The Scribbler

For the whole of the day, I have been toying with what I wanted to write here. I still don't know. The last few days of this year have found me struggling with one of the many curveballs that life throws your way and I wonder whether I will have the strength to dodge it, or just go with the roll. This has been a seminal decade in my life. I fathered two daughters, found myself a new career and face the coming 120 months with a feeling, the like of which I have never had before. So what will the future bring? Where will any of us be on 31st December 2019? It's not that long away and if the last ten years are anything to go by, its going to be a long, hard slog. I'd like to be more cheerful and optimistic, but I'm afraid I can't muster the good cheer I'd like to exhibit. Here's to 2010 and 11 and 12....and G-d help us all, because we need His provenance to guide each and every one of us, along the dimly lit pathway that lies ahead. Oh yeah. And happy new year.

I was sent these and I think it would be bordering on the criminal if I didn't share them with you, particularly as I can't remember the last time I laughed this much when reading an email: I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.' ----------------------- This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster. ------------------------ I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.' ----------------------- I went into a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.' ---------------------------- I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End' --------------------------- I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I...

בס'ד Rabbi Lister, Grandparents, dearest cousins and friends, welcome to Hadassah’s/Dassi’s Bat Mitzvah celebration. Thank you for coming to join us, from the distant and not so distant homes that you inhabit. It is as wonderful to see Dassi’s great-aunt Yalu, who has flown in specially from Ramat Hasharon as it is to see her uncle Guy who is here from the other side of London, as well as both sets of her grandparents, who also join us from the rather nearer suburbs of Golders Green and Finchley. Your presence (and everyone else in-between) is what makes this day so very special for all of us. However, it is also very sad that Dassi’s maternal great grandmother Savta Shchora (who we think is approaching her 100th birthday) cannot be here to share in the celebrations, although she is in our thoughts at this joyous time. We are all here, each and every one of us to celebrate the bat-mitzvah of one very unique young lady – Hadassah. I am sure that Rabbi Lister will smile when I say th...

A long time ago, I wrote a blog about encapsulating those moments in time when words just can't do justice to the events that are unfolding. Today was filled with those moments. It was Hadassah's Batmitzvah and today was made up such moments. If you are reading this and you were there in Shul , you will know what I mean. From escorting Dassi up the aisle to the podium, with my daughter flanked on either side by her parents, to her amazing delivery of a self-written Dvar Torah, to the beautiful words uttered by the Rabbi, to the vision of our living room filled with more people than I've seen therein....the moments were so many that I wonder if I'll ever be able to match them. We are half-way through the Batmitzvah weekend and my mind is already awash with memories that I never want to lose. If you were there, please remember them for me and remind me in twenty five years time. If you weren't, try to imagine. Days like today remind me of the vitality of life, fa...

On this very day, some forty two years ago, an amazing thing happened to me. I was born. Notice. I didn't say "an amazing thing happened", because then, I would have made some arrogant, probably overbearing and frankly absurd statement. I added the "to me" suffix. An amazing thing happened to me. I was born, with all my senses intact, ten fingers and ten toes all formed as they should have been; a heart that still beats as it was designed to and a brain that probably worries far too much but thankfully does so in the first place. I was born on 1st December 1967. I haven't been a great fan of Sci- Fi . Not really my scene, but I do know that according to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the meaning of life is 42 (apologies to anyone out there who hasn't found this out yet). I don't quite know what that represents, but since midnight this morning, I've been privileged to call myself that age. I say "privileged" because I know th...

There are two stories in the news that have really bothered me over the last few weeks and the gist of what happened is not dissimilar in either case. Last Tuesday, an Afghan policeman, working with a group of British Officers opened fire on them as took a break from duties. He killed five boys in cold blood. Whilst on Thursday, a US army doctor went on the rampage, murdering 13 people and injuring 29 . These are troubling cases for a number of reasons. Firstly, obviously, the loss of life - but I believe, all the more worrying because the perpetrators were not the "enemy" as such, but trusted comrades - the inner circle, as some would put it - or the fifth column as others may well believe it should be named. So how do the respective armies deal with the fallout of such a situation? The immediate reaction is obviously one of shock and dismay and no doubt anger, understandable as it is, from within the army and of course from the families of the victims. There will be som...

This is a brilliant and I repeat, brilliant, example of the bias exhibited in the Goldstone Report and even more so, the cynical stance continually taken by the UN against the State of Israel. Goldstone and his cronies as well as the UNHCR should themselves be tried for Crimes against the Jewish people.

Israel: Leader of Business Innovation - CNBC.com

I'm at the butt-end of a long two weeks. Yom Tov was pleasant. It really was. The weather....well, at least the rest of the festival was worth remembering. The way it fell this year was not easy. Yes, it was nice to have Shabbat and Yom Tov at the same time, but it also meant that for those of us who value Sundays, the fortnight have not exactly been kind. For that reason, I can say that I am really looking forward to return of "Saturday nights" and their sweet descendants...Sunday! This week, I won't get dolled up in my smart clothes and make my way to Shul. Oh no, not me. I look forward to shlumping around in my underwear until at least midday, at which point, I'll probably throw on something that should have been thrown...away - years ago. Ah the gorgeous smell of Sunday already greets my frustrated and burned out nostrils. Shabbat is welcome. It is more than welcome, it is mandatory and I can't wait to enjoy it once again. That other day of rest though l...

I had no idea that by the end of Simchat Torah, I would be staring into the long day on which I would be thrust into fatherhood for the very first time. Twelve years ago, we had one of those long Yom Tov do's. Thursday and Friday followed by the inevitable shabbat. Just like her old man, Hadassah was born on the Lord's day of rest, which landed on 24th Tishri. So here I am, 12 years on with a daughter who has made the leap from little girl to legal adult (in the Jewish sense of the word) and I feel nothing but absolute joy and not a little wonder at how blessed we are to be parents to such a wonderful human being. Her "official" welcome into the Bat Mitzvah circle is not scheduled for another few months but if truth be told, to me, tonight, she's already crossed the velvet line, between little girl and not-so little one. Hadassah, be blessed. Be healthy and most importantly - don't ever be anyone except your wonderful self. So much love Daddy.

Haaretz , Sept. 27, 2009 By Benjamin Pogrund At least three times in his life, Richard Goldstone has gone against prevailing wisdom in taking on challenging jobs. Two were in apartheid South Africa - and he was brilliantly successful in both. The third, his Gaza inquiry, has brought down the coals of hell upon his head. During the first three decades of apartheid, many judges were appointed because of their loyalty to the Afrikaner government. One result was a decline in the quality and status of South African courts. In response, the government sought to appoint some liberal lawyers of quality. Most, however, were reluctant to join the bench because it meant applying apartheid laws. Some accepted: Goldstone, who made his name as a barrister in nonpolitical commercial cases, became a Supreme Court judge in 1980. The next year, far from merely applying the law, he handed down a judgment that struck at the heart of a basic apartheid law - the Group Areas Act, which had split...

Hi there friends. Yet again, I find myself having to apologise to the faithful who visit this site expecting to see my rantings. I have posted some blogs here recently, but not one of them would do any justice in trying to explain where my mind is at the present moment. Or the rest of my body for that matter. Thank you for still visiting, on the off chance that you might catch the latest episode in the soap opera that my life seems to have inexplicably morphed into over the last few months. I can't go into precise details here, but to be blatently honest, I've seen better times. No, I'm not sick. No, I'm not out of work - in fact, that seems to be the one bit of timber that has survived from the shipwreck you see before you, something that I can hold onto when the tidal wave of life finally attempts to sink my remains to the bottom of the ocean. Suffice to say that one day, all (or at least some) will be revealed. Which brings me to Yom Kippur. A day that evokes a torre...

(Courtesy Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs) Mr. President, Ladies and Gentlemen, Nearly 62 years ago, the United Nations recognized the right of the Jews, an ancient people 3,500 years-old, to a state of their own in their ancestral homeland. I stand here today as the Prime Minister of Israel, the Jewish state, and I speak to you on behalf of my country and my people. The United Nations was founded after the carnage of World War II and the horrors of the Holocaust. It was charged with preventing the recurrence of such horrendous events. Nothing has undermined that central mission more than the systematic assault on the truth. Yesterday the President of Iran stood at this very podium, spewing his latest anti-Semitic rants. Just a few days earlier, he again claimed that the Holocaust is a lie. Last month, I went to a villa in a suburb of Berlin called Wannsee. There, on January 20, 1942, after a hearty meal, senior Nazi officials met and decided how to exterminate the Je...

This is so cute!

Jewish skull caps - 'Made in Palestine' - Haaretz - Israel News Shared via AddThis

Dassi, Tali and I returned from Scotland last night. I'm not going to write much here, because I'm too exhausted....but I will say how strong an impression the country and its people have had on me. In short, I absolutely loved the place. I have seldom met genuinely friendly people who went out of their way to help us, from the people in the street, to the lady we stayed with. It didn't matter that the weather was awful because the welcome was so warm. Do yourself a favour and visit Scotland - I know I shall!

PARENT - Job Description POSITION : Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating t...

G-d has a peculiar sense of humour. I can only think this as yet another of my teenage memories is brought out of the laundry basket that is my memory, washed at a high speed and then unceremoniously thrown back into the basket of long forgotten memories, only to be re-buried into my subconscious. First it was the death of Michael Jackson and my reminiscing about hearing Thriller for the first time back in '82 and now I hear that John Hughes, director of a number of films that really spoke to my generation, dies at the criminally young age of 59. What's going on here? I am a child of the '80s, of Thatcher, Reagen, AIDS, Yuppies, Duran Duran and Dallas. I was also a teenager who remembers seeing films like The Breakfast Club , Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Weird Science . These were our films, our years, our memories. These were also movies that talked to us as the '80s generation, in particular The Breakfast Club . I would love to say that Weird Science was more me...

Anyone who has come out of the last three weeks, taking the (Jewish) religious element to heart will know how I feel right now. In the past, I haven't really treated the Three Week period of mourning for the destruction of the Temples that seriously. Yes, I did the basics, such as not cutting my hair or attending a wedding (not that there were any of those to go to), but I still went out to the cinema and even attended some concerts (I was not going to miss Simon and Garfunkel's unique concert in Hyde Park for anything !). What makes this year different is that I made a conscious effort to get into the spirit of the thing. Admittedly, I didn't stop listening to music until Rosh Chodesh Av , but that's because to me, music is so much more than just simple entertainment - it is the oxygen for my soul. I did however make a point of not going out to the cinema or buying new clothes (not that I do this much anyway). Still, it was a question of internalising the period and...

I can see that quite a big deal is being made of the fact that Israel's Education Minister has decided to finally act in a responsible manner! OK, that's a little unfair. As you might have heard, Gidon Sa'ar has decided that Israeli Arab school kids should not be using textbooks that refer to the birth of Israel as a Nakba or "catastrophe". My question is why this term was ever used in the first place, granted that we are talking about the Israeli school system, not the shameful excuse for education as practiced by our lovely cousins in Gaza and its environs. Sa'ar says that the majority of Israeli Arabs do not consider the events to be "catastrophic" in nature. That might be a moot point, although not as far from reality as one would imagine, granted that they have lived a better life in Israel than they could ever hope to under Arab sovereignty. Is Israel finally starting to wake up to the fact that we have to push the Jewish angle here? If Arab s...

by HERB KEINON Israel finally won one last week in an international human rights court. On Thursday, the Council of Europe's European Court of Human Rights upheld a French ruling that it was illegal and discriminatory to boycott Israeli goods, and that making it illegal to call for a boycott of Israeli goods did not constitute a violation of one's freedom of expression. The Council of Europe is based in Strasbourg, has some 47 member states and is independent of the European Union. The court is made up of one judge from each member state, and the rulings of the court carry moral weight throughout Europe. On Thursday the court ruled by a vote of 6-1 that the French court did not violate the freedom of expression of the Communist mayor of the small French town of Seclin, Jean-Claude Fernand Willem, who in October 2002 announced at a town hall meeting that he intended to call on the municipality to boycott Israeli products. Jews in the region filed a complaint with the public pros...

I was emailed this... "If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have shrugged it off? Had George W. Bush given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, in exchange for a thoughtful and historic gift from Mr. Brown, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had gifted the Queen of England with an iPod containing videos of his own speeches, would you not have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky? If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have been incensed? Were George W. Bush to have visited Austria and made an inane reference to the non-existent "Austrian language", would you have brushed it off as an insignificant slip? If George W. Bush had staffed his cabinet and circle of top advisers with persons who cannot or do not keep current on their income taxes, would you have been OK with that? If George W. Bush had been so unbelievably ignorant of...

It looks like an ordinary bouquet of flowers, but it is anything but. "M" was a student for whom I had high hopes. She came to the school in the middle of Year 10 and had a lot of work to catch up with. She toiled away solidly and pretty soon, demonstrated an ability to produce work of high quality, the type that stood out from the rest of the pack. Fast forward a year and she was slacking somewhat. With deadlines approaching, she wasn't making the mark and I was concerned, as were others in the school that she wouldn't make it (it should however be noted that she told me she had spent the last week battling the flu, so I can't be too harsh in my judgement of her). With the final external moderation imminent (it took place yesterday), I spent the better part of the last week bombarding her with emails, voice messages and suchlike, cajoling her into her getting herself into school to finish off the work ASAP. To my immense relief, she manged to fight off the bug an...

Last week, my multi-talented eldest daughter, Hadassah performed magnificently in the school production of Fiddler On The Roof . She stole every scene that she was in, playing Yenta as though the part had been written for her. You don't need to take only my word for it. Just ask anyone else who witnessed her extraordinary performance. She was simply - and I don't care if I'm biased - magnificent. She had the voice, the moves, the whole caboodle down to a tee. We laughed and sang along with the familiar music. It was a lovely evening. Then tonight, we had the Siyum, otherwise known as the Primary School prom. This was her leaving ceremony and the last time she will appear on stage, in front of parents, with the children she has spent her life with since the age of four. It was a very special and prestigious moment for all concerned. And yes, I was emotional and sad. It was as though, through my daughter, another part of my life was coming to a close. It makes no sense reall...

Oral Testimony of Noam Shalit, Father of Kidnapped Israeli Soldier Gilad Shalit Delivered to UN Fact Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict, Geneva, 6 July 2009 My name is Noam Schalit and I am the father of the kidnapped Israeli soldier Gilad Schalit. Honorable members of the Mission – I thank you for giving me the opportunity to address you today. I thank you, also, for allowing me to make my testimony public. I know that this Mission is determined to give the victims of the recent conflict in Gaza an opportunity to make their voice heard. So - with your kind permission - I would like to use this distinguished forum – the United Nations – first to address you and then to address the people of Gaza and, in particular, the people holding my son Gilad. Honorable Members of the Mission, a few weeks ago you were in Gaza. You met the Hamas hierarchy. According to the Ma’an news agency – Mr. Ismail Haniyya welcomed your mission deploring what he viewed as Israel’s grave violat...

"On a more serious front, I sincerely hope that when the President goes in for his annual check-up, the doctors at Bethesda will do a brain scan. Surely something must be terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with a Jew building a house in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran ." --columnist Burt Prelutsky

I was sitting in Synagogue ( Shul ) yesterday morning listening to the weekly recital from the Torah. On this occasion, as on many others, we read about the continuing wanderings (and indeed " wonderings ") of our forefathers as they trundled their way around the desert for four long decades. As you may or may not be aware, at one point, they came across a rather nasty character called Bilaam (or Balaam as he is strangely referred to) who despite his best efforts to curse the nation, ended up blessing them and in the process, realising that he'd bitten more than he could chew by not exactly making himself a mate of the good Lord above. One of the utterances he mouthed gave me food for thought. Looking over the encamped tribes, he stated majestically : "I see them as mountain peaks, and I behold them as hills; it is a nation that will dwell alone, and is not reckoned (or counted) with the other nations" (Hebrew- Hen Am levadad yishkon uva - goyim lo yitcha...

What happened to the fresh face that beamed from the cassette cover? I'm of the generation that remembers the impact of the release of Thriller. I remember going into Oliver Crombie in Golders Green Road and buying the tape. I had to. I just had to get it for myself. Everyone else I knew was listening to it. It was all over the news. I still remember sticking it my first Walkman, a metallic red cage, probably one of the first models which still works today. I recall hearing the songs, this being before I had got into The Beatles and wondering when I would hear the Thriller song, not realising that Michael Jackson was not singing "Driller" but indeed "Thriller" - hey I was 14, I was allowed to be stupid at that age. I instantly fell in love with Billy Jean , I mean, how could you not get taken in by that entrancing beat? I loved Beat It and PYT and yes, even Human Nature. This was the first real album that I'd bought into, my virginal album experience. S...

The following will be totally lost on anyone who doesn't know the way people in Essex talk. If you do, prepare to smile... alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend") assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day") branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?") cort a panda - A rather large hamburger Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff") eye-eels - Women's shoes Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper") Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island lafarjik - Lacking in en...

Machon Ohr Aaron and Betsy Spijer Thoughts to Ponder 240 Nathan Lopes Cardozo To President Barack Obama I am a Jew. I stand at the Western Wall. How long do I stand here? Nearly 4000 years, since the days of my grandfather Abraham when he nearly sacrificed his son at Mount Moriah . I see the Wall with its frozen tears, and passing clouds with many sighs. I read millions of names: Born in Egypt , Babylon , Rome , Poland , Spain , Hungary , America and South Africa . But that was only in a dream. In reality we Jews were all born in Israel , and then exiled by Titus. Although most of us began our childhoods in foreign countries, we merely camped in these places, but never dwelled in them. And at the end of our lives, Though our tombstones may stand in Exile, our bodies are buried in the dust of Israel . *** The return to Zion is unprecedented. It is sui generis . The State of Israel is a surprise, a shock, for it is the story of a nation in exile which never had...