The Scribbler

The Daily Mash - GOVERNMENT UNVEILS SCHOOL APP

2010-07-07T10:28:00.000+01:00

The Daily Mash - GOVERNMENT UNVEILS SCHOOL APP

Maritime Martyrs: Gaza flotilla exposed

2010-06-16T17:08:00.000+01:00

Masai Giraffe is Born

2010-06-11T12:29:00.001+01:00

The One About Hamas

2010-06-10T13:16:00.000+01:00

Flotilla Choir presents: We Con the World

2010-06-07T07:27:00.000+01:00

Is the Western Wall in Israel? - HR Interviews 'Confused' Tourists

2010-04-24T23:18:00.000+01:00

MOWBRAY: Panting after peace - Washington Times

2010-04-23T05:57:00.000+01:00

MOWBRAY: Panting after peace - Washington Times

An Explanation

2010-04-13T21:07:00.002+01:00

Dearest Friends,

A number of you have approached me and asked why I haven't blogged for a while. Although I am very touched that you still visit this site and keep an eye on my musings, as it were, I must apologise for not updating this minuscule corner of the Internet wherein I am permitted to inhabit.

Those of you who know me personally are aware that I am currently going through some pretty challenging issues in my personal life, which I do not wish to discuss on this platform. Suffice to know that I am, Thank G-d in good health and very positive about the future.

I promise that I will return here and resume one of my favourite hobbies (i.e. writing) when I am at liberty to do so. Please bear with me and know that you are not forgotten.

The Lord above works in mysterious ways and right now, I am gaining some solace from the knowledge that whatever He prescribes for my future will be only for the best.

Shalom and keep smiling.

The Scribbler

This Is Why I Became A Teacher

2010-01-31T06:34:00.001Z

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Another myth shattered: How crowded is Gaza?

2010-01-25T16:55:00.001Z

Yiddische Mama (sung by a 94 year old lady)

2010-01-17T23:48:00.003Z

Council Tax

2010-01-07T13:42:00.001Z

A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of current house values which will mean they will charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a
grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads.

Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the
police still do nothing . To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked.

Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper
blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but
nothing has been proved.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are out of control.

I hate living near Windsor Castle .

End Of The Year, End Of The Decade

2009-12-31T23:41:00.002Z

For the whole of the day, I have been toying with what I wanted to write here. I still don't know.

The last few days of this year have found me struggling with one of the many curveballs that life throws your way and I wonder whether I will have the strength to dodge it, or just go with the roll.

This has been a seminal decade in my life. I fathered two daughters, found myself a new career and face the coming 120 months with a feeling, the like of which I have never had before.

So what will the future bring? Where will any of us be on 31st December 2019? It's not that long away and if the last ten years are anything to go by, its going to be a long, hard slog.

I'd like to be more cheerful and optimistic, but I'm afraid I can't muster the good cheer I'd like to exhibit.

Here's to 2010 and 11 and 12....and G-d help us all, because we need His provenance to guide each and every one of us, along the dimly lit pathway that lies ahead.

Oh yeah. And happy new year.

Hamas weapons industry in Gaza

2009-12-28T08:13:00.001Z

If Santa Came To Us...

2009-12-27T09:50:00.001Z

If Tommy Cooper Were Alive Today

2009-12-21T06:44:00.000Z

I was sent these and I think it would be bordering on the criminal if I didn't share them with you, particularly as I can't remember the last time I laughed this much when reading an email:

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
-----------------------
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
------------------------
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
-----------------------
I went into a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
----------------------------
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
---------------------------
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
------------------------------
I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
--------------------------
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
------------------------
I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
---------------------------
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something I.
----------------------------
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
----------------------------
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
---------------------------
The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
--------------------------
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
----------------------
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
--------------------------
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
----------------------------
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
--------------------------------
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
--------------------------
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
------------------------------
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
----------------------
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there..
-------------------------
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
------------------------
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
---------------------------
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
--------------------------------
I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
--------------------------------
A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die .

My Speech For Hadassah's Bat Mitzvah

2009-12-14T06:49:00.002Z

בס'ד

Rabbi Lister, Grandparents, dearest cousins and friends, welcome to Hadassah’s/Dassi’s Bat Mitzvah celebration. Thank you for coming to join us, from the distant and not so distant homes that you inhabit. It is as wonderful to see Dassi’s great-aunt Yalu, who has flown in specially from Ramat Hasharon as it is to see her uncle Guy who is here from the other side of London, as well as both sets of her grandparents, who also join us from the rather nearer suburbs of Golders Green and Finchley. Your presence (and everyone else in-between) is what makes this day so very special for all of us. However, it is also very sad that Dassi’s maternal great grandmother Savta Shchora (who we think is approaching her 100th birthday) cannot be here to share in the celebrations, although she is in our thoughts at this joyous time.

We are all here, each and every one of us to celebrate the bat-mitzvah of one very unique young lady – Hadassah. I am sure that Rabbi Lister will smile when I say that everyone who is standing here today, is doing so because, “you are all worth it”. Hadassah, your mother in particular, must be saluted before I launch into my two and a half hour speech (only kidding), because to be frank, without her tireless (and quite incredible) work on the “Bat Mitzvah project”, we might have celebrated your Bat Mitzvah in the garden, on the trampoline, with bowlfuls of cereal (a very popular dish in our household).

Everything that you see here, every part of the celebration, starting with the design of the beautiful invitations is Dana’s doing (OK, I did help a little!) and I could not even begin to describe the kind of mess we would have experienced, had I been in charge. So Dana, kol hakavod, this Bat-Mitzvah has your name engraved in every nook, cranny and detail. Tali, Michal and Shira, your oceans of patience and understanding regarding the fuss your older sister has brought about is extremely impressive. You can be very proud of her and indeed yourselves. You are all incredible young ladies!

Hadassah, you spoke less than an hour ago and the thoughts that made up your beautiful Bat Mitzvah Dvar Torah resonated, not only around the room, but also inside the hearts and minds of everyone who was privileged to hear them. And yes, it really was a privilege.

You are not only our Joseph - you also have the qualities that make up every single member of his family, from his great-grandfather Avraham Avinu (the Patriarch Abraham) through to his little brother Binyamin. Chazal (the Rabbis of old) tell us that the brothers, far from being the rogues that are presented in popular culture, were in fact very fine individuals, from whom the entire Jewish nation would later descend. Their sin, though reprehensible, ultimately led them down to Egypt and to the future Exodus (Yetziat Mizrayim) which we recall in such vivid detail on the Seder Nights.

In fact, had the brothers not decided to go ahead with their plan, I wonder whether we would be standing here today, discussing their machinations!

Hadassah, I know that you probably won’t enjoy the next part of my speech because you don’t like being the centre of attention, but I would be amiss if I didn’t address these words to you.

Before you burst onto the scene, as they say, I didn't know what it was like to be a father. I had always been the son and grandson. This was a new status, a new place to be in.

So, what does a father do? What does he feel like? What can he do to make sure he doesn't mess up someone else's life? What rules must he follow to get it right? All these questions had no responses and in a way, still don't.

Dassi , you made some of the answers easier to work out.

From Day One, you were a free spirit, an independent little person who knew exactly what she wanted. You could fight your corner but at the same time, show incredible generosity to others around you. You were going to be special and we were all aware of it. In short, you were and are a smart, sassy, serious and unique young lady.

But who are you really?

Well, for one thing, you are fast – in fact the fastest person at the Michael Sobell Sinai School – as proven with your lightning wins in last summer’s races. I hear that it took a good five minutes to extinguish the flames you left in your tracks (and I know you’ll appreciate that comment, granted your fondness of the Back To The Future films).

You are certainly very popular. I can vouch for this, if my petrol tank expenses are to be believed, granted the number of miles I drive to ferry you to your weekly (or is it daily) Bat Mitzvah celebrations!

(As Rabbi Lister said in his beautiful speech,) you are an amazing actress! Your Yenta in the summer school production was nothing short of revelatory (and if anyone in the audience knows a Hollywood Agent….) I remember feeling the need to look at a mirror to remind myself that I was your father and not your son, granted your incredible turn as the aged Yenta.

You are the kind of person who made for an excellent choice of school counsellor, peer mediator and play leader at your last school! The teachers there saw the kind of person you are – what more can I add?

And finally, your short stay (to date) at the Hasmonean, has already resulted in the receipt of a lovely letter from the school, extolling your virtues as a student. All this, before the clocks were set back for the winter!

Hadassah, you are a star. Not only the kind that Joseph’s brothers bowed down to, but also the variety which illuminates the sky and shares the light bestowed upon it by the Sun, with all its neighbours.

And talking about light, I cannot but be amazed at how the theme of light runs through your life to date. Indeed, you came into our world on the day when we read about the very first light Hashem (G-d) created in the sky – Shabbat Bereshit and here we are, just a few months later, celebrating the lights that illuminate the Chanukah skyline. These link directly to the very first Or (light) that Hashem created – "Vayomer Hashem Yehi Or" and G-d said “let there be light” and 12 years ago, you were the light that entered into all our lives.

In fact, you were born on the Shabbat that coincided with the 18th anniversary of my late paternal grandfather’s (petirah) passing. My darling bonpapa, Charles E. Wolf was niftar (passed away) on erev Shabbat Bereshit (the eve of Shabbat Bereishit) at the criminally young age of 74. I remember my father telling me on that terrible Shabbat, through his tears , something I have never forgotten – how in Parshat Bereishit, G-d created man and how tragically, had chosen to take a very special man away on the eve of the same day.

If we take the letters of your name- Hey, Dalet, Samech and Hey and use gematria (the system of assigning numerical value to a word or phrase, in the belief that words or phrases with identical numerical values bear some relation to each other – thank you Wikipedia) we can work out that hey is equal to five, dalet is four, samech is 60 and the final Hey is 5, which as the mathematicians amongst you will have already worked out comes to the sum of 74 - your name and my grandfather’s years on earth are identical.

You, my sweet Hadassah are the embodiment of my late grandfather. You came 18 years (18 being numerically equivalent to Chay (the word for life) after his death and re-lit the light that had been extinguished from my life when he left us.

I only wish that both he and my other grandparents, Philip and Hetty Vecht (of blessed memory) and my grandmother Laura (OBM), had lived long enough to see you blossom and grow. I know that I speak for Dana when I also mention her grandparents, Lazi and Richi Beresiner (OBM) and Shimon Goldman (OBM) and envision the pride they would have felt today. You, Hadassah, are their legacy.

Rabbis, family and friends, I finish where I started and ask you to please eat, drink and enjoy the occasion. It is wonderful to be able to celebrate the simchah with you all and may we only continue to enjoy such precious moments -(till the age of 120).

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Chanukah!

Moments

2009-12-12T19:18:00.004Z

A long time ago, I wrote a blog about encapsulating those moments in time when words just can't do justice to the events that are unfolding.

Today was filled with those moments.

It was Hadassah's Batmitzvah and today was made up such moments. If you are reading this and you were there in Shul, you will know what I mean.

From escorting Dassi up the aisle to the podium, with my daughter flanked on either side by her parents, to her amazing delivery of a self-written Dvar Torah, to the beautiful words uttered by the Rabbi, to the vision of our living room filled with more people than I've seen therein....the moments were so many that I wonder if I'll ever be able to match them.

We are half-way through the Batmitzvah weekend and my mind is already awash with memories that I never want to lose.

If you were there, please remember them for me and remind me in twenty five years time. If you weren't, try to imagine.

Days like today remind me of the vitality of life, family, and friendship. Chanukah is here and in my soul, its lights are well and truly burning.

The Meaning Of (My) Life

2009-12-01T06:20:00.003Z

On this very day, some forty two years ago, an amazing thing happened to me.

I was born.

Notice. I didn't say "an amazing thing happened", because then, I would have made some arrogant, probably overbearing and frankly absurd statement. I added the "to me" suffix.

An amazing thing happened to me. I was born, with all my senses intact, ten fingers and ten toes all formed as they should have been; a heart that still beats as it was designed to and a brain that probably worries far too much but thankfully does so in the first place. I was born on 1st December 1967.

I haven't been a great fan of Sci-Fi. Not really my scene, but I do know that according to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the meaning of life is 42 (apologies to anyone out there who hasn't found this out yet). I don't quite know what that represents, but since midnight this morning, I've been privileged to call myself that age.

I say "privileged" because I know that not everyone out there will be so blessed. Some don't make it as far whilst others wonder whether they will see the number augment, but three hundred and sixty five days from now.

So what does it mean to be 42 years of age? I suppose it feels the same as being 41 + 364 days, or 41+363 or even randomly, 41+148. It's as though I'm lucky to be here in the first place. I know that at this stage in my life, when all is said and done, I'm one seriously blessed individual.

My birth is the reason why four little girls are on this planet today. Don't get me wrong, I don't for one minute doubt the Almighty's extraordinary role in getting them here (because He is after all the most important part of the triumvirate that creates all mankind), but were I not to have breathed my very first oxygen fix back in December 1967, my four daughters would have born totally different and certainly Tali would have resembled someone else!

I mused on this last night when I saw my parents and in front of the kids shared with them the very same thoughts. It is indeed sobering to note how important their role was (and is) in the very existence of their granddaughters.

We go through life taking so much for granted. We believe that everything is there for our use and disposal. We inflate our egos to the extent that others would rather not be in the same room as us or breathe the same air that flows so freely - if our bodies are able to process it.

Maybe it takes a day like today - my day - to remind me of how incredible my presence is on this planet. To me, the meaning of life at 42 is that I have a role to play in society to ensure that my birth, those many many months ago was worth something to at least half a dozen people in the world.

I could not have been here and no-one would have blinked as a result, but I am and in being a member of the community, I feel that I owe it to everyone to thank my parents and the Lord for deciding to bring me into the world. I guess, that at the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.

And indeed, it is this very idea, to me, dear family and friends that represents the meaning of my life at 42.

Pigeon: Impossible

2009-11-24T23:34:00.001Z

The 11th Hour and The 18 Deaths

2009-11-11T05:35:00.003Z

There are two stories in the news that have really bothered me over the last few weeks and the gist of what happened is not dissimilar in either case.

Last Tuesday, an Afghan policeman, working with a group of British Officers opened fire on them as took a break from duties. He killed five boys in cold blood. Whilst on Thursday, a US army doctor went on the rampage, murdering 13 people and injuring 29.

These are troubling cases for a number of reasons. Firstly, obviously, the loss of life - but I believe, all the more worrying because the perpetrators were not the "enemy" as such, but trusted comrades - the inner circle, as some would put it - or the fifth column as others may well believe it should be named.

So how do the respective armies deal with the fallout of such a situation?

The immediate reaction is obviously one of shock and dismay and no doubt anger, understandable as it is, from within the army and of course from the families of the victims.

There will be some who will blame Governments for stationing the soldiers in Afghanistan or indeed for the very presence of both armies in that region. They will call for the US and British to withdraw and let the natives fend for themselves against the Taliban.

Others will want a crackdown on Muslims within the army or indeed, contacts between the Afghan and British/US forces.

I am in no doubt that there are many more scenarios being discussed at this very moment. By pandering to the extremists, both armies might risk throwing out the proverbial baby with the its rather bloodied bathwater, something that I am sure no-one (aside from the supporters of the massacres) wants.

My heart however goes out to every member of the Armed Forces in both the US and British armies. I dread to think what must be keeping them awake right about now. It's one thing having to cope with dodging enemy fire, however it is something completely different to be wondering if the person whom you thought you trusted, had a plan to eliminate you at any point when your back was turned or indeed if you sat down to take a drink of water.

Today, at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, I will be thinking about all the soldiers who were killed defending my right to be here writing this post. I will remember the sacrifice that many of them made to protect their comrades - and lost their lives in doing so. It grieves me all the more to also think of the young people who lost their lives in the last week, not so much as through "friendly" fire - but as a result of the machinations of some very evil individuals.

May G-d rest their souls.
Each and every one.

Disfigured Terror Victim Confronts Goldstone in U.N. Debate

2009-11-05T06:31:00.001Z

This is a brilliant and I repeat, brilliant, example of the bias exhibited in the Goldstone Report and even more so, the cynical stance continually taken by the UN against the State of Israel. Goldstone and his cronies as well as the UNHCR should themselves be tried for Crimes against the Jewish people.

Israel: Leader of Business Innovation - CNBC.com

2009-11-01T23:49:00.000Z

Israel: Leader of Business Innovation - CNBC.com

Col. Richard Kemp on the U.N. Goldstone Report

2009-10-18T12:30:00.001+01:00

The Friday Afternoon Feeling

2009-10-16T14:30:00.002+01:00

I'm at the butt-end of a long two weeks.

Yom Tov was pleasant. It really was. The weather....well, at least the rest of the festival was worth remembering.

The way it fell this year was not easy. Yes, it was nice to have Shabbat and Yom Tov at the same time, but it also meant that for those of us who value Sundays, the fortnight have not exactly been kind.

For that reason, I can say that I am really looking forward to return of "Saturday nights" and their sweet descendants...Sunday! This week, I won't get dolled up in my smart clothes and make my way to Shul. Oh no, not me. I look forward to shlumping around in my underwear until at least midday, at which point, I'll probably throw on something that should have been thrown...away - years ago.

Ah the gorgeous smell of Sunday already greets my frustrated and burned out nostrils.

Shabbat is welcome. It is more than welcome, it is mandatory and I can't wait to enjoy it once again. That other day of rest though less spiritual is no less anticipated.

Hooray - the weekends are finally back in my life.

My Bat Mitzvah Daughter

2009-10-11T22:31:00.004+01:00

I had no idea that by the end of Simchat Torah, I would be staring into the long day on which I would be thrust into fatherhood for the very first time.

Twelve years ago, we had one of those long Yom Tov do's. Thursday and Friday followed by the inevitable shabbat. Just like her old man, Hadassah was born on the Lord's day of rest, which landed on 24th Tishri.

So here I am, 12 years on with a daughter who has made the leap from little girl to legal adult (in the Jewish sense of the word) and I feel nothing but absolute joy and not a little wonder at how blessed we are to be parents to such a wonderful human being.

Her "official" welcome into the Bat Mitzvah circle is not scheduled for another few months but if truth be told, to me, tonight, she's already crossed the velvet line, between little girl and not-so little one.

Hadassah, be blessed. Be healthy and most importantly - don't ever be anyone except your wonderful self.

So much love

Daddy.

How Goldstone Erred

2009-09-29T08:42:00.000+01:00

Haaretz, Sept. 27, 2009
By Benjamin Pogrund

At least three times in his life, Richard Goldstone has gone against prevailing wisdom in taking on challenging jobs. Two were in apartheid South Africa - and he was brilliantly successful in both. The third, his Gaza inquiry, has brought down the coals of hell upon his head.

During the first three decades of apartheid, many judges were appointed because of their loyalty to the Afrikaner government. One result was a decline in the quality and status of South African courts. In response, the government sought to appoint some liberal lawyers of quality. Most, however, were reluctant to join the bench because it meant applying apartheid laws.

Some accepted: Goldstone, who made his name as a barrister in nonpolitical commercial cases, became a Supreme Court judge in 1980. The next year, far from merely applying the law, he handed down a judgment that struck at the heart of a basic apartheid law - the Group Areas Act, which had split the entire country into different areas where people of different races were respectively compelled to live and work, and displaced hundreds of thousands of people of color.

Goldstone ruled in favor of an Asian woman appealing against eviction from her home, and said she first had to be provided with alternative accommodation. His startling judgment ended such evictions.

His second challenging job came in 1991. Apartheid was winding down and the country was beset by violence, in which thousands were killed. A mysterious "Third Force" of government agents was rumored to be behind the killings. President F.W. de Klerk asked Goldstone to head a commission to investigate the terrible violence. Goldstone accepted - and ran it like no other commission before: Over three years, he issued 47 reports, revealing horrendous details about murder squads set up and funded by the government.

Gaza has been Goldstone's latest challenge. He again accepted a mandate from a poisoned source: the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva. I have no doubt that he acted with the best of intentions, as he has his entire life, first in South Africa and then in the world, to ensure justice be done. But I also believe that this time, his decision is open to question.

First, Goldstone underestimated the Human Rights Council's malevolence toward Israel. Most members harbor deep hatred for Israel, and wish for no less than its destruction. Goldstone should have been warned off by the refusal of several people before him to accept the job, including former Irish president Mary Robinson.

Second, he accepted the council's mandate, even though it had declared in advance that Israel was guilty of war crimes in Gaza. It is not enough that the council's chairman later said the mandate could include Hamas: Apart from the fact that this statement does not bind the council, his findings on Hamas will mean little or nothing in practice because the organization is not a recognized government and is beyond international action. Israel is the council's target and Goldstone has delivered it. His report has more strength because he is a Jew and enjoys international status.

Third, rejecting objections, he allowed Prof. Christine Chinkin to remain a member of his four-person commission even though, back in January, she had already publicly found Israel guilty, referring to its "prima facie war crimes" in Gaza. Goldstone thus seriously, even fatally, undermined the commission's credibility, and in doing so raised questions about his own good sense.

Fourth, the nearly 600-page report includes many pages of descriptions and allegations of Israeli oppression at home and on the West Bank. That is valid if the intention is to provide a context for Israel's actions in Gaza. But then it must be done properly, with careful research and assessments for a fair presentation of the mix of history, religion, culture and politics that make up the complex situation, including both good and bad. The report does not show that knowledge and understanding; instead, time and again, it's Israel that is bad, bad, bad.

Fifth, the report follows the usual line pursued by members of the council and Israel's other enemies - treating Israel as though it were a unique source of evil instead of examining Gaza in the light of experience elsewhere, in places such as Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan, where the military has taken on terrorists in a civilian setting.

Richard Goldstone is now under savage attack from many in the Jewish world. Right-wingers have gone berserk, with outpourings of hysterical condemnation. More measured criticism has come from Susan Rice, U.S. ambassador to the UN, who said there were "very serious concerns about many of the recommendations in the report," and U.S. State Department spokesman Ian Kelly, who criticized the report for its "cookie-cutter conclusions" about Israel's actions, while it limited its comments on "the deplorable actions of Hamas to generalized remarks."

But Kelly also urged Israel to further investigate IDF actions in Gaza. And that indeed is what Israel should do. I believed last December and still do that Israel was justified in going into Gaza. But I remain uncertain and uncomfortable about exactly what Israel did and why it did it. Was white phosphorous used over civilian areas? If so, why? What about the early killing of scores of policemen? What about reports that rescue parties were blocked from reaching the wounded, civilians carrying white flags were killed while fleeing and human shields were used? Why were journalists kept out?

The IDF says emphatically that it behaved correctly, but it is not enough for it to investigate itself. An independent investigation is needed - and the obvious person to head it is former Israeli Supreme Court president Aharon Barak, who would give it strength and status, at home and abroad. Israelis need it for their own moral peace of mind, or if wrong was done, to recognize and to address it. Israel needs to be certain that it can tell Goldstone and other critics that their accusations are skewed and unjustified.

Benjamin Pogrund, a former South African journalist, first reported on Richard Goldstone 48 years ago.
Source: Haaretz (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1116945.html).

Post Yom-Kippur Optimism

2009-09-28T23:27:00.002+01:00

Hi there friends. Yet again, I find myself having to apologise to the faithful who visit this site expecting to see my rantings. I have posted some blogs here recently, but not one of them would do any justice in trying to explain where my mind is at the present moment.

Or the rest of my body for that matter.

Thank you for still visiting, on the off chance that you might catch the latest episode in the soap opera that my life seems to have inexplicably morphed into over the last few months.

I can't go into precise details here, but to be blatently honest, I've seen better times. No, I'm not sick. No, I'm not out of work - in fact, that seems to be the one bit of timber that has survived from the shipwreck you see before you, something that I can hold onto when the tidal wave of life finally attempts to sink my remains to the bottom of the ocean. Suffice to say that one day, all (or at least some) will be revealed.

Which brings me to Yom Kippur. A day that evokes a torrent of thoughts and emotions, hopes and aspirations, fears and confusion. Quite a heady brew for one as young as me.

I thought about this post quite a bit yesterday as I was trying to re-assemble the Sukkah I put away last year. Again, I can't go into why these thoughts came into my mind, but I realised that being the optimist I am, helps me cope with almost any challenge that life decides to land me with.

Others in my position might fall apart, but something, something quite inexplicable within my psyche tells me that everything is going to be alright. I don't know how or why or for that matter, what - but this innate optimism, probably as foolish and naive as it puports to be - keeps me afloat at times when the water should justly be reaching over my eyebrows, envelopping me into a whirlwind of dispair, the kind that I really wouldn't want to wish on others.

At forty-one years of age, I realised yesterday afternoon, standing by the shed door, that were it not for my optimism, right now, I don't know how I would cope with my life. I know that the good Lord above will help me out. He hasn't let me down yet and I'm not about to turn my back on Him.

Optimism mixed in with a little dose of faith can take you a long, long way towards the brighter colours of the rainbow.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's Speech to the UN General Assembly

2009-09-24T22:13:00.001+01:00

(Courtesy Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs)

Mr. President, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Nearly 62 years ago, the United Nations recognized the right of the Jews, an ancient people 3,500 years-old, to a state of their own in their ancestral homeland.

I stand here today as the Prime Minister of Israel, the Jewish state, and I speak to you on behalf of my country and my people.

The United Nations was founded after the carnage of World War II and the horrors of the Holocaust. It was charged with preventing the recurrence of such horrendous events.

Nothing has undermined that central mission more than the systematic assault on the truth. Yesterday the President of Iran stood at this very podium, spewing his latest anti-Semitic rants. Just a few days earlier, he again claimed that the Holocaust is a lie.

Last month, I went to a villa in a suburb of Berlin called Wannsee. There, on January 20, 1942, after a hearty meal, senior Nazi officials met and decided how to exterminate the Jewish people. The detailed minutes of that meeting have been preserved by successive German governments. Here is a copy of those minutes, in which the Nazis issued precise instructions on how to carry out the extermination of the Jews. Is this a lie?

A day before I was in Wannsee, I was given in Berlin the original construction plans for the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp. Those plans are signed by Hitler’s deputy, Heinrich Himmler himself. Here is a copy of the plans for Auschwitz-Birkenau, where one million Jews were murdered. Is this too a lie?

This June, President Obama visited the Buchenwald concentration camp. Did President Obama pay tribute to a lie?

And what of the Auschwitz survivors whose arms still bear the tattooed numbers branded on them by the Nazis? Are those tattoos a lie? One-third of all Jews perished in the conflagration. Nearly every Jewish family was affected, including my own. My wife's grandparents, her father’s two sisters and three brothers, and all the aunts, uncles and cousins were all murdered by the Nazis. Is that also a lie?

Yesterday, the man who calls the Holocaust a lie spoke from this podium. To those who refused to come here and to those who left this room in protest, I commend you. You stood up for moral clarity and you brought honor to your countries.

But to those who gave this Holocaust-denier a hearing, I say on behalf of my people, the Jewish people, and decent people everywhere: Have you no shame? Have you no decency?

A mere six decades after the Holocaust, you give legitimacy to a man who denies that the murder of six million Jews took place and pledges to wipe out the Jewish state.

What a disgrace! What a mockery of the charter of the United Nations! Perhaps some of you think that this man and his odious regime threaten only the Jews. You're wrong.

History has shown us time and again that what starts with attacks on the Jews eventually ends up engulfing many others.

This Iranian regime is fueled by an extreme fundamentalism that burst onto the world scene three decades ago after lying dormant for centuries. In the past thirty years, this fanaticism has swept the globe with a murderous violence and cold-blooded impartiality in its choice of victims. It has callously slaughtered Moslems and Christians, Jews and Hindus, and many others. Though it is comprised of different offshoots, the adherents of this unforgiving creed seek to return humanity to medieval times.

Wherever they can, they impose a backward regimented society where women, minorities, gays or anyone not deemed to be a true believer is brutally subjugated. The struggle against this fanaticism does not pit faith against faith nor civilization against civilization.

It pits civilization against barbarism, the 21st century against the 9th century, those who sanctify life against those who glorify death.

The primitivism of the 9th century ought to be no match for the progress of the 21st century. The allure of freedom, the power of technology, the reach of communications should surely win the day. Ultimately, the past cannot triumph over the future. And the future offers all nations magnificent bounties of hope. The pace of progress is growing exponentially.

It took us centuries to get from the printing press to the telephone, decades to get from the telephone to the personal computer, and only a few years to get from the personal computer to the internet.

What seemed impossible a few years ago is already outdated, and we can scarcely fathom the changes that are yet to come. We will crack the genetic code. We will cure the incurable. We will lengthen our lives. We will find a cheap alternative to fossil fuels and clean up the planet.

I am proud that my country Israel is at the forefront of these advances – by leading innovations in science and technology, medicine and biology, agriculture and water, energy and the environment. These innovations the world over offer humanity a sunlit future of unimagined promise.

But if the most primitive fanaticism can acquire the most deadly weapons, the march of history could be reversed for a time. And like the belated victory over the Nazis, the forces of progress and freedom will prevail only after an horrific toll of blood and fortune has been exacted from mankind. That is why the greatest threat facing the world today is the marriage between religious fanaticism and the weapons of mass destruction.

The most urgent challenge facing this body is to prevent the tyrants of Tehran from acquiring nuclear weapons. Are the member states of the United Nations up to that challenge? Will the international community confront a despotism that terrorizes its own people as they bravely stand up for freedom?

Will it take action against the dictators who stole an election in broad daylight and gunned down Iranian protesters who died in the streets choking in their own blood? Will the international community thwart the world's most pernicious sponsors and practitioners of terrorism?

Above all, will the international community stop the terrorist regime of Iran from developing atomic weapons, thereby endangering the peace of the entire world?

The people of Iran are courageously standing up to this regime. People of goodwill around the world stand with them, as do the thousands who have been protesting outside this hall. Will the United Nations stand by their side?...

The Rabbi and the Pooch

2009-09-07T20:10:00.001+01:00

This is so cute!

Jewish skull caps - 'Made in Palestine' - Haaretz - Israel News

2009-08-23T12:02:00.001+01:00

Jewish skull caps - 'Made in Palestine' - Haaretz - Israel News

Shared via AddThis

Scotland And Its Braves

2009-08-21T13:02:00.003+01:00

Dassi, Tali and I returned from Scotland last night. I'm not going to write much here, because I'm too exhausted....but I will say how strong an impression the country and its people have had on me.

In short, I absolutely loved the place. I have seldom met genuinely friendly people who went out of their way to help us, from the people in the street, to the lady we stayed with.

It didn't matter that the weather was awful because the welcome was so warm.

Do yourself a favour and visit Scotland - I know I shall!

WTTW Beth Shalom B'nai Zaken Ethiopian Hebrew Congregation

2009-08-19T07:57:00.001+01:00

Parental CV

2009-08-14T17:35:00.002+01:00

PARENT - Job Description

POSITION :
Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,
this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining
and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

Hava Nagila Texas Style

2009-08-11T17:41:00.001+01:00

Killing Off My Teenage Years

2009-08-07T08:45:00.003+01:00

G-d has a peculiar sense of humour.

I can only think this as yet another of my teenage memories is brought out of the laundry basket that is my memory, washed at a high speed and then unceremoniously thrown back into the basket of long forgotten memories, only to be re-buried into my subconscious.

First it was the death of Michael Jackson and my reminiscing about hearing Thriller for the first time back in '82 and now I hear that John Hughes, director of a number of films that really spoke to my generation, dies at the criminally young age of 59.

What's going on here?

I am a child of the '80s, of Thatcher, Reagen, AIDS, Yuppies, Duran Duran and Dallas. I was also a teenager who remembers seeing films like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Weird Science. These were our films, our years, our memories. These were also movies that talked to us as the '80s generation, in particular The Breakfast Club. I would love to say that Weird Science was more meaningful to me, granted the subject matter, but I wasn't that fortunate. I did however see it on a date and although sadly, I remember the film more than the girl, John Hughes was always there for us.

Teenage movies have been around from the '50s. Although I admire films such as Rebel Without A Cause and The Blackboard Jungle, I can't really relate to them from an experiential point of view. In the same way, I laugh out loud at some of the latest exponents of the genre (such as Superbad and the American Pie series), but they aren't about me.

I have never had experiences like Ferris Bueller or indeed the entire class of The Breakfast Club, but the knowledge that some of these kids were similar in age to me (even though I was placed at the younger end of the spectrum having been born at the end of the '60s) made the films seem all that more authentic. I could see where these guys, where the characters that Hughes created were coming from, burdened with the angst that so many of the us 1980's teenagers seemed to be burdened with.

It is not that often I feel a celebrity's demise so personally. John Hughes managed to tap into something that few others have been able to do and it is for this reason that his passing makes me feel bereft at this time.

Before John Hughes decided to target the younger audiences with films like Home Alone and Dennis the Menace, he thought about us and for that, I shall be eternally grateful to him. He may not have been the world's greatest director, but sometimes, the place you hold in other's people's hearts is determined by different factors.

Rest in Peace Mr Hughes and thank you for taking the time to try and understand us.
We shall remain forever your appreciative fans.

Exiting The Three Weeks

2009-08-02T08:48:00.005+01:00

Anyone who has come out of the last three weeks, taking the (Jewish) religious element to heart will know how I feel right now.

In the past, I haven't really treated the Three Week period of mourning for the destruction of the Temples that seriously. Yes, I did the basics, such as not cutting my hair or attending a wedding (not that there were any of those to go to), but I still went out to the cinema and even attended some concerts (I was not going to miss Simon and Garfunkel's unique concert in Hyde Park for anything!).

What makes this year different is that I made a conscious effort to get into the spirit of the thing. Admittedly, I didn't stop listening to music until Rosh Chodesh Av, but that's because to me, music is so much more than just simple entertainment - it is the oxygen for my soul. I did however make a point of not going out to the cinema or buying new clothes (not that I do this much anyway). Still, it was a question of internalising the period and trying to get into the spirit of the twenty one days in a meaningful way.

What make this year different though is how I approached the Nine Days, which ran from the start of the month of Av until Tisha B'av (the 9th of the month) which is the saddest and most poignant day in the Jewish calendar. For the first time in many a year, I didn't shave. I also didn't listen to music (which in a way was the hardest thing to do - although I do usually abscond), but most importantly, at least to me, is that I tried my best to do as much as I could to conform with the laws pertaining to the occasion.

That said, there are certain things I always refuse to do during the Nine Days. I will not stop taking hot showers, because for me, these are less in issue of comfort, than a bare necessity. I also refuse to avoid washing clothes because, in a family of our magnitude, I can't believe that the good Lord above would want me to spend the week after the fast catching up with an Everest-like load of stinking, mucky washing.

I did the fast as I do every year and even spent the last few hours watching an amazing live web cast from the Beth Jacob shul in West Hollywood, where the extraordinary Rabbi Steven Weil talked for about three hours, without notes, in a brilliant monologue that brimmed with anecdotes and insights into the Kinnot (poems pertaining to the fast), the like of which I have never hitherto experienced.

I did all of this because I felt that it was something that I needed to be a part of - and I'm glad I did because the feelings of relief and spiritual satisfaction that I am now encountering could never have been realised had I not gone through the whole caboodle.

A friend of mine made a telling remark. He says that going through the period slowly dehumanises us (you see, A, I really do listen to you!), from the start of the Three Weeks, through the prohibitions of the Nine Days and ultimately into Tisha B'av when we remove the very requirements we need to sustain us (food and liquid) and find ourselves sitting on the floor in the Synagogue, with not much more than a prayer book (and in my case a mobile phone - because mourning can only go so far).
A very insightful comment, A. and one that I am totally in agreement with.

Now, it is all over and for me, the Summer has finally begun. It's just a shame that the sun doesn't seem to concur, because it feels as though Autumn is already here, granted the preponderance of rain and lack of sunshine (albeit on hold today, because it is beautiful out there!).

Going through the process of re-humanisation is a truly uplifting experience. I don't look forward to repeating the experiment next year, but when the time comes around again, I think I'll be more than ready.

When "Censorship" Is A Misused Concept

2009-07-23T07:29:00.003+01:00

I can see that quite a big deal is being made of the fact that Israel's Education Minister has decided to finally act in a responsible manner!

OK, that's a little unfair.

As you might have heard, Gidon Sa'ar has decided that Israeli Arab school kids should not be using textbooks that refer to the birth of Israel as a Nakba or "catastrophe". My question is why this term was ever used in the first place, granted that we are talking about the Israeli school system, not the shameful excuse for education as practiced by our lovely cousins in Gaza and its environs.

Sa'ar says that the majority of Israeli Arabs do not consider the events to be "catastrophic" in nature. That might be a moot point, although not as far from reality as one would imagine, granted that they have lived a better life in Israel than they could ever hope to under Arab sovereignty.

Is Israel finally starting to wake up to the fact that we have to push the Jewish angle here? If Arab schoolkids want to learn about the other side, why should we be the ones teaching it?

As you know, I am teacher. I value education above almost anything else and I know that the best way to change mindsets is through engaging kids responsibly. The only way we can counter the poisoning of minds, as practised so skillfully by the Palestinians is by teaching the kids that Israel was founded as pluralistic and democratic state, with the intention of promoting Jewish values to all who chose to live within it's borders. It therefore behoves us to banish the kind of rhetoric that undermines the core values of that very same State.

Calling the miraculous War of Independence a "Naqba" is nothing short of a gross insult to every single person who died in the conflict. If doing so is branded "censorship" by our people (and frankly, I couldn't give a damn what CNN, the BBC et al call it), then I don't think we deserve to have the country in the first place.

Palestinians of Jewish Origin 2\2

2009-07-23T05:15:00.006+01:00

Palestinians of Jewish Origin 1\2

2009-07-23T05:15:00.005+01:00

European court: Israel boycotts are unlawful discrimination

2009-07-22T21:39:00.002+01:00

by HERB KEINON

Israel finally won one last week in an international human rights court.

On Thursday, the Council of Europe's European Court of Human Rights upheld a French ruling that it was illegal and discriminatory to boycott Israeli goods, and that making it illegal to call for a boycott of Israeli goods did not constitute a violation of one's freedom of expression.
The Council of Europe is based in Strasbourg, has some 47 member states and is independent of the European Union. The court is made up of one judge from each member state, and the rulings of the court carry moral weight throughout Europe.

On Thursday the court ruled by a vote of 6-1 that the French court did not violate the freedom of expression of the Communist mayor of the small French town of Seclin, Jean-Claude Fernand Willem, who in October 2002 announced at a town hall meeting that he intended to call on the municipality to boycott Israeli products.

Jews in the region filed a complaint with the public prosecutor, who decided to prosecute Willem for "provoking discrimination on national, racial and religious grounds." Willem was first acquitted by the Lille Criminal Court, but that decision was overturned on appeal in September 2003 and he was fined €1,000.

His appeal to a higher French court was unsuccessful, and as a result he petitioned the European Court of Human rights in March 2005, saying his call for a boycott of Israeli products was part of a legitimate political debate, and that his freedom of expression had been violated.

The court, made up of judges from Denmark, France, Germany, Liechtenstein, Monaco, Macedonia and the Czech Republic ruled that interference with the former mayor's freedom of expression was needed to protect the rights of Israeli producers.

According to a statement issued by the court on Thursday, the court held the view that Willem was not convicted for his political opinions, "but for inciting the commission of a discriminatory, and therefore punishable, act. The Court further noted that, under French law, the applicant was not entitled to take the place of the governmental authorities by declaring an embargo on products from a foreign country, and moreover that the penalty imposed on him had been relatively moderate."

The one dissenting opinion was written by the Czech judge.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Yigal Palmor hailed the ruling Sunday, saying it provided important ammunition for those challenging on legal grounds calls frequently heard in Europe for a boycott of Israeli products, as well as calls for a boycott of Israeli academia.
"It is now clear that in every country in Europe there is a precedent for calling boycotts of Israeli goods a violation of the law," Palmor said. "This is an important precedent, one that says very clearly that boycott calls are discriminatory. We hope this will help us push back against all the calls for boycotts of Israeli goods."

(c) The Jerusalem Post 2009

A Stunning List of Accomplishments

2009-07-20T06:39:00.001+01:00

I was emailed this...

"If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have shrugged it off?

Had George W. Bush given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, in exchange for a thoughtful and historic gift from Mr. Brown, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had gifted the Queen of England with an iPod containing videos of his own speeches, would you not have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have been incensed?

Were George W. Bush to have visited Austria and made an inane reference to the non-existent "Austrian language", would you have brushed it off as an insignificant slip?

If George W. Bush had staffed his cabinet and circle of top advisers with persons who cannot or do not keep current on their income taxes, would you have been OK with that?

If George W. Bush had been so unbelievably ignorant of Mexican history and the Spanish language as to clumsily and nonsensically refer to Mexican Festive Day - Cinco de Mayo (Fifth of May) as "cinco de cuatro" (fifth of four) in the presence of the Mexican Ambassador, and continue to flub it when trying to recover from the gaffe, would you have merely winced in embarrassment and shrugged it off?

Had George W. Bush misspelled the word "advice", would you have hammered him incessantly as was Dan Quale for spelling "potato" "potatoe", and cite this as proof he's a dunce?

Had George W. Bush burned 9,000 gallons of air polluting jet fuel to go on a Midwestern photo op and plant a single tree on "Earth Day", would you have said he's a hypocrite?

If the Bush administration had okayed Air Force One with fighter escort flying low and unannounced over millions of people in downtown Manhattan while stirring widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually "get" what happened on 9-11?

Had George W. Bush been the first President to need a teleprompter to get through a press conference, would you have seen this as proof of how inept he is? And would you also suspect his words were actually those of someone behind the scenes?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief to flood victims in the Midwest where more people were killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you have fashioned it into an ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush, in an unprecedented government intrusion into the private sector, and completely without the constitutional authority to do so, dared "fire" the CEO of a corporation, would you have acquiesced?

Had George W. Bush in his first year proposed to double a national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, would you have gone along?

And if George W. Bush then proposed to double the debt again in a few years, would you have questioned the wisdom of such a course of action?

If George W. Bush had degraded by 90% your own retirement plan's holdings in GM stock, and at the same time given the UAW a majority stake in GM, effectively giving ownership over to the union, would you have accepted that?

If George W. Bush, after telling Americans "it is time to sacrifice", had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to fly Laura to New York City for dinner and a Broadway play on the taxpayer dime, would you have called him a hypocrite?

So, tell me again, what exactly is it about Obama that you consider evidence of his brilliance, competence, diplomacy, and leadership?

Can't think of anything? Don't worry. Obama's done all the above in his first 5 months – and the MSM (Main Stream Media) has shrugged it off, so you have three years and seven months to come up with something."

The Indescribable Bouquet

2009-07-14T18:30:00.003+01:00

It looks like an ordinary bouquet of flowers, but it is anything but.

"M" was a student for whom I had high hopes. She came to the school in the middle of Year 10 and had a lot of work to catch up with. She toiled away solidly and pretty soon, demonstrated an ability to produce work of high quality, the type that stood out from the rest of the pack.

Fast forward a year and she was slacking somewhat. With deadlines approaching, she wasn't making the mark and I was concerned, as were others in the school that she wouldn't make it (it should however be noted that she told me she had spent the last week battling the flu, so I can't be too harsh in my judgement of her). With the final external moderation imminent (it took place yesterday), I spent the better part of the last week bombarding her with emails, voice messages and suchlike, cajoling her into her getting herself into school to finish off the work ASAP.

To my immense relief, she manged to fight off the bug and soon after, complete her work.

Today, she turned up with the bouquet you see above coupled with a lovely card, thanking me for my efforts. I won't reveal the contents of the card, but I can say that I am extremely touched (and not a little relieved that she has finished!).

We work damn hard with the kids to get them their results and sometimes, any positive outcomes seem so remote, they might as well be hallucinatory . If it takes one student to come in and say thank you, with or without flowers, the whole effort we expended serves to remind us why we joined this extraordinary profession in the first place.

The title of this post is "The indescribable bouquet".

I hope you now understand why.

The Primary Moment

2009-07-08T23:33:00.003+01:00

Last week, my multi-talented eldest daughter, Hadassah performed magnificently in the school production of Fiddler On The Roof. She stole every scene that she was in, playing Yenta as though the part had been written for her.

You don't need to take only my word for it. Just ask anyone else who witnessed her extraordinary performance. She was simply - and I don't care if I'm biased - magnificent. She had the voice, the moves, the whole caboodle down to a tee.

We laughed and sang along with the familiar music. It was a lovely evening.

Then tonight, we had the Siyum, otherwise known as the Primary School prom. This was her leaving ceremony and the last time she will appear on stage, in front of parents, with the children she has spent her life with since the age of four. It was a very special and prestigious moment for all concerned.

And yes, I was emotional and sad. It was as though, through my daughter, another part of my life was coming to a close. It makes no sense really, because I hardly knew the other kids on the stage, but I felt that, in my role of proxy, I too was moving on, into uncharted waters.

Endings are always sad. The memories that she has built up will stay with her for the rest of her life and these are special occasions because they don't happen more than once. She will Please G-d graduate many more times, but there is something to be said about leaving your primary school friends behind and going on into a new school. Maybe I feel it more because, for the first time, my daughter will be experiencing the same educational key stages that I work with throughout the academic year.

For the first time, she will be learning the kind of things that I teach other children of her age. She will be entering my realm.

It's more than that. It's the feeling that some of her innocence - the type you can only maintain in primary school will evaporate as she enters the harder, sharper edges of the secondary stage in her education. In short, my little girl is growing up - and this evening, as she stood on that stage in the hall, I realised that my life, like hers, will never be the same again.

Oral Testimony of Noam Shalit

2009-07-06T19:10:00.001+01:00

Oral Testimony of Noam Shalit, Father of Kidnapped Israeli Soldier Gilad Shalit
Delivered to UN Fact Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict, Geneva, 6 July 2009

My name is Noam Schalit and I am the father of the kidnapped Israeli soldier Gilad Schalit.

Honorable members of the Mission – I thank you for giving me the opportunity to address you today. I thank you, also, for allowing me to make my testimony public. I know that this Mission is determined to give the victims of the recent conflict in Gaza an opportunity to make their voice heard. So - with your kind permission - I would like to use this distinguished forum – the United Nations – first to address you and then to address the people of Gaza and, in particular, the people holding my son Gilad.

Honorable Members of the Mission, a few weeks ago you were in Gaza. You met the Hamas hierarchy. According to the Ma’an news agency – Mr. Ismail Haniyya welcomed your mission deploring what he viewed as Israel’s grave violations of international law. The same news agency reported that the Mission thanked Mr. Haniyya for his cooperation in facilitating its work. Sirs and Madam, if this cooperation is indeed genuine then the same Hamas hierarchy should honor your eventual findings – whatever they may be.

And I have no doubt that after you read my written submissions, you will determine that my son’s violent abduction and his continuing detention subject to extortion is, equally, a violation of international law. After you hear the cassette recording of my son’s voice – released on the first anniversary of his capture - you will be shocked by the callous cynicism of his captors and the grief that his words have caused me and my family. These are words that he was forced to read. You will also find, without a doubt, that the refusal to allow him access to the Red Cross, if not a war crime is, at least, a gross act of inhumanity and an aggravating circumstance.

Members of the Mission - The same Geneva Convention of 1949 which this Mission will use to judge the legality of the Israeli attack on Gaza forbids the holding to ransom of an individual – whether he be soldier or otherwise. The same Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court by which the Palestinian Authority seeks to charge the Israeli hierarchy condemns the Hamas leadership no less for the crime of taking hostages – soldiers or otherwise. The same court in The Hague where the Palestinian Authority pursues Mr. Olmert may equally investigate Mr. Masha’al who - with his Jordanian nationality - falls squarely within the jurisdiction of this institution.

But what is the purpose of this honorable Mission? Is it really to lay the basis for a future criminal prosecution? Or is it, perhaps, to effect reconciliation? Know that the minds and hearts of the Israeli people are with my son on a daily basis. His release – which it is within your power to promote – will bring about such reconciliation.

And now, with you permission, I would like to address the Palestinian victims of Operation Cast Lead.

People of Gaza, I do not come before this Mission as a representative of the Israeli State. I come neither to condemn nor to justify the recent Israeli operations in Gaza. I am not a politician nor do I care for politics. I am a civilian and the father of three.

I last saw my son Gilad on Wednesday 21 June 2006 when he returned to the military service which his country obliged him to perform by law. A few days later, his patrol was sabotaged by armed Palestinians, two of his fellow soldiers were killed before his very eyes and he was abducted. He was nineteen years old at the time. A shy boy with a nervous smile and a studious disposition. Like many his age, all that occupied him were his studies and sport. To all those who know him, he is gentle and sensitive to the suffering of others - a trait he has shown from an early age. At the age of 11, his teacher asked him to write a fable. His drawings and narrative have now been published. I am giving the Mission a copy of this book. You can read it if you wish. The story of a shark and a fish who became friends against all the odds. Need I say more? Suffice to say that the will for peace and security can overcome fear and distrust.

People of Gaza - Do not overlook the circumstances of my son’s service nor of his capture. He was not attacking your territory. He was not even in your territory. He was operating within the sovereign territory of the State of Israel – protecting the integrity of what was supposed to be a border of peace after a complete Israeli withdrawal.

Your leaders say Gilad is a prisoner of war. I say he is an abductee. The difference is in the interpretation of the law. But even if your leaders hold my son as a prisoner of war – why will they not allow him the privileges which attach to such a status? Gilad has no contact with the outside world. Your leaders refuse him access to the International Committee of the Red Cross - the same Red Cross which regularly visits your people held captive in Israeli prisons. The same Red Cross which protests the violations of their rights to the Israeli Government.

People of Gaza, your leaders are fighting to return your sons and daughters from captivity. This is an understandable desire. You may agree with such a policy. Many of you, however, will realize that the fate of an entire prison population cannot depend on the ransom of one young man.

Your leaders have committed a crime with respect to my son. They hold him to ransom and, by the same token, they hold all of you to ransom. For three years now, you have been held hostage to the inflexible demands of your leaders and their unwillingness to compromise. They issue demands which, I fear, the Israeli Government will never meet. My son’s fate is the means through which your leaders distract your attention from the destruction they have brought upon you. Is this humane? Are these the acts of an honorable regime?

People of Gaza - Do not ignore the root cause of our mutual suffering. You know that the injustice done to my son was the trigger for war. You also know that the release of my son is the key to peace and the lifting of the Israeli commercial blockade. A small gesture and a little effort on both sides can relieve the misery of many.

President Sarkozy of France recently told Prime Minister Netanyahu that your leaders would not release Gilad until Israel freed prisoners. I am not a party to talks on prisoner release. I am not consulted on numbers and I have no say in the conduct of negotiations. Like many of you, all that concerns me is that the one I love returns home. Do those of you who are waiting for the return of those close to you care for the politics? Do you care for the posturing of your leaders? Or do you - like me - wish that this war and what caused it would never have happened?

But if a prisoner exchange need be the course we are forced to adopt, let reason and moderation overcome excessive demands. Let not a stalemate in the negotiations prevail over the will of the people. Let not stubborness triumph over compassion.

People of Gaza - like many of you, we are suffering the consequences of the decisions and failures of others. Like many of you, my family and I have been caught up in a web of violence. Like many of you, I pay a heavy price on a daily basis. I know that you are short of food. Some of your loved ones have been killed – women and children, young and innocent. I understand your distress and sympathize with your grief. I have visited your wounded from Beit Hanoun and, have witnessed, at first hand, the unnecessary suffering and the unspeakable atrocity of war. But even so, I do not compare suffering. As a parent speaking to a multitude of parents - I ask you to understand my family’s anguish. As the days go by, we begin to despair. We despair of the day when we will see our son again. I know neither where he is held nor how he fares. Whether he is injured or whether he is even alive.

And finally to the people holding my son: I urge you to release my son. You have the power to act with grace. Do it for the respectability that you wish the international community to accord you. Do it because you see yourselves as statesmen acting with humane intent. Do it for the sake of the respect you say you show this Mission. Do it not for gain but do it, I beg you, because it is the just and right thing to do. But most important of all, do it for the peace and welfare of your own people.

Quote Of The Year

2009-07-06T07:22:00.000+01:00

"On a more serious front, I sincerely hope that when the President goes in for his annual check-up, the doctors at Bethesda will do a brain scan. Surely something must be terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with a Jew building a house in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran ."

--columnist Burt Prelutsky

Bilaam Was Correct

2009-07-05T14:55:00.003+01:00

I was sitting in Synagogue (Shul) yesterday morning listening to the weekly recital from the Torah. On this occasion, as on many others, we read about the continuing wanderings (and indeed "wonderings") of our forefathers as they trundled their way around the desert for four long decades.

As you may or may not be aware, at one point, they came across a rather nasty character called Bilaam (or Balaam as he is strangely referred to) who despite his best efforts to curse the nation, ended up blessing them and in the process, realising that he'd bitten more than he could chew by not exactly making himself a mate of the good Lord above.

One of the utterances he mouthed gave me food for thought.

Looking over the encamped tribes, he stated majestically:
"I see them as mountain peaks, and I behold them as hills; it is a nation that will dwell alone, and is not reckoned (or counted) with the other nations" (Hebrew- Hen Am levadad yishkon uva-goyim lo yitchashav).

Wow. That really knocked me back.

The Jewish people, even way back then were prophesied to be different to the other nations - not only that, but he said that we would be destined to "dwell alone".

Three thousand, two hundred and ninety years ago.

Fast forward to July 2009 and how alone we still are.

The whole world points its fingers at one county, one nation and blames them for everything that is going wrong. Whether it be our struggle defend ourselves in Gaza (read the vicious reports produced by the caring people at Amnesty International or for that matter, the disgraceful pronouncements coming out of the UN since 1948) - or the pernicious ruling by the Court of Appeal which brands our religion racist for daring to admit children to the JFS according the traditional criteria of what constitutes a Jew - or even the attempts to ban Shechitah in many countries (irrespective of how safe we feel right now about this), whilst simultaneously attempting to brand us "barbaric" for refusing to administer anaesthetics to the baby boys before a bris (something which is against the Torah) - we find ourselves standing alone, so isolated after many many years of hardship.

We were alone when the German massacred our people and today, we are alone again in trying to show people like Obama that the enemy is not Israel, but Syria, Iran and Hamas.

A nation that resides alone.
Indeed.

Instead of trying to understand our current predicament, maybe we should accept the unpalatable truth that all those years ago, Bilaam, uttering the words of G-d, told us everything we will ever need to know about our place in this world.

King Solomon the Wise said "there is nothing new under the sun" (ein kol chadash tachat hashemesh) in Kohelet (Ecclesiastes).

How right both men were.

Get Real Hip Hop for peace in the Middle East

2009-07-04T23:37:00.001+01:00

Thrilled But Saddened

2009-06-27T23:51:00.004+01:00

What happened to the fresh face that beamed from the cassette cover?

I'm of the generation that remembers the impact of the release of Thriller. I remember going into Oliver Crombie in Golders Green Road and buying the tape. I had to. I just had to get it for myself. Everyone else I knew was listening to it. It was all over the news.

I still remember sticking it my first Walkman, a metallic red cage, probably one of the first models which still works today. I recall hearing the songs, this being before I had got into The Beatles and wondering when I would hear the Thriller song, not realising that Michael Jackson was not singing "Driller" but indeed "Thriller" - hey I was 14, I was allowed to be stupid at that age.

I instantly fell in love with Billy Jean, I mean, how could you not get taken in by that entrancing beat? I loved Beat It and PYT and yes, even Human Nature. This was the first real album that I'd bought into, my virginal album experience. So for me Thriller has a very special significance. This was 1982 and there was nobody cooler on the planet than Michael Jackson.

When Bad came out, I'd already lot enough interest to avoid buying the album, although I admit that I'd copied it from the vinyl onto cassette. It was MJ do his thing again, but without the sheer sweetness of Thriller (although I Just Can't Stop Loving You was and is an absolutely gorgeous number). I eventually went out to re-bought Thriller on CD, as well Off The Wall- and I still remember shaking the house as I danced in my room to Don't Stop Til You Get Enough!

I could never have guessed that the face on the cover of my special album would become so unrecognisable over time and that this icon of the 1980's would end up being involved fronting such sordid headlines.

Over time, my so called love affair with MJ turned decidedly cold, not unlike that of others in my generation. Thriller transmogrified into more a chiller and now, so 27 years later, I stand confused at what's exactly happened to this ultimately tragic figure.

I want to play Thriller again and marvel at the talent who, along with others introduced me to a different musical experience. I just hope that I can erase everything that I've learned about Michael Jackson since the moment I pressed play on that trusty old Sony Walkman, in my mother's car, in Hodford Road, Golders Green, back in 1982.

Talking Essex

2009-06-24T15:55:00.001+01:00

The following will be totally lost on anyone who doesn't know the way people in Essex talk. If you do, prepare to smile...

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff")

eye-eels - Women's shoes

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday

tan - The city of London , the big smoke

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")

A Letter to Barack Obama

2009-06-22T07:02:00.001+01:00

Machon Ohr Aaron and Betsy Spijer

Thoughts to Ponder 240

Nathan Lopes Cardozo

To
President Barack Obama

I am a Jew.
I stand at the Western Wall.

How long do I stand here?
Nearly 4000 years,
since the days of my grandfather Abraham
when he nearly sacrificed his son
at Mount Moriah.

I see the Wall with its frozen tears,
and passing clouds with many sighs.
I read millions of names:
Born in Egypt, Babylon, Rome, Poland,
Spain, Hungary, America and South Africa.

But that was only in a dream.
In reality
we Jews were all born in Israel, and then exiled by Titus.
Although most of us began our childhoods
in foreign countries,
we merely camped in these places, but never dwelled in them.

And at the end of our lives,
Though our tombstones may stand in Exile,
our bodies are buried in the dust of Israel.

***

The return to Zion is unprecedented.
It is sui generis.
The State of Israel is a surprise,
a shock,
for it is the story of a nation in exile
which never had to return because it never left.
It lifted its Holy Land from its native soil,
transformed it into a portable homeland,
carrying it to all corners
of the earth,
only to replant it again in its native land
when the students of Titus can no longer prevent it from doing so.

***
Mr. President,

Israel was not built on the ashes of Auschwitz.
It is founded on the Bible,
a divine text rooted in the Jewish experience of nearly 4000 years.
A "Heilsgeschichte", a Redemptive History
for all of mankind.

Israel was not created because of the Holocaust,
but rather despite the Holocaust.

***

Jerusalem

Only the Jews, for thousands of years, prayed and continue to pray for its rebuilding.

No other people.

Only the Jews mourn its destruction of nearly two thousand years ago.

No other nation.

It is only they who weep, sitting on the floor on the date of the Temple's desecration
in the month of Av, year after year.

No other people.

It is only they who for two thousand years break a glass under the marriage canopy, an expression of sorrow for Jerusalem.
(How many millions of glasses were broken throughout exile?)

No other nation.

It is only the Jews who for thousands of years build their houses but leave a part of the wall unplastered because of the loss of their Temple.

No other people.

It is only Jewish women who do not wear all their jewelry at once, in deference to the destruction of the House of God.

No other women.

And it is only the Jews who cover their dead with the dust of the land of Israel even when they bring their dear ones to their final resting place outside the land of Israel.

No other burial society.

Neither Titus' offspring,
nor Saladin's descendants,
nor Godfrey of Bouillon, the crusader, nor his children,
ever mourned, prayed or buried their dead in the Earth of the Holy Land.

This, dear President, you must learn.

For without this knowledge,
there will be no way to make peace.

Nathan Lopez Cardozo

Getting On...

2009-06-16T07:51:00.003+01:00

Netanyahu Raises His Game

2009-06-15T06:13:00.006+01:00

I don't envy Bibi.

After Obama's speech, there was very little he could say that would invite the kind of platitudes that his erstwhile but exceedingly naive predecessor garnered on his Cairo outing.

That said, I don't think the man did half as badly as many thought he would.

I believe that he stepped up to the microphone and delivered a speech that we as a Jewish nation can be justly proud of.

Bibi knows that whatever he says, he's going to put himself in the line of the fire. The rightists will never concede an inch of land and ideally speaking, they really shouldn't need to.The real world though says that we don't have much choice, not as long as the occupant of the White House is breathing down our necks waiting for our move.

The Palestinians of course rejected his offer of a demilitarized state and came up with the frankly ridiculous argument that we would be sticking them inside a ghetto. If anyone has the slightest knowledge of what constituted a ghetto like Warsaw or indeed Venice, they would know that this is a fatuous and indeed facile response. Then again, the Palis have never lost an opportunity to lose an opportunity as Ebba Eban memorably stated.

I think that Bibi's speech was brave, forthright and on the mark. The truth is that, whether we like it or not, the only view that really counts is the one that emanates from inside the Oval Office. The BBC, Sky, CNN and yes, even the "wonderful" Europeans can talk as much rubbish as they like and dissect the ideas as though they were engaged in a Year 11 science project (frog included) - but this is all for nought.

Obama liked the speech and at the end of the day, we have no choice but to go along with what he wants, irrespective of whether or not we like his views.

You know me. I am a rightist. I believe in the entire land of Israel belonging to the Jewish nation. If I had my way, I would kick the Arabs (including the Israeli ones who wholeheartedly sympathise with the "Palestinian Cause", whatever that might be these days) into Jordan and give them their due heritage. I don't have an issue with our taking back our land. I also know that this is an impossible ideal which won't ever happen, at least until the arrival of the Messiah. So we have to deal with the next best thing - which is what Bibi and everyone else has admitted needs to be done.

I'm also wise enough to know that the Palestinians themselves are too divided and hell bent on destroying anything that is ever given to them - to agree to Bibi, Obama or dammit, every other well-wisher's proposals.They have a long history of, for want of a better phrase "shooting themselves in the foot". They have been offered a state on numerous occasions and failed to rise to the occasion, which is of course something they are repeating yet again with their rejection of the speech (unless of course this was a ploy on Abbas's behalf to pacify any of the Palestinians who are still listening to him).

Obama did make a valid point about future steps needing to be discussed in the dark recesses of the limelight's shadow. With the posturing over, Abbas might be interested in showing that he is the true leader and statesman his people are crying out for. History has shown that they have been short-changed time and time again - and if their continued love and admiration for a terrorist like Arafat is anything to go by, they're not going to get very far in their desire to prove themselves as an entity that Israel or the rest of the world will be bothered to engage with.

The ball, as they say, is squarely within their court. My feeling is that it is now lodged in a pit, halfway between the gateway and the door to the outhouse. The issue is whether the Palestinians have anyone in their ranks who is brave or indeed strong enough to kick it over the wall into Israel or indeed the West itself.

Hate Does Not Disciminate

2009-06-11T06:11:00.003+01:00

It breaks my heart.
It truly breaks my heart.

Yesterday, in Washington DC, an 88 year old pathetic excuse for a human being walked into a museum and shot a guard dead.

Let's rephrase that.

A white man walked into a building owned by Jews and shot a black man dead.

The building housed the Holocaust Museum.

The Holocaust is by far the most shocking example of man's inhumanity towards his fellow creature. It represents everything that is reprehensible about human-kind and yet, the ultimate irony is that a white supremacist used this location -this very location, to demonstrate exactly what was so inconceivable, but seventy years ago.

Where do we go from here?
What have we learned?
How, in G-d's name (or lack thereof), can so little have been learned in so much time?

The only thing to say, I suppose is that for every piece of homosapien waste that walks the earth, there are (hopefully) many many others humans who use their lives for a more positive purpose.

I hope that the eighty-eight year old doesn't die. I hope that he lives and suffers long enough to see that, when it comes to it, the only message that comes out of something as horrific as the Holocaust is the destruction of the warped ideals that he obviously believes in.

At 88 years old, he won't change his views, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't totally despise every single thing that this execrable human being believes in.

(On The Way To) Becoming Me

2009-06-09T05:35:00.004+01:00

Last Monday, my body went past the forty-first and-a-half anniversary of it's first encounter with the external world (why is it that only kids can get away with adding fractions to their age?).

I can't say that I noticed much change from the day before. I was too busy teaching kids, preparing lessons, trying to keep my excitable wife and kids calm and so forth. It came and went, pretty much like the previous data, six months afore.

Then again, I have marked it because I'm sitting here at 05:39, writing about it nine days later.

I was musing (as I often do) about reaching this venerable - or maybe not - age.

When I was a kid, I didn't know what I wanted to either do or be. Being Jewish, there is a lot of peer pressure to be successful. All the kids in my class were going to be either very rich, very educated and very rich or simply failures.

I suppose that I always knew I wouldn't be rich. For one thing, I didn't come from a wealthy family (which obviously helps) and for another, I wondered whether I would ever be good enough to get the kind of job that attached itself to a high salary.

To many of my said peers, it didn't seem to matter what they were, so as much as what they would become, which is understandable.

It was always a given that I would go to university, even if this vision for me was more of a mirage that actually the cold truth of fact. I didn't particularly have an interest to go to Yeshiva (Jewish Seminary), although most of my friends did indeed do so.

What wasn't ever discussed by either my teachers or friends was the aspiration to become someone of worth, without a single penny being considered. I don't ever remember being told by either my peers or teachers that the ultimate gift we could bestow on the world we lived in was by becoming menschen - decent human beings.

Now I'm not saying that any of us didn't believe that this was possible. I don't suppose you really think of things like that when you're 14. The attraction of mammon is just too addictive and overwhelming to be shoved aside by something as petty as decency, but I do wonder, after how many years of toil, how close any of use has come to that goal.

The first thing to state is that no-one can categorically state that they are a mensch. It is up to others to believe this of a person. Yes, we can aspire to attain this lofty status, but at the end of the day, how do we know if we've done enough. How many good deeds in the Bank of Life get us onto the mensch scale? If we behave in a way that is unbecoming, does that destroy all our attempts at menschkeit?

These questions are the unfathomables. I honestly don't know the answer to any of them.
What I do recognise though is my inner desire to be a mensch - not so much recognised as one, because I'm not after the kudos, but to do the very best I can to treat people in a decent and fair manner.

Speak to my wife and she'll probably disagree with me. Do the same with my children and friends and maybe even parents (and know I'm not trying to get any compliments if you're reading this), but notwithstanding all of their opinions, I'm still on that path.

I didn't make it in the money stakes. Became a teacher. Deal with as much stress as a stockbroker for a quarter of the pay. Come home and do even more work, all of it unpaid. End up being abused by obnoxious teenagers (not all, but a fair few) and teachers who should really know better (no names). It's very far from the chocolate waters of the Garden of Eden.

But something within me keeps on driving me on. I feel that I've changed more as a person in the last six months than in the four hundred and ninety two that preceded them (blimey, I'm four hundred and ninety eight months old - now that's depressing). For the first time in my life, I've made a conscious effort to work on myself, not only physically but much deeper inside my corps.

If you ask those around me, I hope they will see the difference. I am less prone to get angry and much calmer within myself. I am in no doubt that the fact I exercise on a daily basis has a lot to do with it, because I feel so much better within. It didn't hurt that I also got the job I'd been wanting to get for five years back in January.

But at the heart of it, I feel that I'm doing more to bring myself closer to the role that G-d placed me on this earth to perform (because at the end of the day, I credit everything I am and have become to Him) - I am finally becoming me, the person I always wanted to be, but have only just discovered, just as I hit my forty first and-a-half birthday.

New Endings, New Beginnings

2009-05-31T22:40:00.002+01:00

I've just finished watching the last episode of ER. I can't think of many series that I've followed from the very first to last show, particularly over a period of some fifteen years. ER has always held a special place in my heart, not least because I saw the characters grow through the years, leave the hospital, in some cases even die off - but I knew that come January, my Monday/Tuesday/ Wednesday/Thursday (delete the appropriate night because Channel 4 kept on changing its mind) would be taken henceforth until the summer rays lit up firstly my parental home, then our first abode and finally the home in which I sit writing this up.

Back in 1994, whenever the new medical drama called ER was first televised throughout the British Isles, I had recently completed my undergraduate degree. My MA hadn't been started and I really didn't have a clue about what I was going to end up doing or indeed, being.

Life as a single man was interesting to say the least. Not many of my friends had married and we were still enjoying our salad days as though they could never end. Throughout the years, as my life progressed, I watched the programme on numerous TVs, in numerous locations at numerous times. The babies came and grew and ER returned, like a faithful friend in January.

My life took its usual twists and turns, jobs came and went, dreams were born and shattered and then re-configured, but ER rolled on.

Until tonight.

Tomorrow, I will be going back to school after a week off. I'm very aware that this is my final term in the current job and before I blink, the summer holidays will be upon us, not too long before another school term beckons.

I wonder how I'll feel when Xmas is over and January re-appears. Will the fifteen years I spent settling down to enjoy my weekly rush of phantasmagorical blood be remembered or cast aside for a new televisual experience?

It may only be a TV programme, but sometimes, there is so much more that attaches itself to the sixty minute memory one has of a weekly show. Times pass, times change, but maybe that rare visual feast affects us more than we care to admit.

Adieu ER.

Fun Fun Fun

2009-05-26T06:26:00.002+01:00

Many people have different ways of celebrating the arrival of spring and then summer. Some gingerly remove the clasps on their convertible roofs and push the lever that liberates their car from it's winter hibernation. Others choose to mark the occasion by freezing their bodies in early morning swims in Hyde Park's Serpantine lake.

I take a different tact. I slip one band's music into my car stereo and as I'm listening to the Beach Boys' "All Summer Long" CD, I know that the wonderful season we all crave for can't be that far away.

Let's talk about the last two days, because in the parlance of the Boys, they have indeed been filled with a lot of fun.

On Sunday, my parents and I (Dana was unfortunately unable to join us) took the girls to Regents Park, a location that holds many fond childhood memories. The experience that I wished to share with them was that of boating on the lake. After waiting in line for a tad too long, we finally got into our row boat - we could have gone for the paddlers, but believe me, it's half as much fun - and set off across the lake.

When I say "set off", maybe I am being a little too generous. I tried, Lord I tried, to do the rowing, but with four very willful young ladies in tow, I didn't stand much of a chance. In my naivete, I offered to teach them how to row. Not a great idea, because I was soon thrown to the back of the boat, whilst my wonderful daughters took it in turn to steer the boat, mostly in a 360 degree formation, around the same part of the lake.

As we turned round and round (and round), I finally managed to overpower the mutineers (whatever you do, don't call me Bligh) and regain control of the boat. This lasted until the second successful attempt by the girls to replace me and I only finally managed to make my way back to the oars, as we were about to head for the shore. The girls had one thing in mind, a goal that I was not keen to achieve - to tip the boat over and swim to shore, hence their menacing attempts to sit on the same side and give me a damn hard time trying to balance the boat.

I'm happy to say that I managed to get us back, without any "man/overboards" to blot out the glory of the adventure.

Yesterday, I think we even managed to top the fun by taking the girls (this time, we all went as a family unit) to the magical Cadbury World attraction in Birmingham.

This has been Dana's idea and I'd booked in advance, so I knew that we had to get there by a certain time, which we did, although not with as wide a time margin as I had hoped. The attraction was great. The people there gave us free chocolate samples as though they were going out of style. The highlights were numerous but for me the splendifirous experience of having chocolate wafting through my nostrils as I walked around the factory section is I think the closest I've ever reached to heaven. I've never been high, but I think this is what it must feel like!

The day was a couple of notches from being perfect. I therefore knew that something had to go wrong and indeed it did on the way home. I tried my best to drive us out of Birmingham but a nagging sensation inside me felt the need to show the girls the infamous Spaghetti Junction. You know that they say you should never wish to much for something because you just might get it....well, let's put it this way, we did find ourselves on the notorious monstrosity and I'd gone to heaven a few hours earlier, this was surely an earthly incarnation of hell.

After numerous attempts to get back on the straight and narrow (road to London), I finally got us there and the dreaded Bank Holiday traffic that could have been, wasn't too bad. We arrived home, tired yet exhilarated - it had been a wonderful day.

Fun fun fun?
You betcha.

Justice At Last?

2009-05-13T06:44:00.002+01:00

I have vivid memories of Pesach 1987.

As usual, our family was staying in the Grand Beach Hotel in Tel Aviv, enjoying the luxuries being offered to us by the then manager, a very amenable chap called Benny who had befriended my parents.

My dad bought the Jerusalem Post every day and I read the biggest news in Israel at that time - the ongoing trial of John Demjanjuk, under charges that he was Ivan the Terrible, a notorious SS guard who had committed the most indescribable savage atrocities at the Treblinka Concentration Camp between 1942 and 43. I'm not exaggerating that Israel was gripped by the events. This being before the onset of the first Intifada that December. It was without a doubt, the biggest news story of the day.

This was the closest experience I could have of an Eichmann type trial, seeing that I hadn't been born when the former took place. I read the reports, watched the TV footage of the proceedings and continued to follow events when I got back to London and in fact returned to Israel that Summer.

The way it was played out, although the evidence was compelling, there was a lingering doubt that Israel had got the right man. Eichmann never denied what he had done, whilst this man feigned innocence admitting that yes, he had been a guard at a camp, but he was not the notorious Ivan.

The case dragged on and eventually, Demjanjuk was found guilty and sentenced death. Fait accomplit.

Except that it wasn't.

In 1993, Israel's Supreme Court overturned the decision, citing "reasonable doubt" that he was indeed the said butcher.

Like many others, I was angered by the decision, but it hindsight, I am extraordinarily proud of the Israeli legal system, which once again proved that we Jews have an incredible innate sense of justice, despite the scurrilous views of our enemies.

Demjanjuk returned to America, had his US citizenship reinstated and looked forward to spending the rest of his miserable life in Seven Hills, Ohio.

Justice though works in mysterious ways, because soon after his return, a new case was opened against him, levelling charges about his activities at the Sobibor Camp. Not under the name of Ivan The Terrible, but as "John Demjanjuk"

The wheels of justice work slowly, but Divine Providence insured that he lived long enough to find himself in German custody yesterday, accused of war crimes.

Yes, I did feel a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. Maybe after all these years of troubled existence, this man will finally get his just desserts. He might be the last war criminal to be tried, but, for the victims of the Shoah, particularly in light of the despicable comments of Ahmedinjad and his ilk, this trial could not come too soon.

Could it be that the good Lord above helped to postpone events, so that the true nature of what this man did would come to light, exactly at the same time as Ahmedinejad was peddling his Holocaust denials?

I can't presume to know what G-d is up to, but whatever the outcome, the world's media will be focusing once more on remembering the events that went on during the Holocaust, which is never a bad thing.

First Celebrity Flu Fatality

2009-05-12T17:59:00.001+01:00

I wonder who he got it from?

Shock Horror - I's Still At It!

2009-05-05T05:24:00.003+01:00

I know myself.

There are certain things that I can guarantee I will always do, day after day after day.Exercising is not one of them.

Well, that's not quite true - or doesn't seem to three-and-a-half months on.

Do you remember that post I wrote back in January, telling you all about the fitness regime that I was undertaking in the humble surroundings of my living room? You can read the original post here.

That was back in January and to my surprise, I'm still doing it, quite a few months on.

So what's my secret?

It's twofold.

a) I've incorporated it into my "getting up" routine as I like to name it. I wake up, look at the alarm clock, do a few other morning things (which I won't go into here!) and make my way down to the darkened living room. I then lay a blanket on the parquet floor and use it as my exercise mat. Every day. Like clockwork. In the dark. This is augmented by a Rocky-style regime of three steps up and down the staircase, carried out fifty times daily.

b) I've discovered the results of my endeavours. I feel absolutely fantastic (once my heartbeat has calmed down). I can now do things that I thought would forever be alien to me - like walking at a brisk pace without clutching my legs/side/heart.

Now before you start wondering if I've become a little too self-obsessed with my physique, let me reassure you that I am not turning into Orpheus quite yet. I just want to share with you the notion of feeling good inside.

The results of the exercises have also mysteriously given me more self-confidence. I promise you that when you feel good inside, it manifests in the way that you treat others. I find that I am far less stressed - although you wouldn't believe it if you saw me during the last few weeks, granted the pressure I am under as a teacher - and more able to deal with the little matters that might ordinarily niggle me more.

OK. I'm going to stop, because I'm beginning to sound like an irritating convert-to-the-latest-cause. However, if you do want to know what my secret is, please email me on denton.farmer@gmail.com and I'll provide you with all the details.

One note of caution though, please don't undertake the regime without the proper medical advice from your doctor.

A Birthday Message For The 61 Year Old

2009-04-29T18:13:00.003+01:00

My beloved is celebrating her 61st birthday today. As she enters her 60's, one step closer to hitting three figures, she basks in the glory of the years that have passed her along the way.

It hasn't been an easy journey, reaching this 61st anniversary.

She has borne many tragedies on her rocky path, but she's still climbing up the mountain, braving the storms, thunder and lightning and overcoming all the obstacles that are hurtled at her on a daily basis.

Throughout her 61 years, she has been beaten, battered and bruised, but her friends - her real friends - have been there with her, every step of the way. We, her companions, admirers and devotees know that, despite the harm we may cause ourselves by allying ourselves so selflessly with her cause, it's worth it and always will be.

On this special day, the anniversary of your "modern" birth, we salute you and continue to thank G-d for the fact that you are still here and still breathing, emitting a heartbeat that is heard around the world.

We will never abandon you, through thick and thin because you are nothing less than the blood that flows through our veins.

Happy birthday dearest, dearest friend.

Yom Huledet sameach, my 61 year old - 5000 year old companion.

Yehi Zichram Baruch (May Their Memories Be Blessed)

2009-04-27T23:04:00.004+01:00

"A total of 22,570 men and women have been killed defending the land of Israel since 1860, the year that the first Jewish settlers left the secure walls of Jerusalem to build new Jewish neighborhoods.

In the past year, since Remembrance Day 2008, 133 members of the security forces - police, IDF, Border Police, Israel Security Agency and other organizations - have been killed in the service of the state. The last soldier to have died in the line of duty was Capt. Yehonatan Netanel, a deputy company commander in the Paratroopers Brigade, who was killed during Operation Cast Lead in the Gaza Strip in January."

This quote can be found on the Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs website.

I find it upsetting for many different reasons, not least because it highlights the lie perpetrated by both the Arabs and the media that all the Jews and Arabs who have died defending the land, did so within the last 61 years of Israel's existence. In fact, a fair number had been killed by the time 1948 rolled in, 88 years after the very first returnee to the sacred land laid down his life, simply for being a Jew who wanted to live in the ancient homeland.

It makes a mockery of the claim that the establishment State of Israel is the reason for the Arabs sanguine lust of Jewish blood. In 1929, whilst the world was unaware of the impending Wall Street crash, these same Arabs massacred the ancient community of Hebron - 19 years before 1948.

Tonight is the commencement of Yom Hazikaron, the annual memorial day for the boys and girls who fell defending our land, before 1948, during 1948 and ever since.

Yet, 22,570 lost souls have not convinced us to leave our land. Six million Jews have not convinced us all to give up and assimilate, though tragically many have and still, after 149 years, the Arabs can't get the message. Ahmedinejad doesn't understand that he can talk the talk, ape Hitler's speeches and sway many a naive state (and Obama isn't scoring too high on my cards either) but he's dealing with a proud, stubborn and resolute nation, who doesn't believe in giving up - irrespective of the sacrifice we have to endure.

And we recite the names, remember the faces, shed the tears but know, in our inner hearts that, as Hannah Szenes wrote:

"My God, My God

May these things never end:
The sand and the sea

The rustle of the water
The lightning in the sky

Man's prayer"

Man's prayer never ends, just like the forces of nature that are marshaled by our G-d.

Our prayer for peace - Oseh Shalom - accompanied us through the millennial exile - and is still the beat that fires us to continue on our journey as Jews every single day.

22,570 men and women have passed, but millions live on. In Israel. In the Diaspora. 149 years later, two millenia after we left Jerusalem, we are back in our holy land because that's the way the good Lord wants it and one hundred Ahmedinejad's can't do a damn thing to budge us, nuclear weapons or not.

Yehi Zichram Baruch.
May their memories be (forever) blessed.

Let's hope the number stays the same next year.
Never again.

A Refreshing Viewpoint

2009-04-23T07:17:00.002+01:00

I have come to the conclusion that often, our Arab cousins have a much better understanding and appreciation of our position than our so called "friends" in the West.

This is no more powerfully demonstrated then when reading the following excerpt from MEMRI (Middle East Media Research Institute) which you can also access here.

In an article posted April 21, 2009 on the liberal Arab website www.elaph.com, reformist writer Basem Muhammad Habib condemns the Holocaust denial in the Arab world. He states that this trend, which is unreasonable and inhumane, is motivated by political agendas, and by a false belief that empathy for the victims of the Holocaust amounts to a betrayal of the Palestinian cause. He calls on the Arabs to separate these two issues, and to join the world in commemorating the Holocaust, for it was an attack on the very essence of humanity.

Following are excerpts:

There Is No Connection at All Between the Reality of the Holocaust and What Has Happened in Palestine

"These days, the world is commemorating the Holocaust, because it was one of the biggest massacres in history, which surpassed other massacres in its barbarity, even those committed by primitive civilizations. Abundant [evidence] indicates that more than six million Jews were killed during the 1930s and 1940s, having been accused by the Nazi authorities of conspiring with the Allies, of causing the Germany's defeat in World War I, and of cooperating with the efforts of its enemies in World War II. This racist thinking fed the feelings of hatred towards the Jews, and led to this horrible massacre, whose wounds are still tormenting the world even decades later.

"Though this horrible event has become part of history, and cannot possibly be denied, there are nevertheless some who insist on denying it and on questioning [the validity of] the numbers, out of motivations that are mostly political. [This is true] especially in our region, which is steeped in [psychological] complexes and feelings of resentment. Many [in our region] attempt to link the Holocaust and the issue of Palestine, believing that to recognize and commemorate the Holocaust is to betray the Palestinian cause. This approach raises questions about the soundness of the ideologies that dominate our attitudes and feelings – ideologies that are clearly not anchored in sound logic, and are not at all consistent with our human values. Thus, we unwittingly turn our backs on the proper human attitude, just because our feelings of hatred get the better of us.

"There is no connection at all between the reality of the Holocaust and what has happened in Palestine. These are two different matters that [occurred in different] times and places, and we can assess each of them independently of the other. [Only] then... will our judgment be free and grounded in correct values and sincere sentiments.

"Instead of doubting [the historicity of the Holocaust], we should admire the Jewish political leaders for the interest they show in the Jewish [Holocaust] victims and for their constant remembrance of those atrocities. They dedicate much effort to honoring their memory, documenting their trials, and fighting for [the survivors'] rights, wherever they are. This is something we hardly ever see in our region, where people are killed for the most trivial reasons, and their suffering and pain are quickly forgotten. In Iraq, for example, hundreds of thousands were killed [under Saddam Hussein's] reign of terror and tyranny, yet we have never heard of any attempt to commemorate these victims, nor have we seen any concern for their lost rights...

"Today, the world has become free of [fascist] ideologies, and the reign of reason is expanding. Even Germany, which witnessed this criminal massacre, has acknowledged this catastrophe, and has begun to atone for it in various ways, [for example] by providing annual economic support to Israel. The U.N., for its part, has issued a resolution designating January 27 as [International] Holocaust Remembrance Day... This date was chosen in honor of the few survivors who were discovered in Auschwitz by the Allies [when they liberated the camp on January 27,] 1945 – [survivors] who were among the few who experienced the horror [of the Holocaust] and lived to tell the tale."

Holocaust Denial Usually Stems Not from Scholarly Motivations, But from Political Ones

"Because of the doubts raised by many [people about the Holocaust], some countries have been forced to issue laws that criminalize any attempt to doubt or deny this event – for the casting of doubt does not usually stem from scholarly motivations but [comes to serve] political and ideological goals... Some regard such laws as undemocratic, and as indicating a pro-Israel bias. However, the truth is that [these laws] came in response to a wave of irrational doubt, promoted by certain parties under the guise of scientific inquiry.

"The Holocaust deserves to be [recognized as] a momentous world event, because it targeted [the very essence of] our humanity. At the time, there was no Jewish state and most of those who suffered this injustice lived in Europe in small diaspora communities.

"We [Arabs] should feel empathy for the victims of the Holocaust and commemorate them, as do others [throughout the world]. Certainly, our participation in commemorating this event will help our international position and change the way people regard us. Perhaps we will be able to improve our image in the eyes of the world and reverse some of the damage that the terrorists have done."

Depressing Times

2009-04-22T18:41:00.006+01:00

I've been digesting the news from around the world for a few weeks and deliberately held back from spewing out the anger that I feel about the injustice that is being purveyed against the State of Israel. I was busy teaching my students instead of doing the following:

I didn't get up there at anti-racism conference in Geneva and deliver a vile, racist and rancid rant, on the eve of Yom Hashoah, Israel and the Jewish world's annual remembrance of the Holocaust.

I didn't pretend to be a friend of Israel, whilst at the same time encouraging a boycott of good coming out of the country (the Labour Government obviously needs to occupy its mind with other things when its not busy sending out dodgy emails or charging us for porn movie rentals)

I didn't spend £20,000 sending a bunch of MP's to a conference where the keynote speaker was a member of the Hezbollah terrorist organisation.

I didn't set up a special line to advise anti-Israel boycotters of what products were produced in the West Bank by both Palestinians and Israelis (Every little bit helps whom, Tesco?)

I didn't act like a total hypocrite by conducting a highly suspect war in Iraq, whilst in the same rancid breath daring to brand Israeli generals "war criminals" for engaging in a battle to protect women and children from constant Kassam attacks.

I didn't do any of these.

I did however applaud when a few dozen individuals walked out on Ahmedinejad mid-rant. This fleeting moment of satisfaction reminded me that not everyone out there is hell-bent on scapegoating Israel and by extension, the Jews for every malady in this putrid planet that we call Earth.

I also prayed that the same people who are carrying out all of the above feel exactly the same way about the appalling Chinese behaviour towards the people of Tibet, the disgraceful forty five year old boycott of Cuba by America, the genocide that is going on in Darfur, the discrimination against the Bahai in Iran and so forth.

I'm writing about this, because I don't recall that shmock of an Iranian mentioning it at the anti-racist conference. Then, again, he was probably too busy denying the Holocaust to actually say anything of real worth.

I am also saving my last laugh for Gordon Brown and his cronies - because next year, indirectly, his antipathy towards Israel will cost him and them their jobs. My only hope is that this nasty and pernicious man gives Israel a fleeting thought as he steps out of his beloved No 10 for the very final time.

When you mess with the Jews, you always end up losing - just ask Ken Livingston, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Arafat and Nasser what happened to them after they started a fight with our people.

We never forget a friend.

We also never forget those who took us on - and lost.

Centraal Station Antwerpen

2009-04-19T08:03:00.001+01:00

This is great!

Iran mulls death penalty for offensive blogs

2009-04-18T23:56:00.002+01:00

As a blogger, I pride myself on the fact that I can write about anything that tickles my fancy. I guess it's lucky that I'm not living in Iran right now.

That said, I wonder whether this will go through.

Cool Facts about Israel

2009-04-14T08:15:00.001+01:00

Stay Calm Calm Calm

2009-04-12T20:24:00.003+01:00

How do I start to describe what's happened since I last posted? What can I write to convey the emotions that have buried themselves inside my biological frame? Should I try?

I'm finding life quite difficult right now. I feel that I am at a crossroad, yet, at the same time unable to see the signpost.

In one direction,there is the glimmer of a new job on the horizon. I know it's there and I'm excited to jump right in and get cracking. The problem is that the post is across a very long and busy carriageway called the Summer Term.

In a week's time, I'm going back to school and frankly, I'm dreading it. The next month promises to be one long pressure pad, from the moment I walk into the school building, until the second my Year 11's walk out at the end of their GCSE's. The pressure I will be under will be almost unbearable and soul destroying - two months of it.

Life at home is going to suffer as I will come home tired, harried and irritable. I'll try not to take it out on the wife and kids, but things being what they are, I won't be able to stop myself from snapping. In turn, the tension at home will ratchet up as they berate me for my behaviour. I'll then turn into myself and go to work angry, frustrated and stressed.

Summer term.

And all the while, the sweet promise of September might be the only thing that keeps me going. I know that when it all got a little too much at the end of last term, I used knowledge that I'm leaving as an emotional crutch, on which to hang my hopes.

Pesach is still ongoing and I'm letting it lull me into a phantom sense of security. I've decided that until the festival is over, I won't be doing any school work, knowing that, from Friday, I will no longer have this excuse.

Maybe I should just enjoy these few days and see them as the calm before the storm. I suppose it's the only way I can really prepare myself for Monday morning.

The Knesset Election

2009-03-27T05:59:00.000Z

Teacher: Good morning. Your parents. . . invited me today. . . to give you a
private lesson in Israeli . . .        citizenship.

Pupil: Yeah, we made Aliah from Vancouver last month and I 'm missing a lot of material in the Ezrahoot ('citizenship') course, though I did try to follow the news before we came.

Teacher: Not to worry. Today we'll talk about, 'how the Israeli electoral system works."

Pupil:       That's great. I'm really confused by what I read in the papers and blogs.

Teacher: Let's start with the results of last week's . . . elections.

Pupil:     OK. Who got the most votes?

Teacher: Tsipi Livni, head of the Kadima (=forward) party, with 28 seats.

Pupil:       So Ms. Livni won, right?

Teacher: No, she lost. It doesn't look like she'll be able to get enough partners to form a majority government.

Pupil:      What about Bibi Netanyahu?

Teacher: He got 27 seats. As the leader of the right, he may form a coalition of 65 right wing party seats.

Pupil:       Then he won, I guess..

Teacher: No, Avigdor Lieberman ( Israel is Our Home) won.

Pupil:      How many seats did he get?

Teacher: 15.

Pupil:     So how did he win?

Teacher: That's the way politics in Israel works.

Pupil:     It's confusing with three major parties!

Teacher: What, three? Who told you three? There's also the labour party. They once were the largest party in Israel , and ruled for the first 30 years. Today they have 11 seats.

Pupil: Four parties? How do you ever get anyth-

Teacher: Stop interrupting me! Four? Who told you four? There's also Shas:

Pupil:       What's Shas?

Teacher: Ultra orthodox Moroccans. They appeared on the scene some twenty years ago and they have around 12 seats today.
Pupil: How bewildering. What are the main issues that divide the parties?

Teacher: The crucial issue is the 'territories' that Israel gained during the war in 1967. If you believe that these areas are an integral part of Israel and that Jews should continue to live there, you are on the 'right.' If you believe that Israel should withdraw from these territories, or make some kind of compromise, then you are on the 'left.'

Pupil: I read that Bibi supported the retreat from Gaza and the expulsion of   10,000 Jews . His party must be really far left. Right?

Teacher: Right. I mean, no, he 's on the right.   His Licud party has always been right.

Pupil:      What about Lieberman?

Teacher: He says that there's too much power in the hands of rabbis. He wants secular marriage and religious freedom.

Pupil:   So he's the extreme left. Right?

Teacher: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong again!   He's way right. Extreme left is "Meretz". Their slogan is "We won't compromise."

Pupil: That makes them radical right, right?

Teacher: You have snow for brains, I see. Wrong; LEFT! They refuse all compromise , unless, of course, it is with Arabs.   Some of them actually believe that the Jewish state should not exist.

Pupil: I'm getting dizzy. So, all 120 Knesset seats will be taken by these six parties. That's really a lot.

Teacher: You're kidding me, right? What, six? Who told you six? You've forgotten National Religious parties: The Jewish Home party, for Jewish settlement of Judah and Samaria , and the National Union, who are really really absolutely for Jewish settlement of Judah and Samaria . Then there are also ultra orthodox Ashkenazim. Some of them actually believe that the Jewish state should not exist.

Pupil: Like Meretz, correct?

Teacher: Corr- what, are you crazy? Stop blathering and let me finish: There are also three parties exclusively for Arabs.

Pupil: Let me guess: Some of the Arabs   actually believe that the Jewish state should not exist.

Teacher: Now you're catching on.

Pupil: I can't catch on to anything. I've had it! This is too much for me! No country has twelve separate parties!

Teacher: What twelve? Who told you twelve? Where are you going? We've just started. There's the male rights party, so all those divorced men whose wives got custody can take their kids out of the house. There's the pensioner's party, to help the elderly get more often out of the house. There's the handicapped party, who want to get out of the house and have a place to go, and there's For the Kids' Sake, which is trying to put kids taken out of their non functional households back into the house. Of course you can't overlook "Hadash."

Pupil: (glazed eyes): That means 'new.'

Teacher: Very good. They want a new system: Communism.

Then we have 'The Strong Israel party. They promise to fight organized crime. Unfortunately, Kadima is organized crime.   There's also Tsomet--

Pupil: STOP! STOP!

Teacher: Very good. Stop for the Tsomet party. The name means 'intersection.'

Pupil: NO! STOP STOP!! I can't take any more.

Teacher: You must listen! What about 'Leader?' -- to curb the monopoly of the banks?

The 'Light' Party? The 'Responsibility Party?' the 'Noodleman Renewal Russian Party?'

Pupil: (writhing on floor): No, this cannot be real. Make it stop!

Teacher: The Green Party to save the environment.

Pupil: ( weaker) Nooooooooooooooooo.

Teacher: The Leftist Religious Green Party, who are in favor of territorial compromise as long as we first separate the territory into glass, plastic and organic.

Pupil: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Teacher: The Green Leaf party fighting to legalize cannabis.

Pupil: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Teacher: And most important, The Green Leaf Senior/ Holocaust Survivor Merger Party, who will fight for the right to smoke their old cannabis and get more reparations at the same time.

Pupil: ( is now lying motionless on the floor).

Teacher: What's the matter with him. We've only gone through the first 28!

Twenty-eight? Who told you twenty-eight! Hey, get up! There's a lot more to do!

. . .            . . .              . . .        (sighs). . .What do you expect a Canadian kid to know about democracy!

Note: The above is based on a true political system. In the Israeli elections held on Feb 10, there were THIRTY SEVEN separate lists! While the above sketch is not conclusive, not one party mentioned above is made up; no matter how much they look it.

Worthwhile?

2009-03-23T05:02:00.003Z

Over the last few days, we have been regaled by the deaths of two very well known individuals, both in tragic circumstances.

Natasha Richardson, in all honesty, should have been waking up today, looking at the blue sky and hugging her two teenage children. Jade Goody, at 27 years of age, would of course do exactly the same. Instead, they are both looking down longingly on their lovers and offspring, wondering why life has dealt them such a cruel blow.

I'm not one of these people who buys into the "celebrity" circus. I do admit to getting starry eyed when I see a famous person, which isn't something I'm that used to doing - but I refuse to buy into the vapid and in my opinion time-wasting experience that is all the rage these days.

I did watch a couple of episodes of Big Brother but soon became bored with the whole concept. The only show I do follow religiously is The Apprentice and only because I see it as a fascinating insight into the way professional people work (or most of the time don't) as a group. There is also no better TV than watching Alan Sugar lose it with one of the contestants in the boardroom.

That's where, in my particular life, reality TV ends.

Natasha Richardson was a beautiful young woman with everything to live for. Then again, so is Joanne Smith or Mandy Jones. Whom, you may ask? I don't know but maybe somewhere in the world, one of them died after hitting their head on compacted snow.

At the same time that Natasha Richardson died, many many other people also bid farewell to their time on earth. We remember Natasha because she was famous, but it doesn't make her death any more important than anyone else's.

As crass as this sounds and I don't mean to insult anyone, I would like Natasha and Jade's deaths to mean more to me than they do. The way I can do this is wonder if something worthwhile can come out of the tragedies. You can probably see where I am going with this.

Natasha Richardson, aged 45 died as a result of hitting her uncovered head on a hard surface. I was therefore heartened to note yesterday that as a result of what has happened, it is virtually impossible to find ski helmets on sale in the shops that surround ski slopes around the world. They've all gone. Sold. After all, who wants to be the next "Natasha Richardson"?
It seems as though, ironic as it may seem, her death could save other lives.

Jade too has left a lasting legacy in a different way. Young women in their droves are signing up to get smear tests, so that they too can avoid becoming the next "Jade Goody".

Now I'm getting interested. At last, there seems to be something more important than "celebrity deaths" filling the void that so many people seem to feel is existent in their lives. They are looking to these people in a way that has a worthwhile impact (excuse the pun) on their lives.

Maybe Natasha and Jade will be remember for the right reasons.

I suspect that both women would want this to be case, because at the end of the day, all our lives have to mean than just looking good or being super-rich. Both womens' desire to get on with their lives and do the best for their families makes me wonder whether the culture of celebrity is less of their making and more of ours.

Vilified: Telling Lies About Israel

2009-03-18T07:30:00.001Z

Aeronautic Aquatics

2009-03-16T06:38:00.003Z

You know what it's like. You think you've seen everything and then an event occurs, the likes of which you didn't think was possible.

A case in point.

Last night I was putting the kids to bed after a pretty stressful day. As I walked into the living room, I was greeted with the shocking sight of a goldfish lying on the parquet floor, obviously as dead as a dodo.

How the fish (one of two) had managed to get out of its bowl, atop of the piano, was pretty mysterious, but not as shocking as the realisation that it was still alive, despite having been on the floor for an unknown amount of time. Having scooped the poor thing up with the dust pan and brush, ready for the inevitable toilet flushing, I moved quickly to the kitchen and put the poor thing in a bowl of water.

My first worry was that it had lost a fin, but this proved unfounded as the second side fin suddenly reappeared and the goldfish came out of shock.

I changed the water in the fish bowl and put it back in. Soon enough it was swimming around as though nothing had occurred. I sat back on the coach, put a DVD on ("Dreamgirls", which I hadn't seen) and tried to get over my trauma at what had happened.

A short while later, out of the corner of my eye, I could hardly believe what I saw. Goldfish #2 , whose name I don't think we ever got around to declaring, jumped high into the air and landed in exactly the same spot as his/her friend.

I quickly got up, scooped the rather dazed creature in my hands and put it straight back in the water.

Mystery solved.

I went for a trawl (pun intended) on the Internet and to my surprise found out that for some reason or other, goldfish have a tendency to jump out of their water. Whether this is as a result of squabbling, boredom, distaste for their liquid life, a desire to try suicide as an alternative to swimming around all day, I do not know, but it explains why fish tanks should always be covered.

Suddenly, Shira's crime, as a tot seemed rather contrived. We had found a previous inhabitant of the tank dried up on the floor and naturally ascribed his/her fate to the experimenting fingers of a two year old. I'm not saying she didn't take the fish out, but now, her guilt seems a little less certain.

So there you have it. Fish really do fly. I've seen it with my own eyes and the very knowledge has given me just a little more humility.

I guess I don't know as much as I thought I did.

Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag

2009-03-08T18:42:00.004Z

I know that 25th February is probably more recent than it sounds, granted that March started four days later, but I felt that it was time to re-engage my blogging-brain and update this site.

I actually blame my wife who complained that my blog was turning into a repository for other people's articles. She has a point, even though I still maintain that the purpose of this site is to inform, entertain and maybe even get someone thinking, irrespective of who is responsible for the content therein.

Her comment jolted me a little and although I could see her point of view, I decided that I'd take a little break from posting.

So here I am, back and raring to go.

In fact, I've been a little coy with you.

About a month ago, I saw an advertisement in the Jewish Chronicle for a new teaching post in a Jewish secondary school. After a little hesitation, I decided to go for the post, filled in the application form, went for the interview/observation and to my delight, got the job. I will be starting Please G-d in September.

It makes a lot of sense for me to work in Jewish school - even more so now, because I've managed to accumulate four years of really solid teaching experiences in a Gentile environment.

Working in Jewish school will afford me the luxury of being able to take Jewish holidays off without:
a) losing money - I had quite a bit docked for taking off four days of Sukkot/Simchat Torah
b) having to prepare cover lessons for these days and then having to get my classes back on track because kids don't generally work when they have a cover teacher.
c) worrying about how I am going to get around having to leave early on Friday afternoons in the winter-time.

All in all, it will be lovely to celebrate my festivals in an environment that is more familiar to me. I'll have to also deal with annoying Jewish parents (of which I am one too!), so that's not necessarily something I'm looking forward to...but it's part of the package.

That said, I'm very happy in my current school and will be sorry to leave. It is difficult to leave the teachers and kids, but as soon as the new term begins and they get engrossed in their work, I doubt they'll give me a second thought!

So here I am, waiting for Purim to arrive, not looking forward to the Fast of Esther tomorrow, but knowing that something new is awaiting me at the end of the summer.

It's good to be blogging again.

Honoured In Vilna

2009-02-25T18:55:00.004Z

You may recall that I wrote a short blog last year on my return to my grandparents' flat in Antwerp after nearly thirty years.

The article was picked up by Daniel E. Levinson, the editor of a very prestigious website called "The New Vilna Review". He asked me to write a piece about my visit for his site which I duly submitted to him.

I'm very proud to report that the said article can now be found on the site at:
The New Vilna Review.

Whilst you're there, please have a look at the other articles, which represent the very best in contemporary Jewish writing. I am extraordinarily honoured to have a piece I have penned sitting there amongst such an impressive collection of writings. Thank you Daniel.

עידן יניב והקינדרלך - שלום עליכם

2009-02-24T20:01:00.001Z

Fornication

2009-02-23T22:30:00.000Z

One day Benjy comes home from school, goes straight to his
father and asks, "What is fornication, Dad?" He gets the answer
all Jewish fathers give:
"Why don't you ask your mother, Son?"

So Benjy goes into the kitchen and asks his mother,
"What is fornication Mom? Dad said you would know." His mother replies,
"I'm busy right now Benjy, why don't you go and ask your bubbe. She will tell you."

So Benjy goes upstairs to his bubbe's room, knocks on
her door and shouts,
"Please Bubbe, what is fornication? No one here seems to know." Bubbe says, "Come inside tatellah."

She then takes him to her closet, opens the door, takes out a beautiful
full-length pink, beaded evening dress and says, "This, tatellah, is
foranoccasion."

Bibi Netanyahu On Top Form

2009-02-23T22:16:00.002Z

Even those who aren't particularly sympathetic to Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu, could get a good measure of satisfaction from this interview with British Television this week. I guess it can be attributed to Minister Netanyahu's days studying history at Harvard.

The interviewer asked him: "How come so many more Palestinians have been
killed in this conflict than Israelis?" (A nasty question if there ever was
one!)

Netanyahu: "Are you sure that you want to start asking in that direction?"

Interviewer: (Falling into the trap) Why not?

Netanyahu: "Because in World War II more Germans were killed than British and Americans combined, but there is no doubt in anyone's mind that the war was caused by Germany's aggression.

And in response to the German blitz on London, the British wiped out the entire city of Dresden, burning to death more German civilians than the number of people killed in Hiroshima.

Moreover, I could remind you that in 1944, when the R.A.F. tried to bomb the Gestapo Headquarters in Copenhagen, some of the bombs missed their target and fell on a Danish children's hospital, killing 83 little children. Perhaps you have another question?"

Tali Turns Ten

2009-02-22T20:32:00.003Z

Tali, I can't quite believe that in about half an hour, it will be the tenth anniversary of your first breath of the world you are now inhabiting.

Where have those years gone?
Where is the little girl I carried?

You are the one visual proof that exists of my ability to father children. If I were to vanish tomorrow, everyone would still know that you are my daughter, because you carry my face on yours.

Ten years Tali. Ten years and what an interesting time it's been. How have you managed to come into the world as though you'd never been anywhere else and stamped your indelible presence on it? How did you do it? How come the world hasn't quite caught up with you? What is it that ticks inside of you?

How many other children would get up there in front of everybody and play the piano at a school talent show - without knowing how to play that very instrument?

How many ten year olds would choose a lava lamp and radio as their birthday present?

How many ten year olds would look at the world through the same lens as you and come out with the kind of classic gems that you seem to utter as though they were part of the vernacular?

You are so refreshingly unique that I sometimes wonder what percentage of you I fully understand.

Tali, you've reached the grand old age of 10. Please continue being you without compromising your amazing character at the expense of trying to fit in with everyone else. You're a very very special little girl and your daddy sometimes stands in awe at having had any part in your make up. The face might be mine (so to speak), but you, my dearest, dearest Talia, are very much a person unto yourself.

Happy tenth birthday, Tal.
From your daddy who loves you so so much (and understands you so so little!)

Hasta Lavista Dickie

2009-02-20T07:17:00.003Z

Argentina is kicking out Richard Williamson, the shmuck of a bishop who denies the Holocaust took place. Maybe Iran or Syria would like to take him in, I'm sure that he'd be a popular draw for the multitude of radical Arabs who buy his crap by the bucketload.

I have an even better idea. Let Hamas take him into Gaza, so Israel can include him on their next round of targeted assassinations. He could then try explaining his pathetic ideas to the six million souls waiting to rip him apart when he goes upstairs....or in his case,whilst making his way back to the Netherworlds.

Letting Others Say It For Me

2009-02-19T07:51:00.002Z

Over the last few months, you will have no doubt noticed that I have used this blog to republish articles by a number of notable writers/journalists. The point of doing this is not to appear lazy, but to give more space to others whom I believe can express my feelings in a more professional or subtle way that I could ever aspire to do. I am but a simple writer who does not pen articles for a living, unlike the venerable individuals whom I wish to promote on this site.

In this spirit, I present a superb little piece by the incomparable Alan Dershowitz, which you can find here.

Put Hamas, Not Israel, on Trial
By Alan M. Dershowitz

For the Criminal Court to work, the worst must come first.

There are efforts now under way to try to bring Israel before the International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague on charges of alleged war crimes. Neither Israel nor the United States has signed on to this court, primarily out of fear that its power would be used against democracies that try their best to avoid war crimes, rather than against dictatorships and terrorist nations that routinely engage in them. This has certainly been the experience with many United Nations organizations, even including the International Court of Justice, which is largely a sham when it comes to Israel and other democracies under attack.

There has been high hope among some human rights experts that the ICC would be different for two reasons: First and foremost it is not a United Nations court. It was established by the Rome Statute, a treaty adopted in 1998 after years of negotiations, and is largely independent of the United Nations, though not completely so. Cases can be referred to it by the UN Security Council under Article 13(b) of the treaty. The second reason the ICC has encouraged optimism is that the person appointed as the court's Chief Prosecutor, Luis Moreno-Ocompo, has a sterling reputation for objective law enforcement and basic fairness.

The ICC has rightly opened up investigations of genocide in Darfur, Sudan. (It is now under pressure to suspend any prosecution of President Omar al-Bashir). It has not opened investigations with regard to Russia's alleged war crimes in Chechnya and Georgia, where thousands of innocent civilians were killed. Nor has it opened investigations with regard to Pakistan, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, Zimbabwe, the Congo and other places where civilians are routinely targeted as part of military and terrorist campaigns. Nor — to its credit — has it opened an investigation of Great Britain and the United States, whose armed forces have inadvertently caused the deaths of thousands of civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Were it now to open an investigation of Israel, ICC would be violating the cardinal principle that must govern all international prosecutions: namely, that the worst must be prosecuted first. It would also be violating its own rules which mandate that the International Criminal Court will not become a substitute for domestic courts. If there are processes within the State of Israel to consider allegations against the Israel Defense Forces (IDF), then those processes must be allowed to move forward unless Israel is "unwilling or unable genuinely to carry out the investigation or prosecution," according to the Rome Statute. There is no country in the world — literally none — that has a judicial system that is more open to charges against its own government. Not the United States, not Great Britain, and certainly not Russia, Zimbabwe or Pakistan! Moreover, Israel has a completely open and very critical free press, which is constantly exposing Israeli imperfections and editorializing against them.

Third, the IDF has legal teams that must approve of every military action taken by the armed forces. There are obviously close questions, about which reasonable experts can disagree, but there is no country in the world that goes to greater lengths in its efforts to conform its military actions to international law. Listen to retired British Colonel Richard Kemp — a military expert who, based on his experience, concluded that there has been "no time in the history of warfare when an Army has made more efforts to reduce civilian casualties…than [the Israel Defense Forces in Gaza]."

Despite deliberate efforts by Hamas to maximize Palestinian civilian casualties by firing rockets from behind human shields, Israel has succeeded in its efforts to minimize civilian casualties. Hamas has a policy of exaggerating civilian casualties, both by inflating the total number of people killed and by reducing the number of its combatants included in that total. A recent study conducted by the Italian Newspaper Corriere della Sera disputed Hamas figures and put the total number of Palestinians killed, including Hamas terrorists, at less than 600. And this week, the UN withdrew claims made during the war that Israel had shelled a school run in Gaza by the UN Relief and Works Agency.

The same Rome Statute that established the ICC also describes many of Hamas's actions during the war, such as attacking Israeli civilians and using Palestinian civilians as human shields, as war crimes. Any fair investigation by the ICC would have to conclude that Israel's efforts to prevent civilian casualties, while seeking to protect its civilians from Hamas war crimes, rank it at the very top of nations in compliance with the rule of law. It would also conclude that efforts to brand Israel's actions as war crimes are crassly political, based on ideology and not law. If anything, Hamas belongs in the dock, not Israel.

The prosecutor of the ICC must resist pressures — from the United Nations, from radical ideologues and from other biased sources — to apply a double standard to Israel by singling the Jewish state out from among law-abiding democracies for a war crimes investigation. No international court can retain its credibility if it inverts the principle of "the worst first" and instead goes after one of the best as one its first.

I Am A Zionist

2009-02-18T09:28:00.000Z

by Yair Lapid, Israeli Journalist

I am a Zionist.

I believe that the Jewish people established itself in the Land of Israel,
albeit somewhat late. Had it listened to the alarm clock, there would have
been no Holocaust, and my dead grandfather - the one I was named after -
would have been able to dance a last waltz with grandma on the shores of the
Yarkon River.

I am a Zionist.

Hebrew is the language I use to thank the Creator, and also to swear on the
road. The Bible does not only contain my history, but also my geography.
King Saul went to look for mules on what is today Highway 443, Jonah the
Prophet boarded his ship not too far from what is today a Jaffa restaurant,
and the balcony where David peeped on Bathsheba must have been bought by
some oligarch by now.

I am a Zionist.

The first time I saw my son wearing an IDF uniform I burst into tears, I
haven't missed the Independence Day torch-lighting ceremony for 20 years
now, and my television was made in Korea, but I taught it to cheer for our
national soccer team.

I am a Zionist.

I believe in our right for this land. The people who were persecuted for no
reason throughout history have a right to a state of their own plus a free
F-16 from the manufacturer. Every display of anti-Semitism from London to
Mumbai hurts me, yet deep inside I'm thinking that Jews who choose to live
abroad fail to understand something very basic about this world. The State
of Israel was not established so that the anti-Semites will disappear, but
rather, so we can tell them to get lost.

I am a Zionist.

I was fired at in Lebanon, a Katyusha rockets missed me by a few feet in
Kiryat Shmona, missiles landed near my home during the first Gulf War, I was
in Sderot when the Color Red anti-rocket alert system was activated,
terrorists blew themselves up not too far from my parents' house, and my
children stayed in a bomb shelter before they even knew how to pronounce
their own name, clinging to a grandmother who arrived here from Poland to
escape death. Yet nonetheless, I always felt fortunate to be living here,
and I don't really feel good anywhere else.

I am a Zionist.

I think that anyone who lives here should serve in the army, pay taxes, vote
in the elections, and be familiar with the lyrics of at least one Shalom
Hanoch song. I think that the State of Israel is not only a place, it is
also an idea, and I wholeheartedly believe in the three extra commandments
engraved on the wall of the Holocaust museum in Washington: "Thou shalt not
be a victim, thou shalt not be a perpetrator, but above all, thou shalt not
be a bystander."

I am a Zionist.

I already laid down on my back to admire the Sistine Chapel, I bought a
postcard at the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, and I was deeply impressed by
the emerald Buddha at the king's palace in Bangkok. Yet I still believe that
Tel Aviv is more entertaining, the Red Sea is greener, and the Western Wall
Tunnels provide for a much more powerful spiritual experience. It is true
that I'm not objective, but I'm also not objective in respect to my wife and
children.

I am a Zionist.

I am a man of tomorrow but I also live my past. My dynasty includes Moses,
Jesus, Maimonides, Sigmund Freud, Karl Marx, Albert Einstein, Woody Allen,
Bobby Fischer, Bob Dylan, Franz Kafka, Herzl, and Ben-Gurion. I am part of a
tiny persecuted minority that influenced the world more than any other
nation. While others invested their energies in war, we had the sense to
invest in our minds.

I am a Zionist.

I sometimes look around me and become filled with pride, because I live
better than a billion Indians, 1.3 billion Chinese, the entire African
continent, more than 250 million Indonesians, and also better than the
Thais, the Filipinos, the Russians, the Ukrainians, and the entire Muslim
world, with the exception of the Sultan of Brunei. I live in a country under
siege that has no natural resources, yet nonetheless the traffic lights
always work and we have high-speed connection to the Internet.

I am a Zionist.

My Zionism is natural, just like it is natural for me to be a father, a
husband, and a son. People who claim that they, and only they, represent the
"real Zionism" are ridiculous in my view. My Zionism is not measured by the
size of my kippa, by the neighborhood where I live, or by the party I will
be voting for. It was born a long time before me, on a snowy street in the
ghetto in Budapest where my father stood and attempted, in vain, to
understand why the entire world is trying to kill him.

I am a Zionist.

Every time an innocent victim dies, I bow my head because once upon a time I
was an innocent victim. I have no desire or intention to adopt the moral
standards of my enemies. I do not want to be like them. I do not live on my
sword; I merely keep it under my pillow.

I am a Zionist.

I do not only hold on to the rights of our forefathers, but also to the duty
of the sons. The people who established this state lived and worked under
much worse conditions than I have to face, yet nonetheless they did not make
do with mere survival. They also attempted to establish a better, wiser,
more humane, and more moral state here. They were willing to die for this
cause, and I try to live for its sake.

Sixty Four Years Too Late

2009-02-17T08:51:00.001Z

PARIS, France (CNN) -- France bears responsibility for deporting Jews to their deaths in concentration camps during World War II, the country's highest court ruled Monday.

Jews and foreigners are rounded up in Paris in May 1941.

But, the Council of State said, "measures taken since the end of the Second World War have compensated for the damage."

Northern France was directly occupied by Nazi Germany during World War II while the south of the country was ruled by the Vichy government that collaborated with Adolf Hitler.

France's role in the deportation of its Jews was a taboo subject for decades after the war.

The trial of Maurice Papon, a civil servant in the collaborationist Vichy government, for deporting Jews, forced the country to confront its role in the Holocaust.

Papon was convicted in 1998 by a French court for complicity in crimes against humanity for his role in the deportation of 1,590 Jews from the city of Bordeaux.

Most of the deportees later perished at the concentration camp at Auschwitz in modern day Poland. Papon died in February 2007, aged 96, after serving part of his term and then being freed on health grounds.

There were approximately 350,000 Jews in France at the time of the country's defeat by Germany in 1940. At least half of those were refugees who had already fled Germany or countries already under Nazi occupation, according to the Web site of the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.

At least 77,000 Jews were deported to their deaths from French transit camps between 1942 and the end of German occupation in December 1944. Of these, around a third were French citizens and more than 8,000 were children under 13.

(c) CNN 2009

Me circa 2009

2009-02-15T15:08:00.005Z

I'm 41 years old and I still haven't worked out what it is that makes me tick. This much I can tell you about myself:

My heart is in the right place. Sometimes, the right place might be the wrong place, but I hope you know what I mean.

I'm a passionate person. This manifests itself through the views I hold on just about everything and the vile temper that I wish would stay bottled up.

I like people. I find them fascinating, frustrating, divine and deplorable. Without people surrounding me, I am but a shadow of myself. My family is my life, even if I forget it sometimes.

I love kids. Not in any sort of sexual way in case you think I'm some sort of pervert, but in the old fashioned way of loving their presence, ideas and outlook on life. Kids speak so much wisdom and sense and even through the mischief, they are able to express themselves in a way that few adults can. I think we should all remember that we were once a child.

I'm mad about music. Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, Gershwin, Mozart, Klezmer et al. My life revolves around music. To be frank, music has always been my saviour - the friend that never lets me down.

I love being Jewish. I absolutely adore it. My entire life is plugged into the Jewish experience, whatever that is. From the moment I wake up to that last conscious second, I'm a proud, in your face Jew.

Israel exists inside every pore of my being. I can't even come close to describing this feeling.

I have found my perfect profession. Teaching can be a pain in the arse at times, but when it works and when those kids get it - it's magical.

I'm obsessed with computers. I wish I could spend less than 2 hours a day on the Internet, but I think that it's a physical impossibility. My excuse though is that if I don't get to a PC and check my email at least once a day, I have to trawl through 100 the next day. Funnily enough, this philosophy works until Shabbat comes in, at which time I hate the damn machine.

I adore humour. The only people I cannot relate to are those without a sense of humour. I didn't think they existed until I met a few people over the years. If you can't laugh, you won't live. Period.

That's me done for now. I've blogged, let it all out and explained myself.
The problem is that I don't quite know why, because in doing so, I'm no closer to figuring out what it is that really makes me tick.

Ring Ring

2009-02-12T18:53:00.003Z

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**

**'Hi honey.**

**This is Daddy.**

**Is Mommy near the phone?'*

**'No, Daddy.**

**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**

**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**

**Right now.'**

Brief Pause.

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**

**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**

**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**

**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**

**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**

**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**

**And into the swimming pool.**

**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**

**Last week to clean it..**

**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**'Swimming pool? ...........**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number.......*

Israel Decides

2009-02-10T22:41:00.002Z

I've spent the evening creating resources for my Wednesday Year 8 class whilst watching CNN's coverage of the elections.

A few observations:

The staff at CNN really need to get some training in how to pronounce Hebrew names and words. Some of their attempts are truly shocking.

It looks like the right are winning and as a result, the Palestinians they've spoken to are quite pissed off about this. This knowledge alone has brightened up my evening. Every time the Arabs express satisfaction with the results of an Israeli election, I get worried. Watching the pathetic Mustafa Bargouti in New York calling the Israeli public "spoiled" because they've voted for right wing candidates was particularly satisfying.

If that's the best word he can use to describe my people, who are using the democratic process to express their views, then I know that they've made the correct decision. There's nothing quite as wonderful as seeing a Palestinian official admitting that he's screwed.

I heard what Avigdor Liberman had to say and although I don't subscribe entirely to his views, the guy made a lot of sense. He certainly wasn't the "fascist" Bargouti called him. Then again, I'm not representing a people who get a buzz from sending their kids out to blow themselves up and kill people.

What's really great however is hearing Jewish politicians like Netanyahu on CNN talking about our people running our country, making it clear that, despite the world's antagonism towards us, we are voting in our leaders, running our country and speaking Hebrew on international television.

It makes me so damn proud to be a Jew right now.

OUR Chief Of Staff

2009-02-09T18:13:00.002Z

Arutz7 News

IDF Chief of Staff Lt.-Gen. Gabi Ashkenazi paid a visit to the Western Wall on Sunday night to offer prayers of thanksgiving for the miracles and successes in the recent Cast Lead operation in Gaza.

Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, entrusted with rabbinical supervision of the holy sites on behalf of the government, hosted Lt.-Gen. Ashkenazi and took part in the prayers. Afterwards, a festive thanksgiving meal was held in the Hashmonaim Hall, to the left (north) of the uncovered section of the Western Wall. Additional prayers and songs of thanksgiving and praise were recited there.

Lt.-Gen. Ashkenazi also prayed for the speedy return of captive soldier Gilad Shalit, who has been held in Gaza for 2.5 years.

It was noted that many prayers had been recited at the Western Wall by parents, soldiers, and Jews all over during the war, and that the time had now come to express thanks for the successes the offensive had reaped.

Ashkenazi stated that he was there as a representative of all of the soldiers of the IDF, “who fought so well and reached such blessed achievements.” Rabbi Rabinowitz agreed and said he was also a representative of the entire Jewish Nation, “which thanks G-d for His miracles during the war.” The rabbi noted the many expressions of faith expressed by the soldiers during the war.Rabbi Rabinowitz recounted a moving experience from when he met the soldiers of the Haruv Regiment upon their return from Gaza. “They came first to the Western Wall to offer their thanks, even before they returned home," he said. "Their commanders were there as well, proudly waving the banner of faith and Jewish tradition as they thanked G-d for His miracles.”

(c) Arutz Shevah 2009

I Am A War Criminal (And Proud of It)

2009-02-08T12:05:00.003Z

It appears that Lord Ahmed has a problem with British Jews going over to Israel and fighting in the IDF. Apparently, he considers them to be "war criminals". Well, I have a confession to make, I too am a war criminal.

Well, to be more exact, a wannabe war criminal.

Throughout my life, I have wanted to make aliyah - to go to live in Israel. The fact that I haven't (yet) is more a testament to my refusing to leave my immediate family, than any wish to avoid living in Israel.

When I was 17, I was on kibbutz and I called my folks to tell them I wasn't coming home. A telephone battle ensued with my mother which I eventually lost (as usual), because my mother convinced me to go back to the UK and finish off my studies. Not an unreasonable argument, but one that cost me the chance to get to Israel.

Now, zillions of years later, I'm all ready to go but neither my wife or daughters are upstairs packing their bags. If I do make the plunge, I'll be going out there on my own, not the best recipe for someone who has finally found his profession, is progressing very nicely and knows that he has now planted roots in the veddy British soil - then again, that doesn't mean much because if the hostility towards the Jews in this country exacerbates, we might end up in Zion sooner than we bargained for.

So here I am, 41 years old and still pining for the Land.

Things could have been different if I'd stuck to my guns in '87. I might have enlisted in the IDF and....well, probably not achieved much because I would have been assigned a "Jobnik" role - i.e. desk job, granted my status as an only child. But I would have been a soldier in the Israel Defense Forces!

Notwithstanding all of the above, although my physical entity isn't exactly sitting in a troop carrier outside Rafah, my entire soul and thoughts are there with the boys and have been throughout every military escapade. I backed the recent war in Gaza 100% - including, tragically the requirement to the shell civilian areas from which rockets were fired - and I would have no compunction whatsoever to be part of a fighting force entering Gaza to protect my fellow Jews from the rockets. If doing so makes me a "war criminal" in Lord Ahmed's eyes, then so be it.

Were I alive in 1948, I would have been right there working against the British to get Jews into what was then Palestine. I guess, I'd also be a terrorist in his eyes.

My chief concern is to defend my fellow Jews in the land of the Israel, using whatever means possible. If that's Lord Ahmed's understanding of what a "war crime" is, then I suggest that he reads his history books and then makes considered statements that are worthy of his title.

In the opinion of many of us, he is nothing but a titled buffoon who really doesn't know what he's talking about.

Then again, he's is in good company.

Updated Playlist

2009-02-05T06:54:00.003Z

I've updated the Seeqpod playlist that you can find in the right hand column, just below the Babel Fish translation feature. It has a bit of '80s bias (my era), although I've thrown in a few golden oldies to keep things balanced.

If you like to listen to music while you're browsing the site, why don't you head down there and press the play button. I must however warn you that the songs won't exactly match the gravity of some of the articles you will read as you are listening!

Open Letter To The Citizens of Gaza

2009-02-05T06:01:00.003Z

An Open Letter To A Citizen Of Gaza: I Am the Soldier Who Slept In Your Home

By: Yishai G (reserve soldier)

Hello,

While the world watches the ruins in Gaza, you return to your home which remains standing. However, I am sure that it is clear to you that someone was in your home while you were away.

I am that someone.

I spent long hours imagining how you would react when you walked into your home. How you would feel when you understood that IDF soldiers had slept on your mattresses and used your blankets to keep warm.

I knew that it would make you angry and sad and that you would feel this violation of the most intimate areas of your life by those defined as your enemies, with stinging humiliation. I am convinced that you hate me with unbridled hatred, and you do not have even the tiniest desire to hear what I have to say. At the same time, it is important for me to say the following in the hope that there is even the minutest chance that you will hear me.

I spent many days in your home. You and your family’s presence was felt in every corner. I saw your family portraits on the wall, and I thought of my family. I saw your wife’s perfume bottles on the bureau, and I thought of my wife. I saw your children’s toys and their English language schoolbooks. I saw your personal computer and how you set up the modem and wireless phone next to the screen, just as I do.

I wanted you to know that despite the immense disorder you found in your house that was created during a search for explosives and tunnels (which were indeed found in other homes), we did our best to treat your possessions with respect. When I moved the computer table, I disconnected the cables and lay them down neatly on the floor, as I would do with my own computer. I even covered the computer from dust with a piece of cloth. I tried to put back the clothes that fell when we moved the closet although not the same as you would have done, but at least in such a way that nothing would get lost.

I know that the devastation, the bullet holes in your walls and the destruction of those homes near you place my descriptions in a ridiculous light. Still, I need you to understand me, us, and hope that you will channel your anger and criticism to the right places.

I decided to write you this letter specifically because I stayed in your home.

I can surmise that you are intelligent and educated and there are those in your household that are university students. Your children learn English, and you are connected to the Internet. You are not ignorant; you know what is going on around you.

Therefore, I am sure you know that Quassam rockets were launched from your neighborhood into Israeli towns and cities.

How could you see these weekly launches and not think that one day we would say “enough”?! Did you ever consider that it is perhaps wrong to launch rockets at innocent civilians trying to lead a normal life, much like you? How long did you think we would sit back without reacting?

I can hear you saying “it’s not me, it’s Hamas”. My intuition tells me you are not their most avid supporter. If you look closely at the sad reality in which your people live, and you do not try to deceive yourself or make excuses about “occupation”, you must certainly reach the conclusion that the Hamas is your real enemy.

The reality is so simple, even a seven year old can understand: Israel withdrew from the Gaza strip, removing military bases and its citizens from Gush Katif. Nonetheless, we continued to provide you with electricity, water, and goods (and this I know very well as during my reserve duty I guarded the border crossings more than once, and witnessed hundreds of trucks full of goods entering a blockade-free Gaza every day).

Despite all this, for reasons that cannot be understood and with a lack of any rational logic, Hamas launched missiles on Israeli towns. For three years we clenched our teeth and restrained ourselves. In the end, we could not take it anymore and entered the Gaza strip, into your neighborhood, in order to remove those who want to kill us. A reality that is painful but very easy to explain.

As soon as you agree with me that Hamas is your enemy and because of them, your people are miserable, you will also understand that the change must come from within. I am acutely aware of the fact that what I say is easier to write than to do, but I do not see any other way. You, who are connected to the world and concerned about your children’s education, must lead, together with your friends, a civil uprising against Hamas.

I swear to you, that if the citizens of Gaza were busy paving roads, building schools, opening factories and cultural institutions instead of dwelling in self pity, arms smuggling and nurturing a hatred to your Israeli neighbors, your homes would not be in ruins right now. If your leaders were not corrupt and motivated by hatred, your home would not have been harmed. If someone would have stood up and shouted that there is no point in launching missiles on innocent civilians, I would not have to stand in your kitchen as a soldier.

You don’t have money, you tell me? You have more than you can imagine.

Even before Hamas took control of Gaza, during the time of Yasser Arafat, millions if not billions of dollars donated by the world community to the Palestinians was used for purchasing arms or taken directly to your leaders bank accounts. Gulf States, the emirates - your brothers, your flesh and blood, are some of the richest nations in the world. If there was even a small feeling of solidarity between Arab nations, if these nations had but the smallest interest in reconstructing the Palestinian people – your situation would be very different.

You must be familiar with Singapore. The land mass there is not much larger than the Gaza strip, it is considered the second most populated country in the world. Yet, Singapore is a successful, prospering, and well managed country. Why not the same for you?

My friend, I would like to call you by name, but I will not do so publicly. I want you to know that I am 100% at peace with what my country did, what my army did, and what I did. However, I feel your pain. I am sorry for the destruction you are finding in your neighborhood at this moment. On a personal level, I did what I could to minimize the damage to your home as much as possible.

In my opinion, we have a lot more in common than you might imagine. I am a civilian, not a soldier, and in my private life I have nothing to do with the military. However, I have an obligation to leave my home, put on a uniform, and protect my family every time we are attacked. I have no desire to be in your home wearing a uniform again and I would be more than happy to sit with you as a guest on your beautiful balcony, drinking sweet tea seasoned with the sage growing in your garden.

The only person who could make that dream a reality is you. Take responsibility for yourself, your family, your people, and start to take control of your destiny. How? I do not know. Maybe there is something to be learned from the Jewish people who rose up from the most destructive human tragedy of the 20th century, and instead of sinking into self-pity, built a flourishing and prospering country. It is possible, and it is in your hands. I am ready to be there to provide a shoulder of support and help to you.

But only you can move the wheels of history.

Regards,

Yishai (Reserve Soldier)

This letter originally appeared in the Maariv newspaper on 25th January 2009 and can be read at the Israel Project

Scarlett Johansson speaks about her Jewish ancestry

2009-02-03T16:51:00.001Z

Yes Folks, It's A Snow Day

2009-02-02T09:21:00.004Z

The kids' phone call came shortly after 06:00 and mine announced itself about an hour later. It was pretty obvious that the snow wasn't going anywhere and as far as I know, all schools in the vicinity are closed. The traffic person on LBC radio advised us to only go out if we felt like having a 5 hour journey into work.

So here we are. The kids have pretty much drenched theselves in the garden, Dana is watching a DVD and I'm wondering if I'm going to get any lesson preparation done. I look out of the window and huge flurries are whisking past the window as the white blanket on the hedge gets higher and higher.

It's definitely a snow day and none of us are going anywhere for the forseeable future.

New Polls

2009-02-02T06:34:00.002Z

I've updated the polls on this site with some new questions. Please add your vote!

Hugo Chavez - Our Newest And Oldest Foe

2009-02-01T15:23:00.006Z

We Jews have unfortunately become attuned to being at the sharp end of numerous individuals' desires to blame someone for their misfortunes. Even before we got blamed for the Palestinian problem, we were still held responsible for just about every other catastrophe that happened in the world.

Jews are still being blamed by some for the death of Jesus. We were accused of spreading the Black Death in the Middle Ages and every time a child met his untimely death, this had to be as a result of our religious need to drink Christian blood or use the globules to add that special zesty taste to our matzos.

The latest incarnation of Antisemitic hate has just taken place in Venezuela where Hugo Chavez, who previously blamed us for the death of Christ, has decided that Israel, the demon state that it is must be cursed at every opportunity and shock horror, we Jews are less than honourable if we don't share in his psychotic worldview (he is mates with Ahmadinejad which tells you about whom you are dealing with) by condemning the Zionist Entity.

Well, not surprisingly, following their venerable President's lead in attacking the Jewish State (read that as "Jews"), a number of thugs have ransacked a Synagogue in Caracas and brought some very nasty memories back of the kind of damage we've all seen in those photos from Kristallnacht.

It won't be long till the Jewish community of 15,000 follows the example of many others through history and packs their bags, in order to move to less hostile waters. This is a case of history repeating itself once again.

I'm reminded of the comment at the end of Fiddler On The Roof for the reason why Jews always wear their hats. The reason is that (due to Anti Semitism), we don't stay long enough to take them off our heads. I can see that in the case of Venezuela, this is very much the case.

Watch the news, because in a short while, I perceive that the 50% or so of the community who haven't already emigrated will be doing so. This is sadly just another chapter in the ongoing story of the perennial Wandering Jew. Chavez may be using Israel's existence as a stick to beat us with, but we know exactly what that bastard is hoping for - a Judenrein (Jew Free) country.

Hugo, your mate Adolf would be so proud of you.

What Is A Jew?

2009-01-30T07:59:00.002Z

By Rabbi Jeremy Rosen

In the hurly burly of political conflict, abuse is common. Friends fall out and identities are tested. Boundaries of loyalty are stretched and sometimes broken. The current situation in the Middle East is a perfect example of a crisis that tests the strongest of bonds. No Jew of any morality or sensitivity likes to see casualties, innocent or otherwise. Our religion demands that we recognize the suffering even of our enemies. We search around desperately for solutions, for different ways of doing things. We feel helpless bystanders, not always knowing the full story or what other options there are. We are disturbed by seeing hatred, hearing illogical and prejudiced opinions. Propaganda, political posturing, and preconceived positions are the enemy of reasoned debate or possible solutions.

We Jews are divided into a number of camps. At two extremes of the spectrum are Jews who are unreservedly and unquestioningly supporters of whatever Israel does, and those who are implacably opposed to Israel's existence. The middle includes those who are committed to Israel but question its military tactics and policies, those who are committed to Israel's right to self-defence and believe that deterrence is the only option under present circumstances, and all points on the spectrum in between those four positions.

Included in all these positions are religious Jews of every shade and secular Jews of every degree. Both extremes detest each other, yet will admit to being part of the same people, the same culture, and the same ethnos, if not the same religion.

It is an amazing feature of us Jews that from the moment Moses took us out of Egypt, it seems we have not all agreed on anything religious or political. Yet somehow, against the odds, we have survived and kept on coming back from the brink. We have clashed with every major civilization we have encountered. We have conflicted with every major power block at one time or another. I honestly believe our survival is a miracle. I do not believe in proofs of the existence of God (I think that is an oxymoron by definition--how can anything not physical in any way be proved using material methods?), but if ever there were proof, the survival of the Jewish people, a few million facing billions of enemies, must be it!

So what is it that keeps us together and what is it that defines us all? Wherever we are we are the archetypal outsiders. We are there, but we are not completely there. Christianity thought it had replaced us and we were condemned to be the wandering outcast Jew, and we were for a long time. There was no good reason for Judaism to survive, they thought, now that Christianity had replaced the Old Israel with the easier more convenient New. If we did survive it was a reproach, 'stubborn Jewry'. Changing times and ideas forced the Christian world to tolerate us, sometimes even love us, but not really accept us.

Islam, too, thought it had replaced Judaism and by rights we ought not to continue. Mohammad, like Luther after him, initially welcomed us as allies and possible converts but turned against us when we refused the invitation. There were odd dynasties who embraced us, but only so long as we knew our place. Similarly, new nation-states, in their struggle to establish national identities, found no place for Jews, and so 'modern' anti-Semitism added a layer to the old. We just did not belong; even if we were given citizenship, it was with reluctance, either because we were useful or because of external pressure. Even conversion did not help. The Inquisition hunted Marranos, Jews who had converted, more aggressively than Jews who stayed Jewish. The English Prime Minister Disraeli was excoriated as a scheming Jew till the end of his days. The composer Mendelssohn was accused of spreading of corrupt Semitic music. Both men were converts to Christianity.

We were a Marxist danger to Capitalists, Capitalists to Marxists, Westerners to Easterners, and Orientals to Occidentals. And all this, simply because we survived, and we did indeed include all of these within our ranks. Our behavioural religion helped us adapt and we managed to put roots down regardless of the host society's religion or politics. We were indeed the universal scapegoat, the universal oddball, the universal outsider. And that helped us survive, too--the fact that we could take a step back and have a different perspective, the fact that we were always being moved on and had to prove ourselves. The fact that we always had challenges to overcome has made us struggle all the harder. If there is any genetic bonus to being Jewish, it was because we had to survive and Darwin was right. The fittest survive! We have fought consistently above our weight. We have had our share of crooks and saints, of Nobel prize-winners and Ponzi schemers.

In the end there is a common thread, a common unifying factor; it is this sense of belonging to an unwanted and suspect people. With it you are a complex bundle of contradictions always trying to reconcile different values and cultural strengths, but at least if you have a positive religious component this compensates. It gives one a sense of pride and spiritual direction. Those whom we call self-hating Jews are those with nothing to make them feel good about their Jewish identity.

We are hurting at the moment because we feel our alienation for different and conflicting reasons. But it appears that God thinks that sometimes we have to! If one wants to find a common denominator it is that Jews do not entirely fit in anywhere, even amongst Jews. We are archetypal outsiders, even when we think we belong. Most of the world is against us. Some Jews think deservedly so, others do not. But those who hate Jews make no distinction. That is what being a Jew is like.

My 5BX Return To Fitness....And Why I Absolutely Hate Boris

2009-01-29T05:50:00.005Z

When I was a teenager, I remember walking around Foyles bookshop in Central London and finding a most intriguing book. It was called "5BX Plan for Physical Fitness" and was produced by the Canadian Government, not surprising, since it was the fitness programme they followed in the air force.

The book was remarkable in a number of ways. Firstly, each level of fitness was carefully prescribed (as one would expect from the military). It showed a criminally fit man, who had probably been the genetic result of numerous sperm and eggs experiments using fittest athletes on the 1948 Russian Olympic team (the book was published in 1963, so it's possible, he looks about 14) practising the various moves. More importantly, it detailed exactly what exercise you had to do and how long It should take.

My interest having been piqued, I decided to buy the book and see if I could look like Boris (the Russian criminal). I vividly remember getting up each morning for quite a while, working my way through the levels and charts. I have to say that although I didn't get close to changing my name (to B), I did become fitter than I'd been, before or since.

I don't remember why I gave the daily routine up. Maybe it was after getting sick, having to rest and gradually losing the habit. Whatever happened, Boris stayed fit (although he's probably dead by now, having had a heart attack whilst trying to reach level A+ on Chart 5, even though he'd been advised to stay at C- on Chart 3 as he was getting on a bit and they needed his sperm for the next model in a revised version of the book to be published twenty years hence.

I've tried various fitness routines over the years. Everything from looking at the trampoline sitting sadly in the garden whilst munching through a beautifully decorated pizza, to glancing willfully at a gym I used to drive past on the way to school and promising myself I'd join if I ever met Boris. Nothing though has ever tempted me like the 5BX.

You might recall that last year I told you about a trip to the doctor where I found out that both my blood pressure and cholesterol levels were a wee too high. I made the move from the pizza to the trampoline - for a day - and then made my way back to the pizza.

Until yesterday.

I decided to see if I could buy another copy of the book online. I still have my copy in the attic somewhere, but if I tried to look for it, I'd probably get either a heart attack or hernia trying to move the boxes that don't block the minuscule amount of light trying to peek through the clutter - which somewhat defeats the purpose.

Sadly the book is out of print although I could probably get a new copy...until I found that some cheeky fellow (probably Boris himself) had created a PDF of the entire tome and posted it on some website. I know I really shouldn't have done this, but I downloaded it and to my delight (and I have to admit, a touch of horror), found my old friend starting at me brazenly on my screen.

I decided to print Level 1 out again, keeping in mind that this was a copy of a book I'd already bought and although this wouldn't save me in the Court of Law, the survival of my heart, lungs, muscles and blood pressure were more important to me than worrying about whether or not the Canadian Air Force would sue me (then again.....)

Well, two days in and I'm a combination of pain pain pain and just a little pride. Boris, damn him, doesn't look a day older but although I have aged, I can still do the exercises without needing an hour to calm my pulse. Did I mention that Boris is probably dead?

With my nemesis safely out of the way, the only thing that's scaring me right now is whether I will ever be able to progress from the starting level "D-"...

The Pope and The Leopard

2009-01-27T06:19:00.004Z

It is no secret that I used to work in a Church school.

I can't say that I ever felt comfortable going into a church or for that matter, being in an assembly where prayers were recited. I knew that for me personally, Jesus wasn't my saviour and he hadn't died so that I could live. However, the school were employing me (through the Local Authority) and paying for the house I came home to as well as countless other things and therefore, out of respect, I was very careful to keep my opinions of Church related issues to myself.

Over the two years of working at the school, I kept shtum about the hypocrisy of the Church of England preaching peace and at the same time showing a very partisan and one-sided approach to the State of Israel. I didn't say a thing about the new Pope, even though I could see that he wasn't a patch on his predecessor.

I said nothing.

If anything, I tried to instill in the kids the common beliefs that all three monotheistic religions hold so dear to their not too dissimilar hearts.

Two years on and I no longer have to keep my voice still as my current school has a very different philosophy. I look at the current Pope and have no hesitation in stating this man is an imbecile of the highest proportions. It takes an imbecile to destroy in a few years all the work that was achieved over the last four decades. Then again, is the Church just reverting to what it has always been?

You might have read that a few days ago, the Pope decided to re-instate a number of bishops, who had been ex-communicated from the Church thirty or so years ago. One of these is Richard Williamson, a vile excuse for a human being who denies the Holocaust took place, enjoys spouting traditional anti-Semitic crap and holds some very interesting ideas about 9/11 - all of which aren't worth the breath he bothers to expend on them.

Williamson, aged 68 (i.e. he should know better) gave an interview to a Swedish TV (STV) last year snorting:

"I believe there were no gas chambers... I think that 200,000 to 300,000 Jews perished in Nazi concentration camps but none of them by gas chambers,"

"There was not one Jew killed by the gas chambers. It was all lies, lies, lies!"

Ladies and gentleman, this is the man your Pope thinks needs to brought back in the collective of the Church. A man who will get up and preach the word of G-d in the name of the Catholic Church. A man whom certain people will gladly invite over to their houses, because if "he's good enough for the Pope...."

This decision, just like the imbecile who occupies the Vatican at the present moment is disgraceful. Let's not forget his previous contribution to Judeo-Christian understanding, the Catholic Good Friday prayer for the Jews where the Vatican announced that Pope Benedict had revised the so-called “Good Friday Prayer for the Jews” which forms part of the Tridentine Mass and contains the cosy and warming:

“Let us also pray for the Jews: That our God and Lord may illuminate their hearts, that they acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the Savior of all men.”

Yeah, well, to us he ain't no saviour thank you very much.

It took a while for the leopard to show his thinly veiled spots and now that I'm also free to express my mind, I'll gladly exhibit mine too. The difference between us is that whereas I show respect to my fellow human beings, irrespective of their religion, the imbecile is incapable of doing so - as witnessed by his latest pronouncements, which we, the unsaved Jews won't forget, whether or not he withdraws his wish to bring lowlifes like Williamson "back into the fold".

What next?
Will you blame us for the death of Christ?

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day.
What a fitting decision, Mr Ratzinger.

We, The Kick-Ass Jews

2009-01-25T00:35:00.003Z

I come from a generation that wears its Judaism with pride for all to see.

For as long as I can remember, I've made sure that everyone knows I am a Jew. I do this by wearing my Kippah (skullcap), wherever I go (unless I know that doing so would put me in harm's way) irrespective of the kind of comments I am likely to receive from others.

When I started teaching, I made a point of showing off my Hebraic allegiances in a school that was about 70% Muslim - and not an inconsiderable number of students had a real problem with my brethren. I reasoned that if they could go around wearing their religious garb, why the hell should I be precluded from doing so. In showing my affiliation in such a manner, I did get some stick from a number of prejudiced students, which included spitting as I walked past them and hearing the delightful "kill the Jew" comment, but I preserved, precisely because I knew that showing these kids who I was and what nation belonged to, was an important way of demonstrating that I was not going to cower away, just because they had a problem with me, or rather, with my religion.

I think that my attitude comes probably as a result of being the child of a someone who survived the Holocaust. Whereas my mother had to hide her religion, to save her life, I was going to do exactly the opposite and do my bit to redress the shame that some of my ancestors would have felt as they walked the streets, glared at by some of their Gentile neighbours.

To this day, I still get the comments and slights from people who have an issue with Jews and/or Israel. I take it in my stride because I know that I, a Jew, absolutely refuse to be ashamed of either who I am, or of the country about whom I care about more than myself. If people have a problem with me, it is their issue, not mine.

I write all of this on the back of having just seen "Defiance", the film that recalls the exploits (albeit in a Hollywoodized fashion and probably somewhat exaggerated) of the Bielski brothers who fought the Nazis, Russians and just about anyone who was going around trying to exterminate their/our people.

These guys were amazing and I would like to believe that had I been around in 1941, I would have wanted to join them. For once, I saw Jews who refused to accept the decree cast upon them by the Nazis and fought back - knowing full well that they were outnumbered by superior forces who could easily have added their tally to the lists of the dead in Auschwitz, Treblinka and Babi Yar.

They fought back.

In 2008, Israel, having endured thousands of rockets from the spiritual descendants of these savages, also fought back, albeit this time with superior firepower.

In my own humble way, I would like to be remembered as one of the Jews who although he hadn't fired a single shot at anyone, did his own bit to "fight" for his Jews brethren and his beliefs - if only by wearing a Kippah in public and saying, in the parlance of another persecuted nation - "I'm Jewish and I'm proud - anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism are your deficiencies and hangups - not mine".

Yeah, folks, I'm a helluva kick-ass Jew.

Channel 4 - Hamas's Propoganda Tool

2009-01-23T06:33:00.004Z

Over the entire period when the war in Gaza was taking place, I deliberately avoided obtaining my news from the British Media.

On the one occasion that I happened to see the BBC news headlines, when the presenter casually mentioned that "x" number of Palestinians had been killed whilst "x" number of Israelis has also died (as a result of being hit by a Kassam - because people blown by rockets obviously don't get killed, they only die), I knew why I had taken this course of action. That said, CNN wasn't much better, but at least they pretended to care what the Israelis were thinking.

I very stupidly let my defenses slip last night whilst watching Channel 4's particularly mendacious programme named "Unseen Gaza". This vicious documentary was basically an excuse for journalists who had been kept out of Gaza during the war, to get their own back on Israel, by showing the precise reasons for Israel's decision to keep them out in the first place.

What was presented was a one-sided view of the conflict, with not even a nod to providing balance. Whilst watching it (I turned off three quarters of the way through as I'd just about had enough), I wondered if Jon Snow and his trusted interviewee the BBC's Jeremy Bowen (which pretty much gives you an idea of the kind of balance you could expect) had been recruited by Hamas to produce this piece of propaganda, in order to inflate their not too thin wallets.

I knew what was going on, because I'm savvy enough to see the British broadcasting media at its cynical excellence, using every cheap emotional trick to bash Israel. What however bothered me was that most British people watching this would only use it as an excuse to continue harbouring negative thoughts towards both Israel and the Jews.

With anti-Semitism at its peak in the UK, this programme did nothing to address the serious concern that people are using the media as a tool to get their information - and as a result, let rip at the beleaguered Jewish community.

I know because I see the results of programmes such as this in my school. I see the kids walking with Kefiyahs wrapped defiantly around their shoulders, as if to say "look, today I am a poor Palestinian" - totally oblivious to why the whole conflict happened in the first place.

Channel 4 as a so called "responsible" purveyor of information has a duty to remind itself that people hang on to its every word as form their ideas a result of what they see. The next time a fellow Jew is attacked in the street for "what is going on Gaza", I hope that Jon Snow and his ilk are rushed over to the emergency room to see how their "professionalism" is impacting on people like me.

Misusing The Holocaust

2009-01-23T06:28:00.002Z

by Rabbi Jeremy Rosen

I am emotionally raw at the moment. The chorus of hatred I see, read, and feel throughout Europe directed at a state struggling, however bluntly, to defend its citizens just reeks of irrational hatred. Yes, there have been tragic errors, failed opportunities, oppressive occupation. And I completely approve of criticism and free speech, even when it hurts. It is the irrational hatred, the use of terms like 'genocide', that convince me beyond doubt that we are not dealing with honesty or logic but deep visceral hatred that has festered for hundreds of years. It constantly finds differing excuses to emerge from its filthy subterranean recesses to inflame and ultimately try to destroy, before burning itself out and returning to hide underground.

Genocide takes a plan, design, and system. Even if, as Hannah Arendt claimed, many of the perpetrators of the Holocaust were simply banal, nevertheless the design and the plan grew with public support. Criticism and opposition was systematically beaten and suppressed, voices silenced, and a state machinery devoted to the prosecution of the evil goal unremittingly, even to the point of harming its own war effort. None of this remotely applies to Israel.

This is the season of the Globes and the Oscars, and, each time, the Holocaust figures prominently amongst the nominations. Why? Is it because the Holocaust is the one universally accepted touchstone of inhumanity and Oscar voters wanting to be seen as more than trivial feel the need to nod in the direction of a moral issue? Is it because so many in Hollywood are Jewish? Is it because it remains in the minds of some in the free world as a unique evil? Or is that the range of Hollywood emotions is so limited that only an iconic moral cataclysm can evoke any serious response? I even dare to suggest that such movies are produced as a calculated tilt at what is likely to win an award. (The same goes for books and the ongoing and recent rash of fabrications.) But each time there are new examples of the trivialization of primordial evil.

This year has been true to form. A film about innocent children living on either side of the concentration camp fence striking up a friendship belies the extent of indoctrination German children drank in with their mothers' milk and smelt in their fathers' smoke about the corrupt, verminous dangers of Jewish infants. The film, 'The Reader' (albeit an excellently acted piece of theatre) about a female concentration camp operative who was unable or unwilling to comprehend the evil she committed, masks, dilutes, and distracts. A film about the Von Stauffenberg plot to assassinate Hitler ignores the fact that the plotters were happy to go along with Hitler for years, so long as he and Germany were winning. It was only when they were losing that they decided to act, and certainly not out of a sudden attack of moral conscience.

Frankly, with Israel being described on the streets of Europe as a Nazi state the last thing I want to see is a film about 'good' Nazis (not I hasten to add that there might not have been one or two good ones undercover). And whether to give up a good page of Gemara for that drivel is simply, as the Yanks like to say, a no-brainer.

'Defiance', the story of the Bielski brothers fighting as and with partisans in the Polish Russian forests, is a well acted and painful film. It is not a simplistic glory story, but contains nuance, moral ambiguity, and the very struggles of power and conscience that should have been taking place in Germany, itself, but were played out amongst the desperate fleeing Jews. As Daniel Craig put it memorably, 'They may hunt us as animals, but that does not mean that we should act as animals.' That's a film I would recommend to you all at any time. It is not the glory of violence that some might think, nor is it a propaganda piece for the hoary old lie about religious passivity; it tackles, head-on and fairly, the impossible situation of Jewish communal leadership under inhuman conditions (one of Hannah Arendt's blind spots).

But this issue of the Holocaust is so pervasive that it has become relative. Avrum Burg is a typical second generation post-independence Zionist, propelled by his politically savvy and successful father into prominence. He rose to head of the World Zionist Organization and, briefly, became Speaker of the Knesset, the Israeli Parliament. I have always considered him likeable, honest, and talented. A few years ago he went through a crisis of confidence in his received ideals, turned his back on politics, left Israel, and went into business.

A recent book of his is now coming out in the United States under the title, 'The Holocaust Is Over; We Must Rise From its Ashes'. I actually agree with a lot that he says. It was his language that I find infelicitous. His book was originally called 'Hitler Won'. Sensibly, he modified it to appear in Israel as 'Defeating Hitler'. He argues that Israel had reneged on the ideals of its founders. His point was that Israel was fixated on the negativity of the German Final Solution and the Holocaust. It defined its enemies as little Hitlers. Israel, Zionism, he claimed, had failed to find a new moral voice and justification for its existence. Zionism was dead and Israel had not yet found an alternative or a universal ideal.

Like him, I have grave reservations about lots of issues in Jewish and Israeli society today. But to want to survive, to stop attacks on one's civil population, does not require the Holocaust as justification! I find the negative language of Burg to be disturbing, as well as the distorted coupling, if only by implication, of Israel and Nazi Germany. I cannot avoid the thought that, like Hollywood, he uses the Holocaust to sell his wares. It will be misused, and the emotive issue of the Holocaust will simply be misapplied by those who want to obliterate us.

As the Ethics of the Fathers (1.9) says, 'Wise men, be careful of your words lest others learn to lie from them.' And if we ourselves are not careful with our use of emotive words, then we can hardly complain when others are not either.

So Long Dubbya

2009-01-22T05:44:00.004Z

Unlike many of my contemporaries, I was quite partial to Dubbya. At the end of the day, he proved himself to be a great friend of Israel and the Jewish people and that's good enough for me. Then again, I wasn't living in the country he was presiding over.

I was a little sorry to see him fly off in his helicopter, it was as though I was saying goodbye to an old friend. I also know I won't be the only one who will miss his constant supply of quotable quips, some of which will no doubt go down in history, albeit for the wrong reasons.

As a way of saying farewell, I'd therefore like to list my favourite quotes. You will no doubt note that I have chosen to do this after he left office as a matter of respect to the 43rd President of the United States of America.

This one's for you, Dubbya.

Here is a top ten list of my favourite malapropisms (in the Daily Show format, with apologies to Jon Stewart):

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.

It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way.

[The Taliban] have no disregard for human life.

I think we agree, the past is over.

I believe that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully.

They misunderestimated me.

Here's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says: fool me once, shame on ... (long pause) shame on you? (long pause) Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?

and my all time favourite:

The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur.

Goodbye Dubbya. I miss you already.