, because at this moment, at the skewed junction of the last few hours of the weekend and the start of my final week of 2008 in school, I'm feeling particularly low.

If I were to use an adjective to describe my state of mind right now, it would be emotional saturation.

Saturated.
Now there's an apt term for a Sunday night.

It is the feeling that my capacity to deal with anything that hits me is so browbeaten that any additional sock-it-to-me-sucker-why-don't-you insult will only be internalised and added to the existing pile of broken-down slam-dunk punches.

Please don't think I'm writing this because I'm feeling sorry for myself. Far from it, I'm too exhausted to do that. Self-pity, as a modus vivendi is so tiring and pointless that I honestly can't be bothered to stroll down it's charred path.

Put simply, it's that old emotional saturation - if you can devine as to what I'm rambling on about. Emotional saturation.

Then again, my mood can't have been helped by just watching an extremely depressing film called A Mighty Heart, which recounts the horrific story of Daniel Pearl's kidnapping and murder in Pakistan in 2002. It's not exactly what you would call a feelgood movie. That's not to say it's a poor film. Far from it, but probably not a great choice, granted my current bleak mood.

The ever-depressing sky and the knowledge that I have a tough week ahead of me in school don't make a good shidduch either. And let us not forget the funeral I attended this afternoon, which I'm glad I went to but probably didn't register that positively in the desperately seeking happy cells of my brain.

Enough.

There is only so much mire that one can swim around in at any one time. Maybe this time next week when the first Chanukah lights discharge their cheer into the ether, I'll be feeling more approachable.

Here's hoping.

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